Okay I will write about something that I never really talk about
and that is how it is to really is to be me, as no one really
knows how it is to be me.
I've always had my family close to me, but they never know
how bullied I was in school as I never told them, they think
I've had friends but the thing is that I never had more than one
and that friend is not my mate today, as she lied to me
every time. She never was honest with me, she trashed talked
me to everyone and I don't know why she did it?
In school I was there but never really happy, the teacher never
said to the others that they should stop bulling me,
they just cared about the grades, I saw one girl getting an A
in english but she should have got an D. I don't know but they
made me keep quiet about it as it would destory her choice to go
to college.
Than when someone liked me, that was really strange as they always
ended up hitting, me, tease me because of my last name, the thing
is that I've never had a true real friend until I met Andreas.
He is really nice and I can talk to him about almost everything but
the thing is that he don't understand how it is to be me, really
I can be the bitch people never know anything about. If you tend to
be mean to me I can be ten times worse as the only thing I have learned
in Highschool was to protect me.
I have only open up myself to one person in this world and that is one
I haven't regret as that person is the one that really have taught
me what love is about, what a friendship should be about.
But the thing is when I am here now alone in my bed with my sisters cat
Chanel I just feel so alone, and I don't know why I feel more alone now than
I ever have felt, in my whole life, I didn't feel so alone when my granddad
died, when my friend turend out to be the biggest liar in this world, or
when Jonas my ex cheated on me, that was probably the time I ended up thinking
I will always be alone, as no one can stand me, or love me, and I even gave up
the thinking of having a own family..
but today I have started to think about family and others things, but the
thing is that I have taught me so much this last year about myself.
I shall thank everyone that bullied me 'cause they made me stronger, they
made me get to know myself better than everyone else have.
I have decided to what I want to do with my life finally, and what I want to become
what I want with my life and for the friend that lied to me, that is one
person that never ever will come in to my life, and she can take her family and
boyfriend and go to the other side of Sweden. She is not worth my time.
Wednesday 31 August 2011
Monday 15 August 2011
Some football, and Matilda...
Oh well I was gonna write about something but somehow I forgot it when word opened, oh well that is so me. So I will write about something else, let me speak about football.
Yesterday I watched the Spanish super cup aka, el classico as it was Real Madrid – Barcelona, I have to say it is always fun to watch that game with my uncle as he likes Barcelona, and Michael that didn’t support anyone of them, and me ofcourse I had to cheer on Real Madrid, as I like Cristiano Ronaldo, Iker and Pepe that did the best thing yesterday, well I should probably say that he should have got one red card for that, anyway the reason I don’t cheer on Barcelona is simple I don’t like Messi, but I do like Xavi, Iniesta, and their goalie. Anyway I will tell you how it sounded yesterday in my parents place…
Real scored.. Uncle : NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, Damn Turkish player not even German
Me: YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEES, I know they have stolen more players
Mike: They have stolen two from Poland, One from Turkey and One from Brazil
Uncle: yeah that is right
Mike: They aren’t even German players in the end
Me: hmm well if we think like that we’ve Ibra, Larsson, Lucic, Bajrami, Dahlin that isn’t real Swedish
Uncle: they have Swedish dad or mum
Mike: we have Heskey he is from Jamaica or something like that. Well parents ofcourse
Me and my uncle: yeah
Barca Scored: ME: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO FUCK YOOOOOOOOOOOOOU David Villa
Uncle: YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEES Villa
Me: He is a good player at least don’t mind him score, as long as Messi don’t score
Barca scores again Messi
Uncle: He always score in a game,
Me: I know Hate him, Totally hate him in a bad mood voice
Mike: that was a good thing, I don’t want Real to win, or Barca, I only care about Liverpool
Real scored : Me YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEES
Uncle : NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Well the thing is we always cheer on different teams as it is more fun to be like that.
It was so fun as during the day Manchester united played against West Brom and they won it 2-1 we saw the 1-1 and Michael was happy my mum was pretty much in a bad mood as she loves united, anyway we told my dad about the 1-1 as it was it in the half time and he says like this… THEY SHOULD WIN AS THEY PLAY AGAINST A SHITTY TEAM honest to god he would say the same if it was Arsenal, Chelsea or Liverpool that plays against a shitty team as he said..
Then he went to see the score what the game ended, as he knows Michael don’t like United he came out like a kid happy and said YES YES YES YES united won, he don’t know so much English so he said it in Swedish like, to me the other team got a own goal and I told Mike about it and he says it is always like that…
Then he started to talk about 60’s that United was good than, Liverpool in the 70’s and 80’s then united in the 90’s then he said that Liverpool has won the Man united games more than united has won in the last ten years…
Well I feel sorry for Mike as Matilda bugged him so much, like MIKEEEEEEEEEE COME NOW, MIKE I WANT TO PLAY MIKE MIKE MIKE, poor dude not able to speak Swedish and Matilda is just always speaking in Swedish, as Mike was like help me what is she is she on about. Well we walked in the forest a bit to see a painting on a rock that is from the Vikings time I think, anyway Matilda bugged us to go with us then in the end we had to carry her home, JEZ she is heavy, anyway she saw frogs and talked about them to Mike lots, well to be fair I was not alive when it came to playing as she was just on about Michael. I think she liked him lots as she just wanted him to play with Dolls, lego and other things… She even woke us up like 9 am to play with Michael and she wanted to wake us up 8 thank god she never did that..
/Johanna
Yesterday I watched the Spanish super cup aka, el classico as it was Real Madrid – Barcelona, I have to say it is always fun to watch that game with my uncle as he likes Barcelona, and Michael that didn’t support anyone of them, and me ofcourse I had to cheer on Real Madrid, as I like Cristiano Ronaldo, Iker and Pepe that did the best thing yesterday, well I should probably say that he should have got one red card for that, anyway the reason I don’t cheer on Barcelona is simple I don’t like Messi, but I do like Xavi, Iniesta, and their goalie. Anyway I will tell you how it sounded yesterday in my parents place…
Real scored.. Uncle : NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, Damn Turkish player not even German
Me: YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEES, I know they have stolen more players
Mike: They have stolen two from Poland, One from Turkey and One from Brazil
Uncle: yeah that is right
Mike: They aren’t even German players in the end
Me: hmm well if we think like that we’ve Ibra, Larsson, Lucic, Bajrami, Dahlin that isn’t real Swedish
Uncle: they have Swedish dad or mum
Mike: we have Heskey he is from Jamaica or something like that. Well parents ofcourse
Me and my uncle: yeah
Barca Scored: ME: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO FUCK YOOOOOOOOOOOOOU David Villa
Uncle: YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEES Villa
Me: He is a good player at least don’t mind him score, as long as Messi don’t score
Barca scores again Messi
Uncle: He always score in a game,
Me: I know Hate him, Totally hate him in a bad mood voice
Mike: that was a good thing, I don’t want Real to win, or Barca, I only care about Liverpool
Real scored : Me YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEES
Uncle : NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Well the thing is we always cheer on different teams as it is more fun to be like that.
It was so fun as during the day Manchester united played against West Brom and they won it 2-1 we saw the 1-1 and Michael was happy my mum was pretty much in a bad mood as she loves united, anyway we told my dad about the 1-1 as it was it in the half time and he says like this… THEY SHOULD WIN AS THEY PLAY AGAINST A SHITTY TEAM honest to god he would say the same if it was Arsenal, Chelsea or Liverpool that plays against a shitty team as he said..
Then he went to see the score what the game ended, as he knows Michael don’t like United he came out like a kid happy and said YES YES YES YES united won, he don’t know so much English so he said it in Swedish like, to me the other team got a own goal and I told Mike about it and he says it is always like that…
Then he started to talk about 60’s that United was good than, Liverpool in the 70’s and 80’s then united in the 90’s then he said that Liverpool has won the Man united games more than united has won in the last ten years…
Well I feel sorry for Mike as Matilda bugged him so much, like MIKEEEEEEEEEE COME NOW, MIKE I WANT TO PLAY MIKE MIKE MIKE, poor dude not able to speak Swedish and Matilda is just always speaking in Swedish, as Mike was like help me what is she is she on about. Well we walked in the forest a bit to see a painting on a rock that is from the Vikings time I think, anyway Matilda bugged us to go with us then in the end we had to carry her home, JEZ she is heavy, anyway she saw frogs and talked about them to Mike lots, well to be fair I was not alive when it came to playing as she was just on about Michael. I think she liked him lots as she just wanted him to play with Dolls, lego and other things… She even woke us up like 9 am to play with Michael and she wanted to wake us up 8 thank god she never did that..
/Johanna
Some football, and Matilda...
Oh well I was gonna write about something but somehow I forgot it when word opened, oh well that is so me. So I will write about something else, let me speak about football.
Yesterday I watched the Spanish super cup aka, el classico as it was Real Madrid – Barcelona, I have to say it is always fun to watch that game with my uncle as he likes Barcelona, and Michael that didn’t support anyone of them, and me ofcourse I had to cheer on Real Madrid, as I like Cristiano Ronaldo, Iker and Pepe that did the best thing yesterday, well I should probably say that he should have got one red card for that, anyway the reason I don’t cheer on Barcelona is simple I don’t like Messi, but I do like Xavi, Iniesta, and their goalie. Anyway I will tell you how it sounded yesterday in my parents place…
Real scored.. Uncle : NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, Damn Turkish player not even German
Me: YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEES, I know they have stolen more players
Mike: They have stolen two from Poland, One from Turkey and One from Brazil
Uncle: yeah that is right
Mike: They aren’t even German players in the end
Me: hmm well if we think like that we’ve Ibra, Larsson, Lucic, Bajrami, Dahlin that isn’t real Swedish
Uncle: they have Swedish dad or mum
Mike: we have Heskey he is from Jamaica or something like that. Well parents ofcourse
Me and my uncle: yeah
Barca Scored: ME: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO FUCK YOOOOOOOOOOOOOU David Villa
Uncle: YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEES Villa
Me: He is a good player at least don’t mind him score, as long as Messi don’t score
Barca scores again Messi
Uncle: He always score in a game,
Me: I know Hate him, Totally hate him in a bad mood voice
Mike: that was a good thing, I don’t want Real to win, or Barca, I only care about Liverpool
Real scored : Me YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEES
Uncle : NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Well the thing is we always cheer on different teams as it is more fun to be like that.
It was so fun as during the day Manchester united played against West Brom and they won it 2-1 we saw the 1-1 and Michael was happy my mum was pretty much in a bad mood as she loves united, anyway we told my dad about the 1-1 as it was it in the half time and he says like this… THEY SHOULD WIN AS THEY PLAY AGAINST A SHITTY TEAM honest to god he would say the same if it was Arsenal, Chelsea or Liverpool that plays against a shitty team as he said..
Then he went to see the score what the game ended, as he knows Michael don’t like United he came out like a kid happy and said YES YES YES YES united won, he don’t know so much English so he said it in Swedish like, to me the other team got a own goal and I told Mike about it and he says it is always like that…
Then he started to talk about 60’s that United was good than, Liverpool in the 70’s and 80’s then united in the 90’s then he said that Liverpool has won the Man united games more than united has won in the last ten years…
Well I feel sorry for Mike as Matilda bugged him so much, like MIKEEEEEEEEEE COME NOW, MIKE I WANT TO PLAY MIKE MIKE MIKE, poor dude not able to speak Swedish and Matilda is just always speaking in Swedish, as Mike was like help me what is she is she on about. Well we walked in the forest a bit to see a painting on a rock that is from the Vikings time I think, anyway Matilda bugged us to go with us then in the end we had to carry her home, JEZ she is heavy, anyway she saw frogs and talked about them to Mike lots, well to be fair I was not alive when it came to playing as she was just on about Michael. I think she liked him lots as she just wanted him to play with Dolls, lego and other things… She even woke us up like 9 am to play with Michael and she wanted to wake us up 8 thank god she never did that..
/Johanna
Yesterday I watched the Spanish super cup aka, el classico as it was Real Madrid – Barcelona, I have to say it is always fun to watch that game with my uncle as he likes Barcelona, and Michael that didn’t support anyone of them, and me ofcourse I had to cheer on Real Madrid, as I like Cristiano Ronaldo, Iker and Pepe that did the best thing yesterday, well I should probably say that he should have got one red card for that, anyway the reason I don’t cheer on Barcelona is simple I don’t like Messi, but I do like Xavi, Iniesta, and their goalie. Anyway I will tell you how it sounded yesterday in my parents place…
Real scored.. Uncle : NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, Damn Turkish player not even German
Me: YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEES, I know they have stolen more players
Mike: They have stolen two from Poland, One from Turkey and One from Brazil
Uncle: yeah that is right
Mike: They aren’t even German players in the end
Me: hmm well if we think like that we’ve Ibra, Larsson, Lucic, Bajrami, Dahlin that isn’t real Swedish
Uncle: they have Swedish dad or mum
Mike: we have Heskey he is from Jamaica or something like that. Well parents ofcourse
Me and my uncle: yeah
Barca Scored: ME: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO FUCK YOOOOOOOOOOOOOU David Villa
Uncle: YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEES Villa
Me: He is a good player at least don’t mind him score, as long as Messi don’t score
Barca scores again Messi
Uncle: He always score in a game,
Me: I know Hate him, Totally hate him in a bad mood voice
Mike: that was a good thing, I don’t want Real to win, or Barca, I only care about Liverpool
Real scored : Me YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEES
Uncle : NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Well the thing is we always cheer on different teams as it is more fun to be like that.
It was so fun as during the day Manchester united played against West Brom and they won it 2-1 we saw the 1-1 and Michael was happy my mum was pretty much in a bad mood as she loves united, anyway we told my dad about the 1-1 as it was it in the half time and he says like this… THEY SHOULD WIN AS THEY PLAY AGAINST A SHITTY TEAM honest to god he would say the same if it was Arsenal, Chelsea or Liverpool that plays against a shitty team as he said..
Then he went to see the score what the game ended, as he knows Michael don’t like United he came out like a kid happy and said YES YES YES YES united won, he don’t know so much English so he said it in Swedish like, to me the other team got a own goal and I told Mike about it and he says it is always like that…
Then he started to talk about 60’s that United was good than, Liverpool in the 70’s and 80’s then united in the 90’s then he said that Liverpool has won the Man united games more than united has won in the last ten years…
Well I feel sorry for Mike as Matilda bugged him so much, like MIKEEEEEEEEEE COME NOW, MIKE I WANT TO PLAY MIKE MIKE MIKE, poor dude not able to speak Swedish and Matilda is just always speaking in Swedish, as Mike was like help me what is she is she on about. Well we walked in the forest a bit to see a painting on a rock that is from the Vikings time I think, anyway Matilda bugged us to go with us then in the end we had to carry her home, JEZ she is heavy, anyway she saw frogs and talked about them to Mike lots, well to be fair I was not alive when it came to playing as she was just on about Michael. I think she liked him lots as she just wanted him to play with Dolls, lego and other things… She even woke us up like 9 am to play with Michael and she wanted to wake us up 8 thank god she never did that..
/Johanna
Thursday 4 August 2011
Just some shite really
What can you do when you feel broken inside because you really just want to be the person you know you aren’t I want to be the person that always makes the right thing, and never make a mistake, but what would that make me? A person that don’t learn anything because we all learn from the mistakes we do.
When I look in my yearbook I don’t feel that I am in the right place I feel wrong. No one liked me no one was my true friend, I know that today as they don’t even bother to say hello when we walk on the street, Even how much they hated me that doesn’t hurt as much as other things.
my mates that I have now tells me that I have become a girly girl I don’t know if I really have become that person that they say as I just don’t care about how I look, I just take what is closest to the hand so sometimes I have broken clothes on me, sometimes I have a dress
This blog post I am writing while I am having closed eyes and listen to music so you have to excuse me for it being as messy as it is the feeling the songs give me.
When we get born is the day our death day writes in the stars, and our time on earth is counted. I was at my grandmother in Finland and she doesn’t want to live anymore she thinks she has done her things here on earth.
Honest we try to change as a person always but do we change to the better? I think we change to the worse as kids we were innocent but as time went on we stopped being innocent and become who we are today.
All I want to do is to is on a dark place and look up to the stars and just think how beautiful it is to see them, and walk there and be peacefully happy.
Time is something I don’t have enough of. I wish I could cut myself to many pieces so I get the time to do all the things I want, I want to do so many things but I don’t seem to have the time to do them and that is the worst thing.
This song that I have on now reminds me of a wedding I was on as they had this song as a wedding dance, fives until the time is through, I will always remember my friend’s smile that she had on her bug day, and I will always remember how she reacted when she lost her kid. It was her happiest year and the worst as she says her self.
Now I have on chris brown that leads me to all the food memories I have with my little sister that I love more than anything, but the thing she don’t know that as I never tell her that. I remember how we played with our dolls and she made me do it for hours as she didn’t have so many friends herself, and for some weeks ago I found a old school book of my well where I have write things and she had wrote in the book, “I have the best sister in the world, she is so smart and I look up to her, because I am so stupid”
My sister is not stupid far from it, but we don’t tend to tell each other how we feel, and that scares me to death that I can’t tell to the person I truly love that I love him, as I have hard to talk about feeling, but somehow I will win over my fears.
Now to the song that my parents and my other family always tease me about the final countdown with Europe, I actually sat and listen to this song for eight hours every day for weeks over and over as I loved it, poor mum and dad, on repeat always. But this is the first song I have learned to sing funny enough it wasn’t a children song it was a rock song from the 80’s and this I blame my sweet loving uncle for as he liked them and made me nuts about them too.
Oh I wish I could turn back the time to the last summer I had with my grandpa, I was there all summer and I miss him so much, I was in his home this summer for nearly two weeks, and I saw photos of him everywhere, everyone seems to have forgot him and don’t miss him so much as me, and it doesn’t help when you realize that your own grandmother doesn’t like you (mums side) trust me I got bullied there by her. She has photos of everyone else in the family but not me, she has put them in the closet somewhere hide them, how can my nan be so mean to me? All I know is that I will never go up there anymore time, I don’t want to be there and miss my grandpa so much as I did, and then be hated from the other one, she even said my other nan isn’t important, and she is as important and her.
Why in hell has everything in my life been so hard? I tend to lose people I care the most about and love the most, then those that hates me stays here on earth and bug me more than anything?
Sometimes I wish that I wasn’t me, just be someone else and don’t have as bad baggage as I have.
When I look in my yearbook I don’t feel that I am in the right place I feel wrong. No one liked me no one was my true friend, I know that today as they don’t even bother to say hello when we walk on the street, Even how much they hated me that doesn’t hurt as much as other things.
my mates that I have now tells me that I have become a girly girl I don’t know if I really have become that person that they say as I just don’t care about how I look, I just take what is closest to the hand so sometimes I have broken clothes on me, sometimes I have a dress
This blog post I am writing while I am having closed eyes and listen to music so you have to excuse me for it being as messy as it is the feeling the songs give me.
When we get born is the day our death day writes in the stars, and our time on earth is counted. I was at my grandmother in Finland and she doesn’t want to live anymore she thinks she has done her things here on earth.
Honest we try to change as a person always but do we change to the better? I think we change to the worse as kids we were innocent but as time went on we stopped being innocent and become who we are today.
All I want to do is to is on a dark place and look up to the stars and just think how beautiful it is to see them, and walk there and be peacefully happy.
Time is something I don’t have enough of. I wish I could cut myself to many pieces so I get the time to do all the things I want, I want to do so many things but I don’t seem to have the time to do them and that is the worst thing.
This song that I have on now reminds me of a wedding I was on as they had this song as a wedding dance, fives until the time is through, I will always remember my friend’s smile that she had on her bug day, and I will always remember how she reacted when she lost her kid. It was her happiest year and the worst as she says her self.
Now I have on chris brown that leads me to all the food memories I have with my little sister that I love more than anything, but the thing she don’t know that as I never tell her that. I remember how we played with our dolls and she made me do it for hours as she didn’t have so many friends herself, and for some weeks ago I found a old school book of my well where I have write things and she had wrote in the book, “I have the best sister in the world, she is so smart and I look up to her, because I am so stupid”
My sister is not stupid far from it, but we don’t tend to tell each other how we feel, and that scares me to death that I can’t tell to the person I truly love that I love him, as I have hard to talk about feeling, but somehow I will win over my fears.
Now to the song that my parents and my other family always tease me about the final countdown with Europe, I actually sat and listen to this song for eight hours every day for weeks over and over as I loved it, poor mum and dad, on repeat always. But this is the first song I have learned to sing funny enough it wasn’t a children song it was a rock song from the 80’s and this I blame my sweet loving uncle for as he liked them and made me nuts about them too.
Oh I wish I could turn back the time to the last summer I had with my grandpa, I was there all summer and I miss him so much, I was in his home this summer for nearly two weeks, and I saw photos of him everywhere, everyone seems to have forgot him and don’t miss him so much as me, and it doesn’t help when you realize that your own grandmother doesn’t like you (mums side) trust me I got bullied there by her. She has photos of everyone else in the family but not me, she has put them in the closet somewhere hide them, how can my nan be so mean to me? All I know is that I will never go up there anymore time, I don’t want to be there and miss my grandpa so much as I did, and then be hated from the other one, she even said my other nan isn’t important, and she is as important and her.
Why in hell has everything in my life been so hard? I tend to lose people I care the most about and love the most, then those that hates me stays here on earth and bug me more than anything?
Sometimes I wish that I wasn’t me, just be someone else and don’t have as bad baggage as I have.
Wednesday 3 August 2011
one year
One year really go so fast :D when I think about it, it goes to fast :D
So what has happen in one year, I have been abroad three times, if you count Finland :P and England :)
I am happy that I have met some people this year, I have had so much fun.
I have learned what a relationship is about, and that person that has taught me is Michael, I don't know where he has learned it, but he is a wise person.
I know that as I always ask him things, and he has always the best solution on things, and he is the strongest person here around, That I have learned in one year.
I have felt how is is to miss someone you love more than anything, I have felt to be with the right one how it feels to be loved when everyone hates you, I have felt so many feelings this year but everything has almost been happy things.
I have heard so many funny things this year, so many sad things, cried because I have realized things that i haven't thought about in years. But this year has been the best in my life so far and it has been the worse for someone else!
But I know that I am so happy today, so complete inside I feel stronger than ever!
- Jo
So what has happen in one year, I have been abroad three times, if you count Finland :P and England :)
I am happy that I have met some people this year, I have had so much fun.
I have learned what a relationship is about, and that person that has taught me is Michael, I don't know where he has learned it, but he is a wise person.
I know that as I always ask him things, and he has always the best solution on things, and he is the strongest person here around, That I have learned in one year.
I have felt how is is to miss someone you love more than anything, I have felt to be with the right one how it feels to be loved when everyone hates you, I have felt so many feelings this year but everything has almost been happy things.
I have heard so many funny things this year, so many sad things, cried because I have realized things that i haven't thought about in years. But this year has been the best in my life so far and it has been the worse for someone else!
But I know that I am so happy today, so complete inside I feel stronger than ever!
- Jo
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