My year in a short essay

This year I will end up with writing what has happen the whole year for me as a person. This will probably be the most truthfully blog yet so don’t judge me…

The year started with the worst hangover ever promise I had my hangover for at least three days. That was the reason I decided to end drinking complete. People have asked me why I don’t drink but honest it isn’t worth feeling shit for days.

Then what more happen in January I had to go to pointless meetings, study mathematic and the teacher wasn’t even able to help me. He said I was too smart for him

February was just complete boring, I felt alone as most of my friends have a boyfriend or a girlfriend and you have Valentine’s day well just say that it was a day you really want to have someone to share it with but I was alone and didn’t share it with anyone.

Mars, April and May was really pointless months in my life don’t even remember what happen here but I know I was looking forward to the world cup.

June the world cup started and my life seemed to be good was happy and summer was on the way but somehow it would come crushing me down the next month.

July all I really remember from this month was that I had a break down I almost lost a good friend :< anyway everything went for the best in the end.

August: probably was the best month because I got my boyfriend and I found out things I never thought was meant to be for me.

September my best friend from my childhood decided to break every trust that I had in friendship she really just decided to lie the shit and hasn’t even confess today that she was with a guy that beat her up, well it’s her choice but she has a kid to think about
October I started to talk to a person that has helped me lots in thoughts about my future that lead me to the school I am in now that I started in November.

November was really a month where I was ill I got my hand operated and then I got other things but eh at least I will not be ill so much now.

December: Have just been great lots of snow and cold weather really what I like but somehow it is the month I realize I feel alone when I am not alone.
That is short what has happen to me during this year but I will continue with the friendships I have got and lost this year mostly because I need to get it out before 2011 so I can’t talk to others about

This year it really started that some girls started to trash talk about me because I fall for a boy I think I didn’t really realize that it would get so much attention that I fall inlove with someone but I guess I was wrong, in this time I saw who was a true friend and who wasn’t a true friend. Just say this that now in the end of this year I have heard what the girls has said about me and it is nothing nice one actually said to another person that I was destroying a relationship by falling inlove with the boy.

The thing is that in this part the boy and I talked and he never told me that I was in the way if he would have told me that I would have respected his wish since I love him.
Then in the summer one person told me to not to be friend with another amazing person because she liked a boy that liked this girl. Anyway it ended up that I was the black sheep in the whole thing and I got so much from people I didn’t know that I actually spoke to the boy about the things, he was amazing that day he made me feel like I was a person. Because the person that made me feel like I should hang myself bad thing really.

Then one other girl started to tell me that I control one other person that is totally bullshite you can’t control anyone. But she also told me that I should stay away from him but honest why would I stay away from my boyfriend. That was my only thought.
But now to the most sadly thing that is that one friend decided to go together with her ex boyfriend that beats her and use her in a bad way, okay they have a kid but honest I can’t see why she would choose him over her friend. She lost many friends thanks to this thing, and then she lied about it why not be honest and just say Johanna I am with him again. Okay I wouldn’t support her but she knows that she lost my friendship thanks to her choice to lie about a silly think like that.

This year I have thought what love is about it is to respect the other person and listen even if you don’t agree with him/her, that you can share everything with one person is really amazing and to feel complete in some way I can’t explain the thing is that I feel so complete that nothing can break me apart literally.

One thing I really learned this year was that even if people hate you and trash talk you, you just have to show the other people that you aren’t like that, I mean I almost lost one friend but we decided to keep talking and we build a friendship that lead us on a different path and even if was probably the worst moments in my life when I heard those words that that person said to me, I also know you have to show the real person you are and if that isn’t enough for the others they aren’t worthy you time.

This year has really been too much tears and tears people think they really know how it feels to be me, but they don’t my ex boyfriend Jonas actually said to me that he was glad he wasn’t me and he wouldn’t even want to change life for one day with me because he knows how hard it is to be me.

This year has change me as a person lots, I have learned to not trust in anyone since they always break the trust there are only a few people I trust in complete and this year I will just be more careful than ever I am sick of getting hurt and feeling so hated as I have felt this year. I know I have become stronger and that is good :)


I hope this New Year will come with lots of happiness and love that is something I need for a change.

Now to everyone that has read this thank you for the time and I have got out what I wanted to say I think.

Peace out my readers and be safe tonight

Good song

I really like only girl in the world with Rihanna

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pa14VNsdSYM

this is the blond brain and how it works ;)

Okey lets say this YOU are so nice to read this! Now let me see I didn't know I was so popular really that even people that lives in Argentina, Mexico, Kuwait, Singapore, Croatia, Bosnia, Egypt, United Kingdom, United States of America, Venezuela and of course Sweden well there are many more too, but I can’t be arsed telling you what they are ;)

Anyway I have found out that people that doesn’t like me reads my damn blog hmm yeah that makes sense I guess, Let me ask you this if you don’t like me why would you want to read what is going on with my life, my opinions, my thoughts ? oh I guess you want to know how things are going with Michael, and when I fall on my arse on the ice ;) oh funny things because of that I shall not write anything about my boyfriend because you will not have the fun to know how good we have it ;)

So now to something I really like to do that is to pretend to be stupid and somehow I do succeed to trick some people with it so they actually think I don’t know when they trash talk me but guess what I do know when you do it since I am not stupid as you think haha wait wait I need to laugh some time now HAHAHAHAHAHA you think I am so blond but you haven’t even cared enough to find out what my brain hides ;)


Now to one pointless talk with my own brain
Thought 1: what should I do
Thought 2: Hate boys that mails you to many pointless mails..
Thought 1: oh yeah that is fun, why do they want me?
Thought2: Because you are hot
Thought1: No I am not hot, WIIIIEEEEE I am so good at this...
Thought 2: what are you good in ?
Thought 1: To think and talk in the same way
Thought 2: suck...
Thought 3: COKEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
Thought 4: I really wonder if I can survive a black hole
Thought 3: Coke Drooooooling
Thought 2: This is to thought 4 I don’t care I want to know why boys are so mean and idiotic
Thought 4: you hurt me now..

Anyway that is how it can look in my brain...

My teacher said I have a different way of looking at the world and it is dangerous to talk when I am around since I listen more than people realize because it’s good to just listen and then ask them you say you don’t like me., but why can’t you just confess that to my face instead of trash talk me

You might think I am strange because I love things you don’t but my biggest passion is to see things different than you do because then I can be creative and think I can survive the so called world we live in, without my thoughts I would really go mad and jump from mount everest and be dead…

If people really wonder what is the point with me blogging I would say nothing, but I write because it makes me feel better when I get out the things from my head. I feel better in some strange way.

Well today it has been damn cold here in Gothenburg bad thing to go in leggings and a skirt… someday I might really become an ice cube.

Now to the ending, Hates feel so free to read as much as you want, but you can’t even confess you are so nosey that you really want to know what is happening in my life, SUCKERS! I know that Jonas and Linus reads my blog and they talk about it to my common friends.. Anyway I have a song I love to listen to and it is homeless with darin, you should listen to it closely…

Now to the wise words someone else has said before me, “never change for anyone, be yourself no matter what, and people will love you for who you are, if you change they will not see the real human being you are!”

“carpe diem, quam minimum credula postero”

and

“Aliguando et insanire iucundum est”

Try to remember them always

Peace out my lovely readers

Christmas , new years eve, and feelings

Okay really are going to write about my Christmas since I didn’t have the Christmas spirit, for the first it was a bad day when I woke up on Christmas eve, here in Sweden we celebrate it 24. Anyway I woke up and I felt alone even if my whole family was there and it sucked I don’t really know what has happen these days I feel so alone and I can’t explain why either.

Well I did my last Christmas shopping the 23 and I have never ever been so late with my Christmas shopping, then I didn’t get to eat warm ham.

Well Christmas it feels like you can be on your own next year if you feel like I did we where 12 people and I felt more alone than ever. I have tried to figure out why I feel so alone these days but I can’t come up why I feel so alone. It doesn’t matter if I am with just three people or more I just feel so alone and more or less lost in something.

I think I am strange in some things since people don’t really like me as a person this holidays have made me realize that no one really respect what I want as a human being, all I want it to sleep and be in bed and just cry because I can’t come up what is wrong with me. The thing is that I know something is wrong and it is really wrong I don’t feel like a person anymore the thing is I feel more lost than ever and no one knows how bad it is really. Everyone is just telling me that everything is good, I have tried to talk to people that is close because they are the people that can help me I feel I know I probably should talk to those that love me, but honest it is so hard to talk to them, because they only want me to be happy and feel good.
I wonder is there anyone that actually feels like me. So alone even when you have someone that loves you more than anything, your family close, but all you want is to hide and never want anyone to get to you.

I know some people will moan to me, but if you say you know me good, well you should really know when I feel like I do! Yeah I can confess one thing I wouldn´t just go to my friends and say hey I don’t feel good, please help me, I get really quiet and close myself out from the people close to me.

Well now to New Years Eve all I want is to be alone and watch some movie and just hide from the world if this year anyway starts bad maybe next year will start great. Or that is what I am hoping for since last year I was so happy and everything just fall apart in June, I was wrong to be happy so long time, anyway now I am happy too, don’t get me wrong I am just really lost in everything.

My girl mates are moaning to me that I don’t have kids; they want me to become a mum so I can do things with them. Oh yeah one is getting married this year so everyone guess what they are pressuring me to do, yeah you do guess right if you said to get married since they all are going to do that.

Well I guess all the talk that my so called friends are giving me is the best thing to give a person that is lost as I am. Well one person got a divorce and then she has already a new one well this person is actually telling me to get a boyfriend that loves me for me and lives close to me. Well I am not so good at relationships when I think about it I have had one boyfriend before the person I have now. Anyway that relationship wasn’t so good lucky me he was gay no comment why he even was with me when he knew he was it. Just my luck I guess. Then my girl friends doesn’t understand when I say that you can’t trust in a guy but who can blame me that person I was with didn’t love me at all he was in to guys. So I have a bad experience with relationship.

Oh yeah than I had that idiot person on facebook that mailed me an inbox telling me that he wants me to forget my boyfriend that I love more than anything, so he can take me, only gonna say that I would really take him instead I mean he is from Africa somewhere oh yeah as we all know, Johanna wouldn't take anyone that is from Africa! Fucking idiot really destroyed my so good holiday more then anything, If i had a gun and was close to that person I would have shot him and don't even regret it, damn i sound like a cold bloody murderer good that it was just in my head.

Now my New Years Eve will rock when I am in bed all alone thinking of better times. Nothing beats to be alone with your great brain that always tells you that everything is going to be okey in the end.

I hope people have had a great Christmas and haven’t been thinking as much as I have.
Oh yeah to those that reads this don’t freak out, I am just a bit lost in my life right now..
Peace out!

Happy holidays :)

Merry Christmas to you :)

moaning about boys !

Okey this blog will be about the idiot boys that actually write to me! For fuck sake just because I change picture I will actually have the picture in this blog they can’t think I am sexy or hot they see only see my legs.

This is how messages can look like this:

• u got beautiful legs xxxxxx

• hi nice lady you kul

• hej san söt o vackert hur mår du jag heter malko vill blir kompisar gå på bio,rasturang ha kull tillsamma om du vill adda mig på -------@hotmail.com puss - Hello sweetie and beautiful, how are you my name is malko, want to be friends and go to the pictures, restaurant and have fun together add me on --- kisses

• How are you beautiful girl?? I like your photo

• Princesa gracias por aceptar mi amistad espero que tambien aceptes mi invitacion a charlar por el msn asi nos conocemos te espero besitos

• How are you beautiful girl?? I like your photo

• hi sexy how are u

• blivit en rik hemmafru ännu då? ;) - have you become a rich housewife yet?

• hi angel i wonna be ur lover for ever

Okey here is some ones of the mails erm lets take the last mail, Hi angel really fails really much! I mean okey he flirts but honest he can’t tell me that I am angel, he doesn’t even know me or can’t see my face, then that he wants to be my lover forever oh yeah really I don’t want a black man honest! Fuck them they will never get me. I don’t get turned on by them at all EOW is all that I can say. I wouldn’t even take Fernando Torres he is from Spain it fails in my eyes!
Then the Spanish mail I can’t even be bothered to try understanding it! All I understand is that he wants my msn and gives me a kiss, FAILS I don’t speak Spanish so fuck of!

Oh how can you say that someone is beautiful when you can’t see the face, I know you love me yeah right you haven’t even spoken to me, I mean fuck of!

Anyway I am sick of the boys they only see me as a sex object, why would they do that! Well I can tell this I have a male friend that I made a bit horny by just telling him what I was wearing it ended up (sorry my love) that he wants to become my slave so he can see me, I think he likes me more then I want him to like me! Oh yeah I did tease him a bit because he was stupid enough to tell me that he came in his pants. Why would a dude really come in the pants when you say this: I have a miniskirt, thongs, bra, a nice top and knee socks on me? The strange thing is that they get horny and turned on by just talking to me.

I have a boy that somehow got my msn, and all he wants is to webcam with me so he can w*nk in front of the cam, I have told him so many times that I don’t want him not for any money in the world, and that I love my boyfriend, yeah the boy said this actually in this words “your boyfriend is cheating on you, why would he be faithful to you? He just use you because you are hot and sexy”

Boys are idiots or most of them I know probably just two or three boys that isn’t like this boys that I am talking about here in this blog!

ARGH! All I wish for this Christmas is that the boys leave me alone so I can concentrate on my boyfriend, I will try to get him to move here to me so I can hug him every day :P sorry my love you are leaving England ;) I love you :*

peace out

some clearing outs!

Well now I am starting to get pissed, I know people that doesn't like me as a person is reading my blog -.-' why the hell would you want to know what is going on in my head! For fuck sake, Get a life and leave me alone! >_< Why the hell would my enemies read this honest! You are pathetic that read my blog!

Now to the things you are talking about me is just bullshite! Trust me I know every word you say let me clear one or two things out now!

1. I am not a mummy, why would I have a kid, when i recently found my boyfriend! Stop lying about that please!

2. I do have a boyfriend, so stop telling people I have broke up with him ! ARGH! Idiot is what you are C******

3. That I have done plastic operation, I haven't done anything, I look like this normally and I am proud of myself I would never do a plastic operation! I might wine that my nose looks awful but I love how i look in the end!


Now to the other things, I heard that I was mean yesterday because I never answer a text message's directly but honest as soon as i saw that happy birthday messages, I wrote thank you :) back to that person, I really can't be bother with people hating me but EVERYONE that knows me know that I am way to polite to not say thank you if anyone say happy birthday to me on my birthday! I am way to polite in the real world too, honest I should become the bitch everyone says I am! Because then I wouldn't have anything to worry about!

Eh please pretend you love/like me, because I am way to smart for you anyways I know when a person doesn't like me, Well we can just say that I love to play the stupid blond! That is something not so many people knows about, Let see if anyone has seen the person that I am really. I analyze everything closely and then I really start to think how I can pretend to be stupid (as I would say) because when I start to talk about things there is only a few person that would understand me!

I mean I love to mess with people, a laugh makes you younger in every way !

Now to the thing I want people to stop with is to Talk trash about me, I don't deserve it because you don't even know the real Johanna ;)

Now I will jump and be crazy! Then Let me kill you all slowly ;)

Peace out!

xoxo

interest

Today I will write about something that really is on my mind, and about something I like to think about, okey you can call me nerd after this promise! But honest it’s something I like and you will probably not even understand what I mean in the end.

Personal development, this is something that you can say is about how you think as a person and how to remember things, anyway let me start with this! Your memory is perfect but you can’t take the memories out as you want!

Visualize!

You can have different visualizing pictures
- Relaxing pictures mine is being on the beach
- Reinforcing pictures mine is when I won a swimming competition and the feeling I had when I won.
- Goal pictures my goal right now are that I should survive all December.
- Process pictures this is something I actually can do you see the thing when it starts and see the process in the thing you are seeing in the brain, I love to see one thing and then when it goes perfect I feel good.

Affirmation: to consciously repeat positive words or sentences now present as it is like you wish it would be. So say I want to have Steven Gerrard as a boyfriend I should say it like this: Me, Johanna Maria Pyykkö has Steven Gerrard as my handsome boyfriend! I know it’s stupid to take some celebrity but this is just to show what I mean with the thing.
Than I have to share one thing one person has told me: when you believe in yourself the opportunities are endlessly.

Well I don’t except people to understand how you think or are interest in how you think. I know when I start to think how I think it is really strange for others but for me it’s easy as hell. My brain works as a mathematic formula, there for I actually shot myself most of the times because I start to think too much about how big are the probability that I would get what I want. I know it’s stupid to think like that but hey it’s my brain that works like that.

Let us see how do you think? Can you see the things you want and achieve them? I can do that because I would never ever let anyone say it is impossible to get what I want, I really see that I have what I want in my brain and somehow it has helped me get the things I want, but it can take time but in the end I always get what I want.

Well I really know one thing I want to have now a telescope I know you will think I am boring but how fascinate wouldn’t it be to look out in space and see Jupiter, Mars, Uranus, Neptune, and of course Saturn. All the stars, I wish I could go out to space and just forget about the life down here on earth.

I was thinking really much today what works I want to work with and all I can think of is things that makes me think more about physics, mathematics and geography I know it is hard subjects but somehow I think it’s something I would love to work with. I would love to be a scientist. Than I can be alone and no one can tell me what to do or what I should do.

Peace out

my thoughts about love and hate... some of them

Today I want to talk about love and hate, because people seem to tell me I hate more than I love!

Let me start with hate, that is something I really can’t see because hate is so close to love really, when you start to think close about it, so according to me and look closely I am telling my opinion and no one else as some people have been mailing me.. Anyway let’s continue my own thoughts about hate. If you hate someone that person still have a chance to come back to your life since you really care about the person, deep inside. I don’t hate anyone really like hate, but I do dislike people more just because than they don’t have a chance to come back to my life and I can continue to be who I am and pretend to “hate” them but I dislike them more than anything.

So if you really would say that I hate something it would be spiders and thunder, but when I think about it I am more scared of them but I hate when they come close to me. So I really don’t hate any person so please make sure to not say that I hate you because I don’t hate you I just don’t like you if you feel that way, I make sure that the person knows if I dislike her/him.

Now to love that is something I can’t really explain short because you can have so many different loves as I have.

Let me start with the thing I love most more than anything in this world it’s my family without them I would be all alone in this world (or it feels like that). I know that I will have them no matter what happens in this world. My mum and dad are the persons that mean most to me then my uncle that I see as my own brother, then my sister and my niece. That is one love you can’t explain really because everyone will know what I mean when I say that family is family.

Than we can speak about love for someone that isn’t a friend, to open up yourself as a person to a complete stranger that isn’t from your family it is so scary really. But when you really have done that and the other person feels the same things you really feel blessed that there is someone out there in this big world that loves/ likes you in the same way as you do. This is something I really can’t explain so well mostly because the thing is that I feel complete in some strange way, I can’t say why it feels like that or why others don’t feel like I feel.

I was talking to one friend about love, to another person, she said that she told her boyfriend I love you after 1 hour talking, and I was like what the fuck how can you love someone after one hour ? I know that I am so scared to tell I love you that I have only told two people those words. I don’t tell my family those words, nope never I know I should but trust me if I would say it they would stand there open with their mouths because I haven’t said it in so long time to them. But my friend says it all the time and she never keep her boyfriends more than one year. So I guess there is different loves as I said in the beginning I think.

Well you can love things like sports, things but that love isn’t real. Real love is when you share something between someone else that isn’t from your family, and it is really scary thing. I just know that I am so blessed and everything is so easy at this point at least. Anyway love is something I hope that everyone will feel some day!

Now to the hate part, don’t hate people; just dislike them than they know their chance is screwed and that they fucked up!

Peace out!

No name!

Today I really just want to talk about something but I don’t know where to start or what to talk about, but anyway I will speak about a mail I got yesterday from a dude, and my thoughts about that mail.

Well let me start with the mail I got yesterday, funnily enough this boy is from Pakistan, Iraq or Iran I guess by the name, sorry I really can’t be arsed to know where he is from. Well he has mailed me lots of times before and I have tried to explain in a nice way that I don’t want to have anything to do with him, mostly because I don’t like him at all or wouldn’t take anyone that isn’t North European as a boyfriend, now you all know that, anyway this dude send me two mails and I will publish this two mails…

Mail: Message: nobody wants to get you then the other one was: Message: you are not good girl and you are not sexy and nobody Intereste in you

Ok now to the point I guess he got angry because I didn’t answer him, but honest I know for a fact that somebody wants me, and he is so wrong in his mail, then to the second mail, that I am not a good girl I guess you can count me as a bad girl since I wouldn’t date anyone that is from Spain, Italy, Greece or other places I actually just would date people from Germany, Ireland, United kingdom, Sweden, Norway, Finland, Denmark, Iceland, Norway and Germany. I don’t care if you say that I am strange now but I am honest at least.

Ok mates who actually read this, why are boys so on and flirt like HELL and when you say you aren’t interested in them they get mean and send you strange mails and say nasty things, would be glad if you comment below your opinion on this, because I am actually thinking why they are like that!

Oh today I was in school and to be honest it wasn’t the funniest day I wasn’t there yesterday so I had to listen to what the others had done and it was that they had been out in stores and been looking at some questions, boring I was so sleepy that I even started to play that stupid number game on facebook says a lot.

Well I am looking forward to the cold weekend we will have ahead, mostly because I will probably get my cute arse outside and visit the ground, honest I can’t stand I always fall on my arse! Today I fall one time in the morning and on my way home. Oh well if you want to laugh at me something funnier thing happen, I was walking under a tree that had snow on it until poor little me went under it somehow all the snow that was on the tree came on me, my friend that saw this laughed so much that he fall down in the snow, he said the face on me was priceless. Anyway I made sure to hit his cute face with a snowball, proud of me that I actually didn’t get any snowball on me, he probably felt sorry for me that I had all the snow on me already!

Well today I will be watching Idol final, I really hope that Minnah wins it I don’t like the other dude!

Well if there is anything you want to know about me, just mail me or comment and I will try to write a blog about it.

Thanks again for reading my blog, I know I am blond and don’t make any sense!

Peace out!

haha Girls trash talk

Damn I am ashamed of being one, but girls are full of shit and talks trash about each other!

The thing is that all girls that I am friends with talks trash about everyone else that isn’t there, I know this is bad but honest all my answers is okey, yeah, no, please change subject. I don’t tend to speak to much shite about others because mostly it always comes out in the end. Anyway I would stand for what I have said, more than others do. I have one that don’t like me at all but funnily she pretends to like me and don’t have anything against me. What a fake person, stand for what you think your ugly w**re if she asks me if I mean her I would actually tell her the truth and say yes! I don’t write out names here because it can be offended to those persons I do hate and dislike!

Now to the funny thing I hate one person and only one and that is a boy! So sorry girl you think I hate you but you are so wrong! Idiots I dislike you huge, you would never ever come in to my life again, and I know I rock way more then you silly people. Anyway it is really so funny to hear what people think about you mostly because they haven’t a clue that I aren’t like that.

Now to the things I have heard about myself, and I will actually tell you the truth about the rumors!

- I have been stealing boyfriends that is so far from the truth you can come. My ex boyfriend actually asked me if we could date and I said yeah ok that sounds great, honest ever one else tried to get him and the idiots succeed, well lucky me more than anything I do want to thank all the girls that shagged him because it lead me to the one I am with today, and to be fair I never ever stole him, because we have had a hard path honest, but now everything is so easy.

- That I am a whore. Ok this is so fun to hear, I have heard that I am the Swedish whore, whore and lots of other things that is a whore. Now to the point to be a whore you actually screw around lots and takes money from the other and I have never ever done that and to be honest I would not need that. Mostly because I have looks, that most boys’ likes so if I break up with my boyfriend I would not have a trouble getting a new boyfriend, but honest I don’t see the point in the dating things…

- Then today I heard that I was going to leave my boyfriend, what the fuck have some people get this. Honest I would never leave him, trust me on this if we are breaking up it has to be him who would leave me! Jeez I would be the stupidest person to leave him; he is the most honest, wonderful, handsomest person alive. I would die from the inside if I hurt him in anyway. I hope you girls that spread this rumor get this I love him with all my heart, and you will never ever get me to leave him with your idiotic rumors.

- That I am dead, oh well this isn’t true I am actually alive and really happy

- That I am the bitch, I am a nice person until you stab me from the behind, then I get the cold hearted person that don’t care if you die or are alive, I would just make sure that you know what I feel and how I feel about you!

Now I hope I have clear some things out at least, and the funniest thing is that some girls have been saying that I am ugly as Kim Kardashian and Megan Fox, honest that is really a nice thing to say mostly because they are both really good looking young women. But I have to say that Megan Fox is really plastic because she has done too much plastic operation, and we all know that Kim K, has done that too but I haven’t so thank you for thinking I am a true beauty.

I really know that there are boys that doesn’t like me at all they think I am ugly fine, good that I don’t look good to everyone that would have been a pain in the arse, honest you would have to say no to more people and that is hard, well the girls are mostly jealous because I do get along with boys way easier than girls. Boys are more adventures then girls are, I mean how many girl friends would go out skating, rollerblades, be outside in the woods, dive from the rocks, jump bungee jump, rock climbing? None here at least! Jeez but my male friends really like to do everything that I love to do, was great to live in the north Sweden when my south friends came to pick me up to go to ski with a snowboard, was fun to go to the hills and go down, through I got a fracture in the arm, but at least they are way more fun to hang out with then the shite talking bullshit girl mates I have!

So I know that my girl mates will read this so this is for you all : Don’t trash talk because I find it funny to see how much you are lying and trying to deny what you have been saying about me, and next time have the guts to tell those things to my face! Honest when was I out on the clubs dancing, probably one year ago! I don’t drink anymore because I don’t find it so funny to be hangover as a pig as I was two days after New Year’s Eve!

Well mostly I am ashamed of being a girl jeez we do trash talk way too much, do it like me loud and clear so the persons hear what you like about them, honest it will bug them even more that you have the guts to talk about them loud and clear!

Now to the end of this long shite blog, I love my boyfriend lots, my family too, and some friends but you all know who you are so LOVE YOU!

Peace out!

http://meganfoxbuzz.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/04/megan-fox-before-surgery-2009.jpg Megan Fox

http://www.worldnewsin.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/11/Kim-Kardashian.jpg Kim Kardashian

No name..

I don’t know what to do anymore. Friends that should be friend aren’t friends. Those I trusted in I can’t trust in. Well now I know at least that I am going to die painfully slow inside.

I just hope that someone will bring me up from this dark hole.

Jeez not fun to be me today...

Swedish music and my thoughts

I will just say one thing today… I am listening to lots of music but there is a song that is in Swedish that is called 7milakliven. The lyric goes something like this in English “I will not come home tonight, if I know myself. Let us say goodbyes to both the heart and the soul, I can take a long hard punishment for all the times we have had” This is really a beautiful song. Everyone is moaning that Swedish singers is bad, I stand for that I like some Swedish singers like

- Håkan Hellström
- Danny
- Darin
- Ola Svensson
- Agnes
- September
- Europe
- EMD
- Måns Zelmerlöw
- Takida
- Eric Saade
- Erik Grönwall
- Imperiet, Ebba Grön and Joakim Thåström

Well people seem to forget that we have lots of good artist here we do have Robyn through I don’t like her music she is big outside Sweden.
Then we have Max Martin that is a writer jeez he had done really many songs to ex. Britney Spears and Backstreet boys but really he is a good example that there are good talent songwriters here in this small country.

The only think I miss in Swedish music is a good decent rock band Europe is the only one that I can say that I like the rest is shite, Hammerfall is okey but not Wow, I would like that we get a rock band that is as good as: Guns ‘n roses, Poison, Mötley Crüe, AcDc, Bon jovi and Scorpions there are lots of good rock bands out in the world.
Now to the thing about the Swedish music I know for a fact many people hate Håkan Hellström for his lyrics and that he can’t sing live, but Eh he is really good live he takes the audience and make them sing all the songs with him, magic to see him live.
Anyway now to the thing we have got many good singers from our show called Idol I know I am an idol watching person but the thing is this year it isn’t anyone that is good in the show. This year it’s a singer called Jay Smith and he is not good at all he takes drugs, and people seem to love him lots, now to the thing it’s not fair to the other one that was in the show if they had taken drugs they would have been gone. Just because the jury loves him he gets to stay!
Seems like they that wins our idol really is shite the next year I only know that one winner has succeed and it’s Agnes.

Now to the thing I like our punk bands we have here in Sweden but they aren’t new ones they are old ones :P haha Imperiet is really amazing to listen to or Ebba Gröns song die mauer it’s about berlin wall.

Anyway people have been telling me that I love pop more than rock but they are so wrong I was thinking what music I love most and it is punk and rock like nirvana, AcDc and Guns ‘n roses they are the most artist I listen to, I wouldn’t change that but people seems to have forgot that I love rock because I started to like Backstreet boys because I fall inlove with Nick Carter jeez was so embarrassing that I liked him.

Anyway I want to say that I love our music in Sweden!

I will link you some of the songs I like from you tube, listen and enjoy !

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q0XtJDW7oiI Martin S- 7milakliv
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rNiQNdmEv_g Håkan - Känn ingen sorg för mig Göteborg <3333333
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ym6tF0vDfO4&translated=1 Darin breathing your love alone <3333
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tJJBajoexGg&translated=1 Agnes - On and on
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J294A-R1Cjk&translated=1 Robyn- dancing on

Boys flirting jeez

Boys, where can I start about them, I know they think at least that a blond blue eyed girl is stupid and want everyone. Not true at all, it’s the boys that are stupid not me at least

Let start with this I do know when someone flirt with me but I always pretend that I don’t notice it because if I start to care I really have many idiots that do it. Well some are cute and hot, but mostly the boys are butt ugly and I wouldn’t touch them with my arms, jeez that is the scary thing I rather want to be dead then to touch some of the boys.

Let’s take yesterday I was on the tram and one boy sat beside me, probably around my age, Swedish anyway he said “Hello, cutie you are lucky today, I want to fuck today?” I mean if you want to flirt with me that wouldn’t work for 1 billion trust me on that! The thing is that I think It’s at least 10 different boys that do flirt with me when I am outside, the thing is that I haven’t wanted to have anyone as my boyfriend so I haven’t cared that they have been doing it…

I remember when I worked in a shop one boy was there to fix one thing, Eh I am a girl that looks lots on the arse *_* jeez this boy actually pulled his pants down a bit so I could see his boxers was white, and his arse was actually really nice, anyway he was really cute and hot. The thing was I have never ever said this to anyone but he asked me for a date, he thought I was really cute and nice. Well I do regret that I never went on the date, but it was totally just not the right one. Deep inside I do like romance and romantic stuff (damn it’s bad I know!). Everyone thinks the silly fraises works on me but hell no they are so wrong, I think the only thing that works on me is that you actually pay attention to who I am as a person and respect that.

Then we have the desperate boys that sends you mail via, facebook, tagged, myyearbook or twitter saying hello cutie want to fuck, I want a relationship with you, I love you marry me jeez they don’t even fuck know me. I don’t care that they want to be friends but hell no I don’t want to get married, that thought scares me really because then you have to share everything with someone you love and hopefully it will go good, but most of my friends that has got married is divorced now..

I can actually just come up with one thing and that is that boys are so desperate when they flirt and want some girl. I can’t say everyone has the same problem as me, I am always honest with them and say I don’t want a relationship, they don’t respect if you tell them that you are in a relationship then they say I am lying! Jeez why would I lie that I have a boyfriend if I would lie I would say I love girls and have a girlfriend and doesn’t get turned on by males haha wonder if they would give up then!

I know that this is just my thoughts, but I wonder how boys think about us girls, wonder if we are as desperate as some boys are? I know that not everyone is so desperate, but it would be fun to hear how boys see us girls and their opinion on how we flirt.

I have one male friend that said the hot and sexy girls doesn’t flirt with you they only take the jackarses , they never take a good boy, only the bad ones. I always answer him but is it so wrong that a not so attractive girl flirt with you? And he says yes. Anyway in my mind boys are strange!

oh I know I'm not right so don't tell me that I am wrong!

the feeling about my heart disease

I want to write something that is hard to talk about, my life in general, and something that is with me every single day even though I don’t want to have it

Let us start from the beginning I was born with a hole in my heart, in the left ventricle, and they found out that when I became ill. So I did an heart operation when I was five years old, all I really remember from that time was the time after the operation mostly because I was in bed, and watched how my pee went somewhere, I really couldn’t move. That was hard for me as a kid, then I had really much pains because they had to open the ribs to get to the heart. Was a pain to walk when I could walk again.

Then when I was 15 I think it was the heart started to spoke once again, I was in a swimming hall and then I remember the rhythm of the heart was wrong, you know that you can feel your heart beats, all I felt was that it went double and it was a huge pain when It did the work, so I went to the hospital once again they couldn’t say much there, so they send me back to my heart doctor, and there they said that I had to big heart and it was giving to much blood I really can’t the name but anyway, that I will probably need a new operation. Now 10 years later I feel worse than ever.

Every day is a struggle for me, If I get a cold I can’t walk up to my sisters, mostly because I feel like I don’t get enough air and the heart starts to beat funny, I know this isn’t good at all. But the thing is I don’t really want to show people how bad I feel. I have every single day so much pain in the chest mostly because the heart beats strange, I can sit when it starts, it can happen when I am about to go to bed.

This week I will go to the heart doctor for my big control, what if he says that I need an operation I know that it’s the worst thing that I can hear, but also it will be the best thing to hear mostly because then I know I will feel good. I was talking to one that had the same thing as I had she was older than me, and she had done three operations on the heart, so she told me what I have ahead mostly because it seems I have worse than she had.

People seem to think I am healthy and that but it’s time for my friends to wake up! I am ill and I am really ill because I just feel for sleeping honest I can sleep 10-16 hours if someone doesn’t wake me up and be awake 6-8 hours than sleep again, I know it’s strange but not really because I have an heart disease.
One friend of me has told me that I should grow up and stop thinking of my heart and drink alcohol and have fun with people, okay this is something I should think about really much because I can’t drink that. It’s really dangerous for me mostly because the heart start to beat faster and my heart is fucked up really. I am sitting down now and the heart beats 100 beats every minute that’s not so good, but at least I am alive trust me I am happy to be alive.

Sometimes I wish I had more friends that has the same trouble so they know what I feel..

Betray

I think that this is something everyone will have in their life from some people they will meet.

The thing is that people always betray you somehow they trash talk you, talk bad things behind your back you can hear them but they will never notice you are there mostly because they are full of talking about you.

I really just realize that people are maniacs they tell you something then they are full of bullshite, I have or had one friend that said to me that I never was there for her, now to the thing I was there for this friend always I even went maniac to a boy she liked and screamed at him how stupid he is for hurting this great person.. When I think about this I really should say sorry to that guy, he didn’t deserve that, anyway then I always was there supporting her, but that isn’t in her mind. The thing was when I almost lost a dear friend, this friend said to me kind this words, Forget about him, if he doesn’t want to be your friend then you can’t do anything. I don’t think she supported me at all, instead she was laughing at me because I became the joke somehow.
Well I have to say I have been betrayed so many times that I can’t even bother to care anymore when they betray me, only if someone I really trust or are really close with would hurt. But the thing is that friend who says you aren’t there for them, when you clearly are is talking so much shite about your back. All I want to do is to punch them to hell or the other side of the earth so I never ever have to see them again.

Then I don’t get girls (mostly them) that they are the worst people of betray you as a person, they always backstab you and leave you there like you are the black sheep, really I wish I could do magic so everyone of my friend could be happy but guess what I can’t, and because of that I get betrayed by them mostly because I tell them the truth as you always should do!

I am sick of false people that betray my trust! I don’t need you in my life and you don’t have to pretend to like me, just tell me the truth and I will be okey, good to know have a good life! Jeez I am getting sick of the bullshite and things are around this world!

Some people think everything is about them BUT wake up everything isn’t about you! It’s about other people not you as you think!

If you want to get to know me then don’t betray me, be my friend and really ask how I feel and support me for once!

I want to tell everyone that this wasn't easy to write about mostly because this is my own thoughts, and I don't like to show what i feel deep inside!

The scary thing: Love

This one topic is the hardest thing ever to write about, mostly because I have tell my feelings to someone else but in the end when you have open up yourself you feel proud and happy about yourself, the most scary thing is that the other person doesn’t have the same feelings as you have.

Well to make any sense because it’s my brain we will try to get down!

I will start with my ex boyfriend that I had, I really have realize that I never loved him, so now to the big question why I was together with him? I was with him mostly because everyone else wanted me to have someone! The worst part in this is that I was with him because my so called friend wanted me to be with him, okey I do regret being with him because I didn’t love him, I regret that I told him that I love him, because those words are something you should mean with the whole heart before you telling them. I know who many people have told I love you and never meant it; I have not my proudest moment ever! I wish really that I can go back in time and change some things that would be one of the things.

The thing is that I learned lots about not being in love and how it was to be humiliated since he cheated on me really much. That was the thing that made me close my heart and I tried to close the heart so no one could hurt me or humiliate me ever again. But I also made a huge list what a guy should have so I never had to fall in love. I know it sounds crazy but it’s true!
I am will tell you what was on the list, because then people will understand how sick the list was in the first place.

- Born 1980-1984
- He should have blond hair, blue eyes
- He should be rich like a billionaire ( I am ashamed about that, because money isn't everything)
- He should have an athletic body
- He should be 180 cm tall or taller
- He should be nice, handsome, sexy, make me feel good
- He should be romantic

There are some of the things in the list and I know that it’s bad because no one in this world can be that dream boy I wanted to have!

But anyway then I slowly started to fall in love with a boy, trust me I didn’t realize that I started to fall for that boy, if I had realize it I would have run the other way, and hide. It was really scary to tell him what I felt mostly because I was really scared he wouldn’t feel the same, but somehow I was really lucky because he felt the same things. He also taught me what love is about, how you should be to someone else, and when I told him I love you, trust me it felt so easy, and people that know me in real life really know that I am scared of telling those words.

I really don’t know what more I should say about love, mostly because I don’t want to open up myself more then I have done.

I mean there are lots of different loves I will go in to that someday I think.

Anyway thanks for reading this shite as I call it…

my own thoughts about friends..

This topic is kind of hard to talk about but I know I have to talk about it since this is an important thing in your life, friends.

So this will be about good and bad friends, and how I want you to be as a friend for me.

Let us start with the bad friends, it is them who pretends to be your friend and doesn’t like you and they make sure that every else knows that they dislike or hate you, then they talk nice to you and try to get out information or pretends to be a good friend. Anyway I know this has happen to everyone but for me it seems that it happens all the time, mostly because they get jealous of me as a person. I don’t get who they can be jealous of me, I mean come on they think I get what I want but that isn’t true at all!

Then there is a difference between boy mates and girl mates mostly is that boys tell you directly what they feel about you and doesn’t trash talk you, as girls do. Let take an example of this, I asked my male mate how do this dress look on me, and trust me it wasn’t the best respond you can get, he actually said I looked fat, and ugly in it but the knee socks I had was sexy… then I asked a girl mate about the same outfit and she was telling me that I looked slim, and sexy and only good things, now to the point boys always tell you the truth (most of the times)
I really can go on with the bad friends because it’s easier to do that but I will write about the good ones too.

Those friends that I see as a good ones is those that doesn’t talk trash about you and tells you the truth no matter how much it would hurt me as a person, but at least they wouldn’t lie and say that things looks good, or yeah he loves you (when he doesn’t) they tell you the truth no matter what!

Then friends is something that you really need in life, they make you smile and laugh and make you feel good, I do love my friends those that I have as close ones I know it’s not so many people but they are my everything. I can go to them when I break apart and they would make me smile again! Trust me not a good thing when I break apart but HELLO I do that too sometimes.

The thing is that most of my so called friends think I never cry, I never get hurt, that I always smile and feel happy always. They should get back to the reality because I do cry when I get hurt, I cry when I get hurt, I whipped as a baby when I broke my ankle so yeah I do cry, I broke apart this summer for some reasons and those friends that saw me really knows how bad it was. Then my next question is why do not people see when I don’t feel bad? Yes because they aren’t a friend, they would see if you are hurt, sad, happy, and confessed or anything else because they know who you are as a human.

Oh if you want me to write about anything that you wonder about me, and my thoughts just comment and I will write about it when I feel for it.

my own thoughts about jealousy..

Well I see jealousy as a bad thing because you always want something you can’t get, so for an example you want someone’s boyfriend but you can’t get him. The thing is you should respect the other persons feelings like the other girl in the relationship she doesn’t like that other girls is after her man, lad, husband, boyfriend so whatever you want to call it.

Now to the thing about jealousy I have seen it really close, and it destroys the best people from the inside, why not just try to make things that makes you feel happy? So if someone doesn’t love me then I would think for one week probably oh shite this sucks but then I would try to move on and try to be friends instead and then be happy for the person. I don’t want jealousy to destroy me; I like to be “pure” and not black inside.

Then I got a request from one person that means lots to me as a friend about respect! So I will write my own thoughts about it and it’s not right or wrong! Just my thoughts,

You have to respect yourself before you can respect others, so those people that doesn’t respect for an example that you are in a relationship with a boy doesn’t have self respect and they can’t see what makes the other person happy!

Oh my god I boil of angriness as soon as I think about it mostly because I can place my own feelings in this shite. The worst thing is that I just feel like crying mostly for the people that doesn’t respect me as a human being, they think I don’t get hurt when they try to take what I have, they seem to want to be me stupid jealous bitches as I call them! In my eyes they are less worth then dogs! Wait they are less worth then the pigs… They just try to make the people that is happy miserable.

I know I sound like a girl but guess what I am a girl and I can only see it from the girls eyes, and I know most girls knows what I am speaking about or we can pretend I know what I am talking about.

Mostly I think that jealousy is bad thing because the other person that is it try to control her/his partner do that to max, don’t do that, do that, don’t talk to that one, don’t look at that one! Jeeeeeeez I will just say my boyfriend will always be free to speak to whom he ever want to speak with, hang out with whoever he wants to be with, as long as he respect me as a human and don’t make me look bad or even worse stupid in front of other people.

You can be jealous of the other things that someone else have, like things, doesn’t have to be a person or so.

Well jealousy sucks! People should start to respect more things than they do!

Idiot!

I have decided that it’s time to clear up something so I have decided that the best thing is to write it in the blog :)

Well I will write about idiots mostly because there are some idiots in my world. So the first thing I did before I will write this blog was to look up what an Idiot is so according to Wikipedia an idiot is:

An idiot, dolt, or dullard is a mentally deficient person, or someone who acts in a self-defeating or significantly counterproductive way. Archaically the word mome has also been used. The synonymous terms moron, imbecile, and cretin have all gained specialized meanings in modern times. An idiot is said to be idiotic, and to suffer from idiocy. A dunce is an idiot who is specifically incapable of learning. An idiot differs from a fool (who is unwise) and an ignoramus (who is uneducated/ an ignorant), neither of which refer to someone with low intelligence.

Then we can start by saying that I have a boy that has asked me several times to get married to him but the thing is that I really don’t love him at all, I love someone else, and lucky me I have him. I would say that that boy is an Idiot because he is doing the same thing over and over again! And he doesn’t learn something from it, how can you be so stupid that you ask someone over and over I will not change please move on!

Then there are girls! Jez I don’t know where to start with them, but mostly they are jealous idiots that talks trash behind your backs :( they don’t care how you feel at all. Well there is always some girl that loves/likes the boy you love, but can’t see that he doesn’t feel the same way. Trust me been there done that so I know more than people think.. well how could I have been jealous of someone else relationship, it’s because I saw that he loved someone else and not me, I was unsure about our friendship he might just have had friend feelings but I loved him.

To prove my point on this I went to Wikipedia I know it’s not a good page but it helps me to find out what I want to prove.
Jealousy is an emotion and typically refers to the negative thoughts and feelings of insecurity, fear, and anxiety over an anticipated loss of something that the person values, such as a relationship, friendship, or love. Jealousy often consists of a combination of emotions such as anger, sadness, and disgust. It is not to be confused with envy.

I guess I can be the idiot too, but how the hell can I control someone else thoughts as people seem to tell me that I do!? Jez you can’t control someone’s thoughts it’s the person that do that not someone else!

Then we have the other thing about idiots it’s that they will never learn what’s good for them and there for they destroy good things that other has because they are unsure about their own values and feelings!

I might write more about Idiots and jealousy but I don't know because it's hard to write without naming people

den stora stygga världen: sanningen - the truth

den stora stygga världen: sanningen - the truth: "Jag hade tänkt reda ut lite saker om mig, jag vet att folk inte bryr sig vem jag är eller så men nu är jag trött på att folk inte känner mig..."

the blond brain how it works.. somehow...

Jag hade tänkt reda ut lite saker om mig, jag vet att folk inte bryr sig vem jag är eller så men nu är jag trött på att folk inte känner mig, och dömer mig för den jag är. Jag hade tänkt skriva detta på engelska så de som inte förstår engelska ledsen!

Here we go, I know this will be many wrongs here but I don't give a shite cause this is the truth about me, myself and my thoughts...

As you all know my name is Johanna Maria Pyykkö, I have always hated my name because I got so much bullied when I was younger for everything. but today it’s really nice to have a name that not so many people has, but I am sick that ADULTS still bullies me because I am who I am. Anyway this will be no name because people that read it will know if it’s them I mean or not!

So now to the things I want to straight out, people don’t think I am shy so now to that part I am really shy. I really don’t talk to many people cause I can’t find the words to talk to new people because of my past. People have always made sure that I have been the outsider, but then I have had some friends that made my world great by just being there for me but they don’t really know how bad I felt, mostly cause I never ever talk about my feeling so whatever, it’s to private to talk about..

People seems to call me a whore but that’s the thing I can actually count on one hand how many people I have had sex with, and I am sick that people tell me other things! Oh yeah we call Johanna a whore cause she has had sex with 3 people -.-‘ that’s not fair and the other thing is that people sees me as a failure cause I have only had one boyfriend in my past! Now to that boyfriend he was shite I can agree on that but if I didn’t have had him I wouldn’t know what I was looking for in a guy so I should really thank him for showing me what I don’t want to have in a guy!

I know people think I am hot and sexy and cute but the thing is that I don’t think that about myself and that’s because it’s a huge issue in my head people told me that I was ugly for so many years that my brain thinks I am that. Nothing wrong with that! Yes it is cause for one time in my life I want to feel beautiful and loved and I do that thanks to one wonderful person that really has taught me what love is about. So I really want to thank him for having the patience with me because I know I am a hard complex person that has hard to speak what I feel really.

Then to the friends, if you are my friend you wouldn’t make me feel bad and say things like, for an example, I don’t get how you can have a boyfriend and have boys after you because I am hotter then you in every way. If you feel like that then don’t tell me because it makes me so sad inside that you that is my friend that tells me that. I wish I could do magic so I can make everyone happy but I can’t, I need to concentrate on myself for once and that person I love! Not on the plague that the friends are somehow..

For once I think I should be happy mostly cause I have never been so happy as I am today and trust me my life sucks basically more than anything I don’t have a work or the brains to get one because I don’t do well with other people mostly cause I have other thoughts then they and think in a different way.

But the thing I never talk about is how I feel, so I will try to tell you all so you don’t have to ask me how I feel and sneak about it! I am scared to death that I need an new operation on the heart and no one really understands how it’s to have the same thought every day I know I am ill I can’t help it if I get a cold that I just want to be in bed because I can’t get up from the bed, I just wish people would think more than they do! They tell me things that make me think more then I should I should try to concentrate on what’s best for me! Then people think somehow that I don’t get hurt I do I am a human for fuck sake! Everyone gets hurt when people are mean to you! I am good at ignoring things but it kills me every time people say something bad, but I also know that I am way better than them mostly because I try to be nice to them even if they hate me or dislike me!

I know for a fact if you want to change your life with me than I would say no because I do love to be myself and have my thoughts, I like math, space, sports, shopping, I love to be blond and blue eyed I love to be the person that doesn’t think too much just to do the things I want to do! I know I analyze things way too much but hey I think everyone would do that if they have been in the same situation that I have been in. I don’t trust in so many people because they always fail to earn the trust by talking trash behind my back.

This is the real Johanna, or maybe just 10 % of her, if you do want to get to know me doesn’t try to be someone you aren’t because that is just wrong!

/ Johanna

tankar tror jag..

Ja då har man varit på sjukhuset igen för handen måste säga att man ska nog satsa på att bli läkare med tanke på att det kostar en förmögenhet att åka till dem och de kollar dej i typ 2 min -.-'' SKANDAL säger jag bara... dock fick jag lite goda nyheter ska göra en operation med lokalbedövning xD tydligen läcker min handled ut sin nerv vätska O_o

http://cns.sahlgrenska.gu.se intressant sida att läsa :D

Anyway till andra saker... har kollat lite dokumentärer om väder och lite andra saker :) intressanta saker som alltid :D

sedan har jag fått för mig att jag ska kolla på tredje skiftet (third watch) igen kollade första avsnittet idag måste säga att jag inte kommer i håg det alls :< ovanligt men sant...

Julklappar : mamma ska få en fin tunika tröja hade jag tänkt mig, systerdottern får en te servis tror jag det var, har redan glömt vad jag har köpt.. Jenna min syster kommer jag köpa något som man inte tar upp här eftersom hon kanske läser bloggen.. Pappa kommer la få en tröja eller en film xD budget julklapp till honom haha Jari får en film :P Sedan om Michael kommer jag att köpa något till honom :) får se vad man kan hitta på till honom :)

Annars jag mår utmärkt bra och livet leker

You know you love me Xoxo Johanna

Ifk - gais

Kommer att uppdatera den matchen på fb tada Johanna ska på matchen....


Ojaaaaaaaaaa jag har blivit fotbollstokig Tjingeling!

//JJ

Shit happens

argh! inte för att klaga men mina golv är SNORHALA ramlade förrut :| och självklart tog jag emot med min vänster arm... =/ aja smärta är jag van vid...

lycklig nej önskar sjukvården är bättre...

/J

söndag

har varit en underbar dag :)

Itunes :)

ooh har nog lite för mycket musik i min itnues :| kan inte ens bestämma vad jag vill lyssna på...

men har cryin' med aerosmith nu *_*

vad ska man hitta på i dag :S skype kanske :)

Love you my bitches!

// JJ

sjuk

feber igen :< undrar när det går över...

sjukhus...

okej inte för att vara negativ men om man bryter benet i handen måste man vänta 5 månader för att komma till hand kirurgin i gbg -.-'

jag menar det värker i handen men det bryr de sig fan inte om oss vanliga människor...

aja mer om det någon annan gång...

klaga inte nu har jag skrivit

/JJ

Because of you

I will not make the same mistakes that you did
Will not let myself cause my heart so much misery
I will not break the way you did
You fell so hard
I've learned the hard way, to never let it get that far

Because of you
I'll never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side
So I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust
Not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid

I lose my way
And it's not too long before you point it out
I cannot cry
Because I know that's weakness in your eyes
I'm forced to fake, a smile, a laugh
Every day of my life
My heart can't possibly break
When it wasn't even whole to start with

Because of you
I'll never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side
So I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust
Not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid

I watched you die
I heard you cry
Every night in your sleep
I was so young
You should have known better than to lean on me
You never thought of anyone else
You just saw your pain
And now I'm crying
In the middle of the night
For the same damn thing

Because of you
I'll never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side
So I don't get hurt
Because of you
I tried my hardest just to forget everything
Because of you
I don't know how to let anyone else in
Because of you
I'm ashamed of my life because it's empty
Because of you
I am afraid

Because of you
Because of you

vill ha tillbaka det!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fSdgBse1o7Q halo with Beyonce...

you have stole my heart, can i please have it back?

okej vill ha tillbaka mitt hjärta kan jag få det... ?

//JJ

hahah

okej inte för att låta dum.. men hur kan jag somna framför cam O_o okej det var första gången och jag var riktigt trött kan jag meddela :D

aja hoppas min vän förlåter mig (A)

/ JJ

usch

ja vad mer kan man säga har varit sjuk i mer än vecka :(

något fel på magen lovar.. enda fördelen är att jag förlorar vikt på det..

så vad har hänt i dag egentligen O_o för varmt för att jag ska trivas vill ha regn så jag känner att jag kan andas... tror att jag ska åka hem i morgon så jag kan kolla guld matchen hemma själv :)

inte behöva höra pappa gnälla xD

/JJ

some jokes i found :D

I don't mind fat people, I just don't like fat people that try to pretend that one part of their body's fat. Like my Aunt Sara's like that. I'll be like, 'Hey, Aunt Sara, you want a piece of this cake?' She'll be like, 'I can't have that cake. It'll go straight to my hips.' Really? Well, it seems to make a pit stop on your ass and back.

I don't have a huge penis, but I had everything in my bedroom built to three-quarters scale so it looks bigger


That's the gayest thing in the world: a fanny pack. If you're a guy, you're wearing a fanny pack, the only thing inside there's, like, a butt plug and Streisand tickets.

Hahaha they made me laugh :)

/Johanna

=[

mår inget bra oroar mig för en sak dock borde jag inte göra det med gör det

tankar

okej jag fattar inte varför han raderar ut mig ur sitt liv?
vad har jag gjort för fel? vad är det som har hänt?
Jag vet att om han gör som han gör nu kommer jag inte att
överleva eftersom jag kommer att sluta leva jag dör innombords..

dagligt skit

Har kollat fotbolls vm hejade på england och så klart åker de ut mot tyskland som pappa hejar på >.< ja nu kanske spanien, brasilien, Argentina eller Tyskland vinner Vm...

Annars sover en massa O_o känns som jag kan sova i hundra år skulle någon väcka mej om jag somna så länge xD

Fredrik är urjobbig med sina jävla frierier >.< Jonas kan dränka sig >.< Linus ska flytta till Australien =] Wohooooooooooooooooooooo glada nyheter =]

Vad ska man göra i helgen... städa =]

/ JJ

Känner mig!

Ingen vet vem jag är egentligen de vet bara mitt namn tro mig det är inte lätt alltid =( Det som är verkligt för mig är mina känslor mitt leende, sport kollande det är då jag känner mig levande..

Usch Fredrik fick för sig att fria igen >_< jobbigt värre =(

/ J

=(

Höll på att dö i dag blev nästan överkörd av en gammal gubbe...

HAHA

http://i48.tinypic.com/eu0ims.gif

alltså hahahahah

aj

har ont i hela kroppen känns som jag skulle vilja gråta som ett litet barn..

Dagen

oj oj nu verkar det som om jag har skadat vänster handen =(

oh jag hade ett underhållande nöje på facebook i går låter inte kul men det var det om man var den tredje personen :)

aja kärleks bekymmer suck nu har jag typ hundra tals killar efter mig -.-'

/Johanna

En låt :D

ooh jag verkligen gillar denna låt :)

skallen

vet inte var jag ska börja..

hmm jag vet att kärlek är nog det enda jag inte förstår mig på inte för fem öre :(

Fredrik är en av mina bästa vänner men nu börjar folk säga att det är hmm vet inte hur jag ska säga det men de säger att jag älskar honom men det gör jag inte.. kärlek ska vara något som gör dig tokig :/ Fredrik är inte den personen...

Jonas var aldrig kär i honom det har jag kommit fram till nu på senare tid så när jag sa jag älskar dig var det inte av kärlek det var för att du alltid sa det till mig och jag till slut bara sa det det var svårt och jobbig =( det sjukaste är nog vårat förhållande över huvudtaget det var hur ska jag säga det screwed från början redan man ska nog inte ha ett sådant förhållande som vi hade...

ja vad kan jag säga alla verkade ha rätt i en sak när jag väl kommer bli riktigt förälskad kommer jag inte att få honom det underligaste är att jag tror att folk har rätt.. vet inte varför men som det känns just nu så kommer jag inte att få honom..
han är nog en av de människor som jag inte förstår mig på.. stänger inne sig i sitt skal allt jag vill är att komma in... Oja det låter som hur jag var innan jag blev förälskad.. Jag önskar att jag kan få hela situationen att ändras men det kan jag inte det värsta är att ingen i min kompis krets vet hur jag känner mig =(

Johanna har torskat och det var aldrig meningen... Lekarna är slut orkar inte mer.. allt jag vill göra är att lägga mig ner på marken och försvinna för jag vill inte känna mig som jag gör nu det är hemskt.. jag vill bara dö eftersom då slipper jag känna hur det krossade hjärtat känns...

Kanske borde säga Förlåt till de hjärtan jag har krossat tack vare alla mina lekar :/

/ Johanna

idiot fittor

Tror fasiken att jag kommer att kicka killars röv när det gäller spel jag är inte dålig på det är bra på det !

Vakum

Är det så att jag är i ett vakum som jag inte kan ta mej ur O_o

aja skit med tankar man har... ska låta hjärtat styra för en gång skull =)

/JJ

Livet

ooh vad ska man säga.. har mycket tankar i skallen men vet inte vem jag ska prata med om dem =D

kärlek, jobb, familjen, tankar, vänner med flera..

någon som vill komma in i min skalle tala om det gör mig och jag kanske öppnar mig för dig

/ Johanna

Tjingeling

Sneeeeeeeeeeee på min matte kurs xD

dålig rubrik

ja vad ska man ta och skriva om xD

är förkyld :( men känner brännlukten O_o från en vulkan som hade utbrott på island ja PÅ ISLAND xD

jeje älskar migsjälv :=)

barca

de vann el classico :)

sen när blev jag så hatad O_o vänta lite har inte jag alltid varit det xD

/ JJ

Galet

måste säga att man kan hitta sjuka grupper på fejan xD usch har gått med i en massa :)

usch vet inte hur jag ska lägga upp min examen i kommunikation >_< måste handla om naturkatastrofer :S inte skoj alls :) kommer nog på något som vanligt :)

Ja vem ska man ringa när åskan kommer :( den som brukar trösta mig är jag inte vän med längre xD

OOOOOOOOO JAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA jag blir kallad hora och slampa schysst jag älskar det betyder bara att de är avis på mig :)

/JJ

:/

jag vet inte var jag ska ta vägen usch hatar att känna så här..

/JJ

18 månader

oj oj oj kommer att vara en evighet men jag vet att det är värt det!

aja kommer att klaga en massa var beredd på det !

/JJ

kärlek

shit vet inte hur jag ska säga detta... tror att jag kommer att få ångra vissa saker som har hänt och kommer hända =(

om man älskar en så älskar dem dej inte tillbaka :( vet en sak kommer se till att vara den kalla känslolösa bitchen jag har varit innan jag träffade honom som jag så mycket vill ha.. usch ska jag berätta det eller inte just nu känner jag mig inte alls älskad över huvud taget :(

hur kan en människa orska så mycket smärta :( så mycket tårar är han värd mig...

vet inte usch!

/JJ

Alla hjärtansdag

usch inte fick man höra av den personen man ville att han älskar en :(

kan inte tro det men Jonas hade rätt att jag kommer vara olycklig... se hur rätt han hade...

varför kan inte killar fatta att tjejer vill höra jag älskar dig... varför kan de inte bara vara romantiska.. killar är dumma de kan inget om vad vi tjejer vill höra...

dumma XX som inte sa något till mig och bevisade att Jonas hade rätt!

/ JJ

Hallelujah moment

Måste bara säga en sak man ska ta och lyssa på troende låtar... nu vet jag verkligen vet vad jag vill göra =] Hoppas att det är bara han känner de samma :)


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8Uw8mIcQJn8

I'm here again, a thousand miles away from you
A broken mess, just scattered pieces of who I am
I tried so hard, thought I could do this on my own
I've lost so much along the way

Then I see your face, I know I'm finally yours
I find everything I thought I lost before
You call my name, I come to you in pieces
So you can make me whole

I've come undone
But you make sense of who I am
Like puzzle pieces in your hand

when l see your face, I know I'm finally yours
I find everything I thought I lost before
You call my name, I come to you in pieces
So you can make me whole

I tried so hard, so hard
I tried so hard

Then I see your face, I know I'm finally yours
I find everything I thought I lost before
You call my name, I come to you in pieces
So you can make me whole
So you can make me whole

/ JJ

kan inte sova

usch kan inte sova... fattar inte varför :( har för mycke att tänka på...

en sak jag har märkt hur en kan vara så kall mot mig >_< när andra är med men när man är ensam är personen inte alls kall emot mig... om jag tänker till lite kanske jag kommer på varför personen i fråga är så kall emot mej...


ja vad mer tårarna rinner kan inte sova är trött men inte trött... det finns nog bara en som kan få mina tårar att rinna så här mycket -.- mr john blund som inte kommer till mig >_< inte konstigt att jag kollapsar i hjärnan xD

snart alla hjärtansdag usch lär vara ensam i år igen :( inte bra medans andra är ute och roar sig :( :( inte skoj alls :(

jo nu ska nu höra lite skojiga saker diego addade mig som vän och hans flickvän hatar mig mer än något annat xD aja vet inte om jag ska vara glad eller ledsen egentligen med honom... Han är trevlig i alla fall det viktigaste... jo en sak till skulle aldrig röra honom han är äcklig >_<

ja killfronten står alldeles stilla xD skoja bara har la en men jag vet inte egentligen var vi står :S måste vara blondinen som är framme xD sedan har killar börjat stöta på mig skit mycke den sista tiden undra varför?

så vad händer i helgen? har ingen aning :)

// JJ

Omg glömt att blogga xD

Ja livet kunde inte vara bättre..

Ja vad har hänt sedan sist :P Jo jag får veta en massa saker jag inte borde veta.. undra varför alla kommer till mig :(

ja sedan hade jag ett intressant samtal med en... vissa saker borde man sätta i vissa kategorier som XX sa...

usch vet inte vad jag vill ta upp här idag..

/JJ

Blond bitch is back

Jaaaaaaaaaaaaaa äntligen som mina vänner säger the blond bitch is back
så vem väckte henne jo det var en =) haha inga namn nämnda men säger en sak
Hat hat hat inte bra bra...

/JJ

Lite kloka ord

Livet är himla enkelt! det är en paradox
Det man får i livet, det är det man ger. Kan det vara så?
Det som är verkligt viktigt i livet, kärlek, generositet, och ödmjukhet.. att bara vänta på att få det- då kommer det aldrig. Det är upp till mig att ge det.
Kan det vara så? att det viktigaste i livet, det kan man ge? det kan jag ge. det kan du ge.
Det kostar inga pengar. Det tar ingen tid.
Så allt vad jag får, det är precis det jag ger. Allting som du får, det är allt vad du ger, kan det vara så.
Vill du ha respekt? Ge respekt, Vill du ha kärlek? Ge kärlek många vill ha beröm... Ge det då!
Dom som ger för att få... det gäller inte att ge för att få. Det gäller att de för att de. Men det är få som ger för att ge för få.
Kan det vara så?

/JJ

Ny dag

var riktigt skönt att kunna sova en natt helt utan problem :) Smärtstillande tar verkligen bort allt :) till och med dina tankar har inte sovit så bra på länge :)

Bitches and whores watch out for Johanna she is really pissed off now xD Have been dead and rise again xD

Jonas you prank xD tack att du hämta mej :) betyder en massa :) men vill fortfarande inte vara mer än VÄNNER >_< och vet knappt om jag vill det....

Never trust in anyone xD

/ JJ

usch

Måste säga fyra inägg på sådan kort tid har en massa saker i mitt lilla huvud... =] aja saknar en person men det skiter vi i...

Jonas ringde mig helt flux idag och berättade att han var så ledsen och naiv som han har varit och han hoppas att jag kommer bli mig själv igen som om jag inte är mig själv... >_<

Jaja förutom en viss sak som jag har avstått kan inte tro att jag har klarat mig men till vilken nytta var det ^_^

Jao ska blogga lite mer nuförtiden bra att skriva av sig någon gång :)

Tudeluse !

JJ

Bitch is back

Ja nu är bitchen johanna tillbaka inget samvete alls... mohaha

dagen

Ja vad kan jag säga började skit...

Klarade inte ens av matte testet.. men fick mvg för att läraren vet att jag kan sakerna bra sak nu i efter hand..

mitt hjärta är helt söndrigt kan inte göra något.. Helst av allt skulle jag vilja bara höra han säga jag älskar dig JJ men det kommer jag aldrig mera att få höra är 99 % säker på det.. Fattar inte att jag kunde mista honom...

Tror dock att inte hans känslor kan ändras på 4 timmar kan dem det O_o

/Jo

vilsen

usch vet en sak de personer jag någonsin har släppt in i mitt hjärta har sårat mig så sjutton kolla bara vad jonas gjorde och fortfarande gör nu lär han jubla..

Jag har verkligen förlorat det enda bra i min tillvaro det enda som gjorde mej glad... enbart på grund av en sak... jag vet inte vad jag ska göra ingen är här när jag behöver dem klockan är snart halv sju och jag bryter ihop smärtan är olidlig jag vet inte hur jag ska klara av dagen jag vet inte hur jag ska klara av veckan eller framtiden.. vet bara att jag inte kommer klara av min dag bra börjar den med att bryta ihop :(

ringde linus, kim men de klickade mig :'( Sitter här och stor tjuter.. jag klarar inte av det varför gör det så ont varför? jag vet att jag aldrig någonsin kommer släppa in någon mer aldrig jag lever hellre ensam än att känna som jag gör nu... och det roliga är at alla tror att jag älskar en annan men de har så fel jag önskar jag kunde förklara i ord vad jag känner för honom men jag kan inte göra det jag vill ha honom men jag har mist honom... vad ska jag göra jag är så vilsen i mina känslor vill ha honom mitt hjärta är i tusen miljoner bitar,ett under att jag klarar av att skriva vad jag känner...


jag vet att jag älskar honom mer än jag har älskat jonas... mycket mer om jag ska vara ärlig :/ men nu är han förlorad... inget jag kan göra, vet inte vad jag ska göra allt för att en frågade en sak och jag råkade säga ja.... vad kan jag göra för att få honom tillbaka jag vill inte bara vara vän jag vill ha honom som mer... klarar inte av det mer älskar honom vet vad jag vill och när jag gör det förlorar jag det... det är inte rättvist... vill ha honom han är juh den ända anledningen jag skrattat de senaste veckorna... Jag vet att jag behöver honom i mitt liv och inte som vänner... vad sa jag göra ? vill inte ha någon annan vill ha honom... jag vet att det är han jag vill ha ingen annan..nu är det försent kommer aldrig att få honom igen... mitt hjärta är i en miljon bitar...

jag kan inte sova kommer inte kunna äta.... kommer inte kunna göra något bara vara ett lik som tänker på honom... hoppas Du är lycklig nu Jonas när du har fått som du vill... mig singel igen... men kommer inte tillbaka till dig heller ska du veta om jag vill bara ha honom och ingen annan...

måste försöka sova en stund innan skolan.... mitt liv är förstört!!!!!!

/Johanna

O_o

Jonaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaas Ge faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan i att blogga från min blogg >_<

Vad ska jag skriva om xD jag har nog en så kallad pojkvän xD hahahaha

Skit ner dig Jonas xD