Sorry to some people

When you start to think back on things you have done you get ashamed of yourself I know I get that in some things, I really wish I can change them but honestly I can’t change them and I would never want to change them as they have made me to the person I am today.

I know that I should have said no to one guy instead of tricking him I wanted to go out on a date with him, he even brought flowers and was dressed up all I did was look at him from distance, I think I was a bit mean to him, I knew he liked me loads but I didn’t have the heart to say no to him.

Or when I started to flirt with my best friends brother, that is not a clever thing to do when you are in the age of 15, I mean come on what was I thinking there, oh well it is fun to see him today because I just think, how could I flirt with him.

Really don’t know why I have been so mean in the past to boys that has liked me, I was as you can say a player, I did make them do things for me as I wanted them but I never liked them I just used them, honestly the only boy I liked he really didn’t like me in the same way. I knew that, and there for I was mean to other boys and made sure they started to like me loads then they just got crushed as I thought it was fun, but they should have learned that I never told them if I liked them or not. Bu the worst thing is probably that I did turn many of them so they lost their friends as I put them against each other, for me it was just a game.

I am happy I have grown up, because today I would never change anything because today I am so happy with my fiancée and all those things I have done, is in the past, but as I know some of you read my blog I am sorry that I used you in my twisted games I had with you, and sorry I never told you that I never liked you in the same way, I know I should have told you that from the begging but it was fun to see you do what I wanted.

-       Jo

To try to forget your ex?

Today I will talk about those that never seem to come over their ex’, if your partner dumps you it is hard, everyone knows that, you get depressed and all that, but some people never seem to get over the thought that they got dumped. Well here is my own thoughts, my own stories that I have seen and heard about people trust me when I say it’s not easy to tell someone that they have to start listen to you and forget their love of their life as they say but it works, I know that.

So I have a girl mate that got dumped over a year ago, and yet she wants her ex back, he was unfaithful to her, with his new one and still she has a hard time to forget her love of her life as she says he is.  So what can I start all I know is that my mate was extremely sad when he dumped her, and she started to date other people in the beginning but the thing was that she always compared the new one to her ex that was a jerk to her, and still is a jerk when you see all fact, well she has nowhere close forget him, she still lives in a bubble that he will come back to her and they will live happily after. Because he has been with her when he had problem with the new one, and the new one hates her as she is his ex, but I don’t know what is worst is it that my mate still want him who cheats and everything, he is even engaged to the new one, but she thinks always that he will come back to her, and it has gone so far that she even want to tell the new one all about their love nights, and what they have done while those two have been together, because she think that will lead her ex back to her, but I have told her that she will lose him completely if she do that, he loves the new one and want to get married to her. Honestly everyone has told her that he is happy in love with the new one but she just can’t see that he is that, as she think he loves her, but she tends to forget that he dumped her for a new one, then he used her to get sex just because he knew she would be happy to have that, while he had problems with the new one.  It’s so frustrating that she can’t see that he doesn’t love her, and move on with her life, honestly it has gone over one year, but I guess everyone can’t forget a person that fast.

I mean all I can say is that I have been dumped and that hurts loads more than anyone can think of, it actually feels like someone takes out your heart and stamp on it and it breaks in to one billion pieces, and that the other person stands and laughing at you because they know how much pain you are in but you are trying to hide it, I know I have been there, my friends tends to forget that I have been dumped too I know how that feels but the big difference is probably that I get so angry when I get dumped, even if I feel sad and all that all I really want to do is to get to the person and break every single bone in his body as he has played with my feelings, but the thing is that it takes time to heal after you get dumped, I know that, I got healed and everything was pretty good until I realise that that the person didn’t love me and just played with me, but the thing was that I knew to forget the person I had to cut out everyone that reminded me of him, and honestly we all know how that went, honestly I was really bad when I start to think but the thing was that I was going on and started to live and somehow I grow as a person, even if I still today I get really sad and feel really like no one understand what I went through inside as I have a hard time to open myself even if I was with my mate the first time and all that. I have tried to talk to my mate about myself and all she says to me is that you can’t understand how it is as you got happy in the end, and that I should let her get back her ex.

What my mate doesn’t understand in my heart break is that I still today get really sad, because I know so many knew that I got my heart broken, and what I most of all I wanted was for no one to know but that was not possible, in my case, and the thing was that some people did everything to remind me that I was bad and all that, that I had ruined many people and didn’t let them be happy, I was the bad person, but I don’t think no one really understood how hurt I was, how I felt no one understood me, I really wished people just didn’t talk about him, and all that, but the worst was probably when one person said that he wrote sweet things to another girl and that he was so in love with her. Honestly I wish my mate would have been in my shoes because I decided to never get hurt again in that way the way I was, and honestly I would never want to go back to the person I was before the heart break as I did honestly grow so much. I have realise that it takes time to heal but you get stronger. I try to tell my mate that she should stop thinking of him, stop having him as a background on the phone and computer, and most of all why would she want to have someone that has hurt her as much as he has done?

It’s not easy to forget someone you love, but when you realise what he/she has done you are better off without them.

-Jo

Jealousy is an illness

Today I will write about jealousy, I mean come on if you are in a relationship you have to trust the other person otherwise you don’t have a relationship, the only thing you have is a dream you are looking for.

What I mean let’s say I am jealous now, and I am not that but anyway let us say that I would control everything Michael do and does every day it would take me at least three hours. I mean what do I have to do to make sure he isn’t cheating on me, let’s see I would have to go to every social community he has and of course I would demand him to tell me his password so I can go and sneak who he is talking to, and if he talks to other girls I would get like a freak asking the 100000000 questions about the girl.  Like who is she, why are you talking to her, why are you making kisses to her, why are you speaking to that person, you are cheating on me with that girl.

Then the next thing I control who he is mates with as I don’t want him to be friends with anyone that looks better than me, and we all know that he wouldn’t have any girls mates, and of course if he has ex’s he can’t have any contact with them as once he has had feelings for that person. 

So what more would I do I would control his phone look at who he has been talking to and who he has send text’s too, and everything else you can do on a mobile phone, but the worst thing I would make a huge “drama” when we are in parties because there are loads of girls there who he is talking to and looking at, and everything would be bad for him.

Now to my point if I would be like that it would take too much time of my life and I would never be able to live with myself I mean a relationship is all about trust and letting the other people do whatever he wants, and if you are jealous the other person will leave you as you would make him feel so bad that he realise that even how much he loves you he will have a better life without you in his life, and are you sure you want to take the consequences of him dumping you and tell everyone what a freak you are. I know that jealousy is an illness but I am damn happy I am not jealous, I can’t really give a fuck what he do as long as he comes to me every night and just give me a kiss and says, dream sweet dreams, night.

Honestly if I become that I hope he dumps me as fast as the lightning strikes as that is what I would do, well I would probably tell him to chill and tell him that I love him you have nothing to be jealous of, but if it continues I would dump him.  I can’t really understand how people that are in a relationship are so jealous; I mean you do have a life even if you are in a relationship. 

Okay I don’t like that my boyfriend speaks with his ex’s but I know he has dumped them and he doesn’t love them, and I am happy he can be friends with them, but I would never say you can’t be friends with them, that is just wrong, as it is wrong to control another human being, you can  tell them what you think and all that but it is up to the other person to do what he/she wants, and if you can’t handle it you have to think am I ready to be in a relationship with the person that wants to have an own life but have you in his/hers life.

I know I can talk about so many things, but next blog post will be about them who get dumped and still think her/his ex will come back to them, I mean why can’t they forget them?

If you are jealous please go to someone that knows about it and talk about it

-Jo

This is me

This is me, the real Johanna that some of you have seen the person that actually do have feelings that smiles to silly things, that cries to some things that you wouldn’t cry to, well I am here to remind you all if you who the real Johanna is.

So here is the truth of the complicate Johanna that doesn’t like to open up to people, that doesn’t trust in many people in this world, that misses some people more than anything but realise she will never get them back. Here is the truth about me and my feelings, my thoughts and everything, so if you haven’t heard it from me you have the false information.

So what can I say about myself really that you don’t really know about me probably a lot of things, I am not the nicest person ever, I am not perfect I am pretty mean when it comes to things. I wouldn’t borrow you money never mind, give you things when you really need them, never borrow out a game, movie or things like that, and if you get to touch my things you are lucky and if I share my crisps with you it only means I like you as a person. So the thing is that you pretty much think I am so nice to people not really I tend to tell you the truth even if it is painful and all that, I am not ashamed to tell you if I know that a person hates you, to your face done it many times, and to be honest that makes me feel so good too, just to tell you the damn truth.

Don’t come to me if you have fucked up, if you AREN’T family or a really close person to me, because I would never in hell help you because I would just tell you move on, because that is what you have to do really it is the only thing that makes everything easy. If you know you have done something wrong, why don’t you try to fix it in the end it’s only you who can do it.

So what more can I say I do cry to some things, and I have feel real pain, I am glad I have had my past when I think about it really has made me stronger and has made me realise that if you are backstabbing people they will just backstab you back, and to be honest I am so happy I have had Kim as my mate he was the person that taught me that if you are honest they can’t come to you and say that you have been lying,  because than you know that you have been telling the truth all along and the most important thing is that you stand for what you have been saying, I mean if I say that I don’t like one person to one and she tells that person that I don’t like him/her, I have to stand for that, otherwise I am just a backstabbing bitch in the end, and that is not what I want to be, or want to become.

Anyway those I care about know me like an open book they hear if I try to lie, they know when I am sad, when I am hurt, when I feel down, but they also feel love in my eyes, without me telling them every day I love you, because in my eyes you see a lot of things, and even how I speak and how I react to things. 

So when I say I am scared about things I am that, I am scared of letting people in my life as I know most of them really just don’t care about me as a human, all they want is to use me for things, like getting close to someone else, or something like that. I am scared of talking about myself as I am afraid people will think I am selfish and just feel sorry for myself. I rather speak about things that don’t make me think about myself, I am sick and tired of hearing about myself and things people has made up about me. Honestly if you really do think I am retarded, an idiot, mean, nice, whore etc why the hell not tell me instead of telling others and then deny the things when it comes up to the things? Do like me tell the truth and say yeah I think you are an idiot because you act like that, or something like that.

So the reason I help you and all that is because I am good at seeing what you should do, if you are heartbroken all I can tell you is that I know how that feels as I have been it myself and tell you it will go over but it will take time, and what more can I say about myself loads of things, but one thing is sure I am damn proud of myself, I never hide the truth about things, and if you ask me I would tell you what I think and all that. So if you are heartbroken MOVE ON, that is all I would say, because it is clearly that the boy doesn’t like you, and if you are getting used by other boys just move on because he is just USING you and you are the one that gets hurt, honestly I can tell you the truth but it hurts..

So if you want to know who the real Johanna is you have to have patience as I don’t trust in people, but when you are my friend I would help you no matter what.

-       Jo

the day that I realise that I need to start doing things in my life

Oh yeah I have really realised that I have to start thinking to the future I don't like to think to the future or the past for that matter as you should live in the present oh well anyway I have applied to the University in Gothenburg and hopefully I will get in, well that shouldn't really be a problem who wants to go to law school or Politics. Oh if I don't get in to them I will open my own business and earn money via that, or just become a mum? Oh well I can't really see myself as that not yet anyway as I want to do things before kids, as you will be stuck with them for at least 18 years, or not more!

So what do people really realise when they are close to 30 that you have waisted your life on things that really doesn't matter as money should not be a thing that matters, as it can only give you things you really want, and those things you can always buy new if your house burns down? So we live in a world that materials is the thing that matters most really, where it should be our own life and those people that we care about and their lives that we all live a long happy healthy life, that is what should matters for us but somehow I think all humans has forgot what life is about.

I can tell you what it is about today, as I see it everywhere it is about power, money and compliments for what they have done. I mean if we find the cure for cancer it will just come something else that will kill us humans, I mean we are over crowded in this planet, I do love that hospitals, and doctors are so good as they are today but honestly if I was born just 20 years earlier I would have been dead and gone without any troubles as we have today, somehow I think people where happier during the 40's 50's and 60's even if we had the world war II in those times, as that time people seem to not have any worries as we have today, will our work still be there in the morning, will the money be enough for this month, as our lovely government have fucked up our lovely country that used to be a good place to live.

Just look at United Kingdom of Great Britain I mean Margaret Thatcher she really did a good work with England during the 80's she really made every one suffer and honestly I don't know how the people in England can have David Cameron as their prime minister I mean he is even worse than Margaret Thatcher was, and honestly she is hard to beat, she made England as bad it is today, I mean London might be a good place to live in if you are rich and have loads of money so you don't have any problems to think about, but to live in the north parts where there is no works, and people are looking for a work and hope for a better life, they just don't think about the norths part, they only cares about London, where all the bankers live and all that, so if anyone I mean want England to become a good place to live in again, you can't choose the rich parties, that only want rich people to have it good, I mean come on what good things has Cameron done to England?

I can say the same about Sweden, we are not a good country to live in any more as they just want richer to become richer, and they don't want the working class to go to university they just want the rich kids to be able to go there, and to let the poor kids just be poor, I don't think there is any good country to live in today, but hopefully it will change soon enough to the better in Sweden, England, Denmark, Spain, Greece etc.

Well that was all for me today, I just keep moaning about things really as always...

-Jo