Stop reminding me!

The thing is that nothing seems to be right at the moment. I can’t say that I should trust in some of those I trust in as it seems like they have been lying to me a long time, and still really do lie about things. I wish I really don’t know what I know, and stop thinking about things I really don’t want to think about.

The thing is that I almost started to cry today, yeah I don’t cry so much, because I realise that things are fucked up and if I am probably the only person that feels that things are just fucked up. I know one thing I live in the present and future, so why the hell do people want to remind me of the past?

I really just wish people would stop reminding me of the past, as it is the past, I have had lots of things in the past I really don’t want to remember but I do remember them, but they have made me to who I am today. Really people should learn to not stick their noses in other people’s business I really don’t know what more I can say about that.

I am happy today, I want to be happy forever, the people that reminds me of those horrible things that has happen can be anything really should think about themselves and really think would I want people to remind me of my heartbreaks, my bulling, my bad moments things like that. I mean come on if I am happy you don’t have to start a silly rumor that I say things that I haven’t said, or that I care about the past because I really don’t care about it, everyone has a past, and a baggage, so for the last time DON’T REMIND ME OF THE PAST! 

Next week it is Christmas and really I am looking forward to that, more than anything and I will keep my happy mood forever, smile and be who I am, I am Johanna I am happy, clumbsy and I do tell what I feel and think, and I stand for it.

So here is my short blog today, and I am wishing everyone that reads this post a Happy Christmas, and a happy new year, as I don’t know if I will be here and blog before those holidays.

-Jo

unhappy love I guess

Today I will talk about unhappy love I guess, but more or less I will talk about how girls can become when they are in love with someone, I really have never figure out how boys and girls can be so different in that.

Well the thing is that girls tend to start to write the boys name on papers, trust me I am not better myself. I wrote nick carter in so many things that I am ashamed when I think back on that. I am happy I never have done that with a real boy that would have freaked me out to much really. But I remember my mate she wrote the boys name, all over the papers, and her name with his last name, but I don’t think he never liked her, and that was the biggest problem in her world. How she would get him to like her.

I know we girls gets a bit annoying when we get in love and the boy don’t like us, as we speak 99 % of the time about him, how much we like him and everything. But when we talk to girls about it they don’t care as much as a boy do they just say right out shut up now please, talk about something else. Really we can’t speak about anything else, as that is what goes in our head, what he are doing, who he is talking to, do he like me, things like that.

I mean I know we girls gets nuts when we are in love but the thing is we are so much easier to get out if we are in love if you ask your mates that is lads, they just say, whatever, who cares about love. I mean do they get as love as we do, get unhappy in love. I think they do that but they are too proud to tell their girl mates that they are in love, as they might be as I am. I try my best to figure out if the other person likes them, I mean I do it with girls too, so let’s say that Max likes Nicole, I would try to find out who Nicole likes, I should probably stop with that as they always want to kill me in the end.

So what more can I say, about girls, oh we have those that actually think that their crush loves them and they start to freak out on everything, even a single wrong step the lad does and she would be acting like the jealous bitch as we tend to become. Well the thing that we get jealous as we are unsure about the feelings he feels for us, but mostly because we girls never think we are the hottest ones, we tend to think we are always more uglier than we are. I mean I can look at other girls and think she is much nice looking then I am, but then I always remember what I do like about myself and start feeling better.

Well why do we think so low about ourselves that we get so jealous, and all that, because the lads never gives the reason for us to feel completely safe in his arms, the trust and everything like that. The other reason can be that the lad has been cheating with you on his last girlfriend, we tend to think that the lad can do it to us too if he has done it before.

Well then we have those girls that want the bad boy and they never want to see the good lads, that this world has to offer, I mean one of my friends always tends to find boys that makes her feel like she is the lowing creature in this world, they tell her how fat she is, trust me when I say this she is not fat at all. They tell her you can’t be friend with that person, or that, they try to get her away from her family. They hit her, they make her feel like she is not attractive I know people think we should tell her all that and we have done that but she just say I love him.

I do envy one of my mates, she has never given up about love and she has been hurt so many times, and still she always fall in love as soon as someone is nice to her, and she have had lots of boyfriends but she always says to me if you don’t try how would you know if he truly loves you. She has a good point there, but I am happy I have Michael and that I was brave enough to tell him the biggest words in my whole life I love you Michael, I was really lucky that he felt the same and I am so happy today, and yeah I was thinking of my mate how many times she has got hurt, and how brave she is.

Sometimes you have to fall to rise again.. 

-Jo

Friends, that lies..

Well this blog post will be about people that lie too much, well almost everything they say is a lie.  But where should I start, it is so hard to start a post…

Well let me start with this than, why would you lie to a mate and say one thing than it proves it has been a lie all along? Really so nice that you think that a lie never comes up to eat you again, well more or less comes back to you.

So I know some of my mates say they hate a person and in the end they are and have been a friend of that person all along. So what can I say about that really a lot, you think you are smarter than some others but in the end you are fooling yourself. I mean so much bullshite you have been saying about the persons, it is funny how false you are, as now I know how much bullshite you have been talking about me to them.

Come on how stupid do you think I am? I know you have been saying that I am annoying as hell, and you don’t want to be my mate, that you don’t like me and I should get that. Oh well Karma do you think people will like you when you say the right words? I am sick of people going behind my back for the last time they will do that. If you have been talking shite about me, even a little bit and I find out about it you are out of my life, no more chances! All I want is honesty and if you have decided to go behind my back even once it will come back and haunt you, you will lose me as a friend, doesn’t matter who you are.

All I need is to get people that actually speaks the truth, and can stand for what they have been saying about me. But wait that is too much to ask for, I know! But it is my rule now! Are you lying you are out, bye bye.

Well there can be some white lies they are different as they are mostly about that you look good when you don’t. Things like that I can forgive, but nothing else.

Well the thing is if you tell others what I have been telling you I will out you personally on my blog for everyone to say, I am sick that people goes and tells things you might have been telling them, honestly we are adults and adults should be able to speak about things without them going out to the rest of the world.

What more can I say is there anyone that is a good friend yes there is, they are those that tells you those things that hurts even if you don’t want to hear them. Those that are there even when you are down, and sad, but also those that stay with you no matter what, and don’t talk trash about you as a person.

So everyone think about this, if you have been talking trash about me you are not a real friend, and why should I have you in my life? People can change I know but honestly why did you speak badly about me in the first place? Then if you speak the truth if I ask anything it will not harm you as much if I find out it in other ways, just telling.

Now that was all for this post.

-Jo

Those dudes that are morons..

Today I am actually going to talk about guys and trust me when you have read this post you will think all lads are scumbags but I will tell you that there are some that are so wonderful and really do respect girls, and the person behind the woman.

Well I don’t know why so many guys really hit on me as I am not the best looking person, well I am not ugly but I am not sexy either. Well the thing is that most boys do think with their third leg, and they don’t care that they hurt the girl. All they think about is themselves and they really don’t know what love is about.

Well I mean come on how many haven’t heard the pickup line “You, Me, the bed now” I mean come on how many girls have gone with you on that line, probably some as you use it, but on me it will never work. The more I drink the more I start to hate the lads, I know that I would never really go with some random guy home even if I was really drunk as I get so damn mean when I drink.

Well now to those guys that have a girlfriend and cheats on their girl with some other girl, they just tell me what she doesn’t know about is not going to hurt her. Okay that is not true she will be hurt when she finds out the truth about you, she loves you and yet you are screwing around with others, come on do you think when you talk to girls that is pretty, no she dies a bit on the inside.

What is the thing I hate most with guys in general is that they think they are so damn hot honestly there is some that are hot but they would never really be that stupid to get those damn pickup lines as they know they look good and that girls are drooling over them, they are not the best thing either they are as bad as someone that isn’t that hot.

Well what I mean if you really don’t want someone to hit on you what can you do? I mean I do go in ugly clothes, really ugly and I don’t care about how I look on the day I go out without make up, not nice dressed and yet boys hit on me and flirt, all I ask is why do they do that? Is it because I am better looking than I think I am, or is it because they think I am easy?

I am not saying that girls are better than boys because some girls just go on the looks, how much money the lad has, and some are there to hurt the lad and just play them. But mostly there are boys that do all those things, I mean play a girl to the max.

How many of you haven’t had a boy telling you how good you are, how much he loves you just to crush you in the end, to tell you that he has a girlfriend, to say that he is in love with someone else, or the best thing ever why on earth did you think I loved you? HELLO you told me I love you, why the hell do you think a girl think you are in love with her when you aren’t because you told her those word.

Well the thing is that some boys says you can’t be online if you are in a relationship as you should know that they will hit on you and you are cheating on your boyfriend if you are online because other boys are looking at you, so hello do you mean I should be inside in the kitchen all day, if so forget that! Well I don’t know why some boys have that thought that you are cheating when you are online and have a facebook etc.

Well I should probably end this post that some lads are good, and those lads are hard to find, but when you have found him, never let him go because you will never find anyone that is as good as he is trust me on that.

-Jo

Mobile testing

I am sorry this one will be in swedish..

Jag älskar dig så otroligt mycket, känns som jag ska gå sönder för alla känslor slår gnistor inom mig. Jag vet att det inte alltid är lätt att förklara vad man känner och så. Men du är den människan som gör mig hel. När du säger mitt namn ler jag för jag vet att jag har hittat den rätte, ingen annan kan vara så otrolig som du är ingen kan få mig att må så bra som du. Jag älskar dig nu och för evigt och mitt hjärta har du och kommer alltid att ha.

din Johannao

christmas and New years eve :)

Today I will speak about Christmas and New Year’s Eve, for the first time ever I will spend it with my loved one Michael, really time is flying by when you start to think. Well this will be extra special for me as I will spend it with him, I know I will cook, and do things like that, but to be able to give him a kiss on Christmas Eve is just so good and nice. I feel so special this year, I wish I knew some things but I guess he keep quiet what he has bought me.

What do I wish for this year, I hope to get a vacuum cleaner (I know I will get this), Some furniture for the bed room, that I can have beside the bed. Some games to my x-box and Nintendo Wii, mostly the new Zelda game hoping to get it.  Then I wish to get some money or present cards to some clothes shops, or shoe shop as I bloody love shoes.

Well the thing is that Christmas is not to give things, it is to be with your loved ones, and you should be enjoying being with your family and closed ones. I love Christmas and I hope it will be some snow as it is so boring when it is green.  If it is not snow here, I wish there is some frost so it gets a bit white at least.

Well I hope that these three Christmas days will be the best of my life, I will enjoy being with family and being with Michael, and I feel sorry for Michael as my niece Matilda seems to like him so much. So he will be playing a lot with her, as that is all she want to do when Michael is there, Michael play with me, Michael come, Michael want to do this or that.

Well I want at least the Christmas day and Boxing Day to be in our flat; yeah I will say it is ours, Michael as you almost live here anyway. All I know is that we will not watch football even if he wants, as I want to be with him making a nice memory with him so I can have that always in my mind. To be honest this is the first Christmas that is so special for me, so all I want is to make this one perfect, and the next 70 Christmas to be as special as this one, but it is always the first that is the most special, and the last.

So then we come to new years eve what can I say about that really I want to wake up in the morning with  giving a romantic kiss to Michael (you can always dream).  Then I will take on my New Years Eve dress that is blue and nice, white knee socks and then make my hair nice.  Well what more do I want to do during the day, I want us to watch a movie, than we will make a nice dinner, with candles and everything. Then closer to midnight I want us to go out on the balcony sitting there watching out, and then when it gets midnight to get a nice slow kiss and wish Michael the best happy new year that I can do. 

Well I know there will be lots of surprises this Christmas, and I know for a fact that I will be so happy when all this Christmas is over and sad as I know Michael will go home to UK again and be there until July.  Of course we will see each other in the middle of January – July but when I really don’t know, well all I know is that this Christmas will be so special and so good. I really can’t wish for anything else than to have Michael beside me.

I really hope everyone will like what we have bought them and I hope Michael will love what I bought him, of course I would never tell here on the blog what I have bought them that will be my secret until Christmas.

Well I will end this blog now, as if I go on and on, I might not get what I wish for most of all.

-Johanna

2007-2011 well what I can remember...

So I have been writing a blog for some years now, but I decided to go from Swedish to English so some of my mates could get to know me, who I am and my thoughts.

Well today I will update what I have been talking about and also to tell what has happen and all that.

Well 2007 was a confusing year for me, well so was 2008 too when I think about it but 07 was a bad year as I learn so much about people and everything like that. I talked about Jonas quit a lot but the thing is that I never loved him; I thought I love him but the thing was that I never did love him. He was more like a mate when I think about it.

I invited a mate to write with me, those blogs was fun, to hear what they thought about me and my thoughts but mostly I got to see what they thought as much as I thought.

When I look back at 08 I was stuck on posting pictures about Fernando Torres and other football players, feeling ashamed when I think about that period, I was like a bad person really. Well what more can I say about this year, I worked, was in Spain. Well I blogged a lot about football players. Met Andreas this year and had lots of fun when I was with him.

2009 I started to change as a person I was not the same person, but I was pretending being the old Johanna, but the truth was that I was not the same person; I met Andreas more often as we became close friends and had lots of fun really

So what can I say about 2009 really I broke my leg, I started to grow as a person, started to think about love, the thing that actually scared me so much before, I slowly started to fall in love with a boy, and I am still with that boy today. Was a good year really when I think about it.

So then we come to 2010 that has been the best and the worst year in my totally life, so much pain, so much happiness. What more can I really say about this year. I learned in the hard way what love was about and how much you could get hurt. I found out that those you thought were your friends weren’t the people you thought they were.  My mates Jonas and Linus turned out to be the worst people in my life they tried to destroy that I was happy and in love they made me think I wasn’t worthy anyone as I was a bad person. I am ashamed I let them make me think that about myself.

The thing was that I learn that things was so much harder than they had to be, but more or less I hope that I never have to go through that again, ever again. All the backstabbing, all the talking, just because I was in love I think I actually survived all the bad things, as soon as I thought about him the special one I got to smile and everything seem to be so good, but the summer came and I really can’t but that out in words. Was a bad summer at first but then it slowly turned out to be the best summer in my life, really I let someone in completely in my life, started to show the real Johanna. I know people think they know who I am but they really have no clue. I fall out of the bed, I fall over the cats, I love to smile, I hate the heat thing like that.

Anyway then the year just ended really good, I really don’t know what more I can say it ended so good, and I was so happy I was home on new year’s eve talking to Andreas on the phone, was so nice we spoke about anything, and everything.

Well 2010 was the year I decided to write in English as people should see the real Johanna I was sick of all the rumors that was around me, I mean why would I have done those things that I heard. I was just a normal girl that was in love, honestly I was getting tired. The thing was that I wanted the truth to come out so I started to write in English and people could see me for who I am.

I started to kick out people from my life that I don't want in my life and that is the best choice I have ever done in my life.

So 2011 has been a good year, I have seen Michael, really figure out that he is the real one, the one I love, I feel so broken and alone when I am not there with him or him with me. Well the thing is that when I saw him that first time in Manchester I knew that I would be the happiest girl alive, I felt so shy but I knew I had to talk so I did, but I probably spoke really shy and quiet, as that is who I am as a person. But I love how I feel when I am with him, and how he makes me feel.

Summer was great was on a wedding his aunts, I was in Finland to see my nan’s and relatives and everything that comes with it. But then Michael finally came to me, here in Gothenburg, all I can say was that I was the happiest girl alive, I really can’t explain how I felt but it felt so good, to be with him to sleep beside him, to hug him whenever I wanted, and to feel all the love he gave me, trust me there have never been anyone that have shown so much love as he do and still do. When I look in to his eyes I just feel so loved.

So what more can I say October came and I could kiss and hug Michael again, that feels so good, and now it is December and I am waiting like a kid, for my birthday to come, love presents, and I wait for Christmas and new year’s eve as I will celebrate them with Michael here in Sweden, and it will be the best thing this year. I know he will love what I have bought him, and I know I will love everything he has to surprise me with.

Well 2012 will be the best year in my life I just know it, and I can’t wait for what is coming and will come.

-Jo 

Love, questions, shops...

Where can you go when you actually wonder about things, that are so embarrassing to ask your friends and family, I really don’t know, but I know I wonder about some stuff and how the hell can I get the answer to those questions.

I had a friend here today, and that mate has tried quit lot when it comes to sex and all that, so her you can ask anything and she answer everything so good. That is really good; she would never ever judge you in anyway. So If I have to ask anything about sex I would ask her.

The thing people always come to me for advice is kids, I really don’t get why they come to me as I don’t have kids myself. Oh well everyone knows that you need to have sex to get kids, easy to know that, oh one of my friends asked me why a guy comes inside you. Well that was really fun to explain for her.

The other things they ask me for advice is sex toys, why do you have foreplay, anything like that. All you can do is to answer them so good you can and tell them that you are there for them.

I have bought some sex toys (dildo) and honestly it is not that embarrassing to buy that, as it has been to buy handcuffs, as the person that worked at that shop asked me oh are you in to bondage, it ended up that I gave the money for the cuffs and ran out from the store. It is not that embarrassing to go to the sex shops it is actually fun, as you see so many things.

But now to the things, I can’t ask my mates about things, I had a friend here today, and I asked her how she feels for her boyfriend, and she explained it but when I told her how I feel for my boyfriend she said, Johanna you have found that one, don’t let him go away. I know that he is the one, but why haven’t my friends met the right one, so I can talk to them how I feel for once. All those things I actually feel. Like I am shy but in a good way, I get all warm inside when he looks at me, I feel complete. Darn, I really need friends that have the same feelings for their boyfriends as I have for mine. More or less so I can talk to them how I feel, the thing is that I am so happy I have waited for this moment in my life, all I can say about love is that it is really beautiful when it comes to you. Don’t be afraid for anything because you will feel a new feeling every single day.

I will end this blog with one thing that actually is true when it comes to love that Albert Einstein has said and yeah he is one of my big idols.

-Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love.

Xoxo Jo  

Friends.

The thing is that you always want a friend that you can relay on but are there friends that you can call in the middle of the night to say I need to talk, I need to go to you, something have happen.

I know that I don’t have so many close friends, that actually know me for who I am, really have heard my deepest thoughts, what I really like and all that, as I don’t trust in people I don’t let them in to close, they are not close friends they are just friends that I can talk to about other things but not private things.

Sometimes I feel like I am searching for the right words, to tell them how I feel, but the words never come out, I have learned to keep my mouth really shut as then I don’t get to trouble, I don’t get to hear that I am the person that have been telling this or that. I have tried my hardest to open up to my friends but they really don’t have a clue how hard it is just to say I need help, I need somebody to talk to. I really just need a hug so I can cry out everything that is on my chest. No I have learned to push away all the bad feelings, and never ever tell anybody how I really feel, well to my friends, as they always tend to tell everyone else how you feel.

I have two that isn’t my family that I can talk to about anything because I know they will not judge me for the thoughts I have, the things I feel. I mean they know when I feel bad even when I don’t tell them. They know how to make me smile. They make me think about better thoughts than the sad thoughts that I sometime have, and it will take a long time to just forget how great people I have meet in my life.  I mean those people I have met well most of them have been backstabbing bitches, and they still talk shite and if you tell them something in confidence they tell everyone else about it. So really they aren’t a friend.

If I tell people I feel unsure, jealous, sad, happy, tell them private things, why the hell can’t they keep quiet? Why should I be there for them when I know that they will never be there for me, when I need them? What if I need a shoulder to cry on? They will never be there for me, and honestly I just don’t have the energy to be there for them anymore. You all know who you are that I am talking about, some of you do read my blog, and how surprising is it that you all tend to say what I write on my blog, and still you get it wrong, really you are just saying what you want, I mean you don’t tell everything just some parts, as one friend did call me and asked me why I had talked shite about her, when I have never even named her in my blog.

The thing is that people never say the whole truth, I mean I can say one thing but when it comes back it has change to something complete different thing. When have I ever said I want a Volvo, I mean sorry to say this out loud but I would never ever want a Volvo, as I don’t like them, I like Saab more sorry. I know you all think I am full of lies and all that, but I know what I like and don’t like, and I don’t like Volvo.

The other thing that actually hits me now is how many of my friends have been here at my place I have lived here since 08 june, and there have been let me count them and yeah I know how many it is, and there is only 8 people that have been here more than one time, the thing is that it has only been , and there is only 8 people that have been here more than one time, the thing is that it has only been 15 so called friends here always.

Well than I have one that is my best mate, he has been here lots of times, and he brings me food when I am ill, yeah Andreas you are a true friend, but I am not that sure you keep quiet in the right places, Ha, no I really love that you are there when I need one friend, I know I can call you in the middle of the night to say I screwed everything up, and you would not get that angry, well you would get pissed as I wake you up but you would never say do never call me when you have fucked up things, so thank you for being there for me when I truly need someone.

Well people say that Michael isn’t a true friend, he really is a true mate, I know I can count on him whatever, I can tell him my darkest thoughts, everything really and he always make me see things in a different way. I mean I can be jealous and he tells me just the truth, without getting angry or anything. I know I can be a pain in the arse, really I can talk about things that never make a sense to anyone else, but for me they do make sense.  Thank you Michael for letting me talk about anything with you, and that you really never lose your own mind and tell me to shut the fuck up.

Now to the biggest part in my life that is that I really can’t talk about the girl things to lads, honestly they don’t see things as a girl do and I have notice that they just go whatever when you really are trying to explain how you feel, but they don’t understand, and they will never see it like me, I really should try to get a close girl mate where I can talk about anything and know that the person wouldn’t tell anyone else and really support me in things, I mean if I tell one thing to Andreas he always says in the lads perspective and so do Michael. Damn I really should try to let other people in to my life but it is so hard when everyone has stabbed you in the back more than once. 

I will end this blog post with a quote from Elbert Hubbard, A friend is one who knows you and loves you just the same. 

-Jo

Boyfriends, girlfriends, and some own point of views

Today I will write about relationships and how girls sees in cheating, how long they have had a relationship and things like that, I will not name any names, but people will know who they are as I have asked them privately.

Well to make you all know I have been asking 20 girls and 5 boys as they are not that important, as we girls are.

So the girls have had 1-12 boyfriends in their life and they are all from 18-30 years old. 

The thing is that the ones that have had more than one relationship answered how long their longest and shortest had been.

The shortest has been from 1 week to 6 months for some, and one even told me that the shortest one was probably as they never knew each other before they got together as she did with her longest.

Than the longest for the most have been over one year to three years, and here they have talked about the true first love and they miss him in some ways, but they are happy that they have broken up with him. Some of the girl have lost their virginity to them, and they where their first boyfriend ever and they

The thing is that some girls pointed out that the first love is the one you never will forget and there are different kinds of relationships.

Oh the other thing I asked them about was what they thought about cheating when the lad cheats on them.  Everyone here has been answering really different but most people think the guy cheats when he.

-      Kisses another girl

-      Flirts open with another girl

-      Talk to another girl in text messages, and mail, facebook inbox

-      Of course sex too.

Well now to the boys, well I have to say that I only asked five so this might not be so close to the truth.

Okay so they have had 1-22 girlfriends.

So that two here have only had one girlfriend, and they are still in that relationship and they have been together for 2 years with the girl well close to two years both.

The third have had 5 girlfriends everyone had been 1-3 months and he has always dumped them as he gets bored of them when they want to move in together with him.

Than to the last one he has had 22 girlfriends the longest one was for 5 years and the shortest one was for 4 months, and he has been cheating on every relationship he ever have been in, He have had sex with others always. He said girls are just to cook and to take care of the kids.

Well the boys really have the same opinion what cheating is.

-      When the girl kisses another boy

-      When they start to hang out more with a another boy

-      Flirty talks with other dudes, on inbox, text messengers and things like that

-      Sex with another person of course.

-       

So what can I see is the difference with boys and girls, in the relationship thing, it is that a girl actually really care for their first love way more than a guy do they always name him as the true love and there is no one that can be as good as he was.  Some guys are just bragging how many they have had sex with and all that, but the lads that was in a relationship was much serious than the girl that was in a relationship. As they are talking differently about their loves, some of the girls said they wish they can find another one that is better than that lad they are with today. But the lads never said anything like that. 

But with the cheating boys and girls thinks the same, many girls said that a kiss isn’t that much as cheating but flirting is, I really don’t see where they are looking. Because if my lad kiss another girl, that is cheating at least in my pretty eyes.

 The thing that with messages if I saw that my boyfriend write love things to another girl I would slap him blue and white and leave him, if he do something like that it means that he really don’t love me, and I am not enough for him, I know that some girls agreed with me on this part. They would be so mad at him, but then we have them that wouldn’t care as it is good for the relationship as they said.

Well I don’t know but the more I think about it the more we think the same girls and boys, well when it comes to love and cheating at least.

Well here are my answers: I have had one true boyfriend, I am still with him.

So my longest have been 2 years à still going strong

I think the guy cheats when he starts to look after another woman to flirt with, to talk with more than you even if it is a silly text messages that says I want you now xx or things like that, and a kiss, even sex is cheating. Well I would say that cheating is when he don’t respect your feelings, as you love him, and if he feels like he want to have someone else than he should leave you and let me find a better guy because I deserve it. 

-Jo

People never change..

Today I am realise that people never change, I mean you forgive them but they still make fun of you, laughing behind your back!


The thing is that you can forgive people but they still talk bad about you. You try your hardest to make an effort but do they care? no they don't they make you feel all bad. But who are you to make me feel that bad that you make me feel sad and lonely when I am not that.  


Okay I don't even know where to start, I try to do my best but people never change I have realised that now. Honestly I hope that I never make the wrong choices when I forgive people, but honestly I hope that you really get to feel how it is to be stabbed in the back twice, as I have been by you. 


Well some people are at least trying to change as I am, I love that I am trying to be a better person. I hope that everyone will respect me for who I am, I forgive people give them a new chance. Even when they don't deserve it, Michael always tells me that I am too good, too kind. I know that he is right, I really have thought about what he has been saying , and I know I have to make some changes in my life. 


Well people always make mistakes and the other thing is that I have to realise that people really never change and they will always hurt you as some people are just BITCHES!


There you go Georgie, is it good enough this time


-Jo

...

Today I will talk about something that actually bug me more and more while I think about it. 


People always think you are a bitch that destroys everything you take your hands on, friends, loved ones and even other things. 


The only thing I really don't understand is why people say I am that person, I do not destroy friends, and loved ones, and deffo not other things. 


Well let me start with one thing that I really don't destroy friends, those that says that are deluded I mean I do say up friendship because I don't want you in my life, or something like that. I do always tell the truth to my friends, and others that asks for it. So if you have any questions be free to ask them as I would answer them.  So why wouldn't I tell my mates that they have a ugly shirt or something like that. I even tell them to grow up when they act like a kid! I really don't like that at all, I mean we are all grown ups and we should act like that. 


Hello I mean I should be able to tell my friends when they are making a wrong decision, but they don't have to listen to me. But they do listen to me, but they never tend to think as I do in the thing, trust me I have warned my friends when their boyfriends have been cheating and told them, but all they say is you are lying, I told one don't get together with him, as he hits girl I can see that in him, but guess what she ended to be together with him and yeah he did hit her. 


Well why would I hurt those I love the most? that is one thing I really don't get why people think I would hurt them? I am always there for my sister, and my parents, my uncles and even my boyfriends, and his family if they need me. If anyone hurts those that are close to me, I would get really angry and trust me that is not a nice thing. As I would make sure your life suck big time! 


Now to the thing I don't steal from others as people have been telling that I steal boyfriends, and that I am cheating on my boyfriend.. This thing is that nothing of that is even true.  I talk with my bf all the time, I love him and trust me when I say that everyone else is shite when I think about him he is the one. 


I don't steal from anyone, because that is just wrong. Well I will tell you one thing, that is that you have to forgive people that you don't like and don't want to forgive as that is the right thing to do. The thing you do is that you take away the power from those people you forgive to hurt you again, and all over again. I don't make any sense I know but you would understand me if you where me. 


-Jo

Jealousy between girls and boys

Today I will write about jealousy in a different way, I will talk about different jealousy things I have seen, lately well with that I mean the last five years, because I have seen so different jealous in that time, and I want to share with you how my mates have been jealous, this will be both girls and boys of course

So what can I really start with, let me start with a girl mate of mine she was really jealous, and this type of jealousy is the worst for girls, I have to say, seen it with more than just her.  It was when the boy she liked started to speak to other girls, well they were you can say more than friends, but not together, well I really don’t know what they were. Well she started to ask that boy everything he did, everyone he talked to, she tried to control him to the point that everything was bad if he talked to other girls. Really the only thing that happens was that the boy kept talking with his friends and everything and slowly started to look for a new girl, as he didn’t want to have my mate as she was so jealous and he thought if we get together I will lose my best friends, as they are mostly girls. Because she was so damn jealous I know that the girl got mad and unsure as he talked to one person she hated, it was her worst period in her life she has told me afterwards, she drove away the person she claimed to love, because she was so jealous. Today she have a kid and are married to another person, but she still thinks of that boy she made to leave her to go to the girl she hated.

I have seen one or two boys get jealous but they don’t tend to go so often jealous, I really don’t know why they never get jealous seems like they can’t show how they become. Anyway this boy mate was one that was together with a girl, and she got a work and her work colleague that of course was a boy. She started to spend more time on work, and he got worried that she would fall for this new boy, so he started to visit her on the work to give flowers, and stuff like that, she never knew he was jealous as he never told her that, but he really told everyone else. The thing was that she invited the new colleague home to a party and my mate went mental that night, he really started to fight with his girlfriend, screaming that she has been cheating on him, and of course she hadn’t done that, but he didn’t know that, and that colleague was gay, so he didn’t even like her. The thing was that they dumped each other and started a new life, my friend went to therapy to work of his jealousy as he had towards other boys as he said, that was not that first time, and probably not the last one.

 My personal thoughts about this is that it is more girls that are jealous, and they tend to show it more open, they trash talk other people to get what they want, they start to play dirty, I really don’t know if lads do it like we do. But what worries me is that they boys never see when we girls start to do the dirty games, as they just feel loved, or horny, no idea really. Girls tend to try to control their boyfriends, they can also make so they fight and all that, just because she is so jealous over him talking to another girl. Boys I think can get jealous if they hear about old things that the girl have done and all that, same with the girls really.

The only time I have really felt jealousy was a time when one choose another girl over me, as I wasn’t that person that he wanted to share his love with, but he played me to think that I was the one he loved, but I wasn’t and of course I was jealous. When I think about it, I was jealous and all that but I pushed away what I felt to play dirty to get out the girl from the boys life, and I really got her out by showing a friend that played the boy as he had done with me, while I took photos of him kissing another girl while he was together with that girl he left me for, well just say that I lost really many friends with my dirty game, but mostly I was happy as she left him so I didn’t care in the end. I got my so called payback!

-Jo

Love, sad and happy moments :)

Love is something that makes you really happy but it can make you really sad too, I will explain it all later one in this post. I guess I will start with the sad part as it is always bad to end a post with sadness.

While I am listening to anywhere for you with Backstreet boys I will write this blog. I will start this post as simple as I can.

I am a girl that is in love; the thing is that I have never been truly in love before I met Michael. I really never thought love can feel as it does, honestly I feel totally torn apart every single time I have to leave him, I want to cry as I know how much I will miss him, miss talking to him, miss his hugs, miss the kisses, miss the bed time, trust me I really miss all those silly but so wonderful things.

Nothing feels good when I am without him, I feel like my heart is in two places, and I can’t do anything to make it whole again, it get whole again when I see Michael, and those moments, those seconds, minutes, hours, days, weeks, months, years I am with him, makes me feel so complete, like I have found the missing puzzle in my life.

The thing is that love is really the best thing that can happen to you as a person, you start to smile silly when you think about the person, you feel complete warm inside when you hear him say your name. But the best part is to just stand and look in to the person’s eyes and just frown in them, while that person is looking at you in the same way as you are looking at him.

Things that usually is easy to do or say, becomes hard and feels so new, I mean when you say I love you and hear that person say it back makes you heart skip a beat, when you see the person you love in pain you feel the pain yourself, but when you see that person you love smile all you want to do is to stop time and remember that smile that person has at that moment when he looks relax and so handsome.

The thing people tells me about love has been a lie, love is hard, really it is hard when you aren’t together when you can’t see the person as much as you want, it breaks your heart, but you wait for those moments when you finally can become whole again and that time, everything really stands still.  If you have been in love you really understand what I mean. You want to be with the person you love always and forever. Nothing else seems so important anymore, I mean I do care about stuff but the person I care most for is Michael, and how he feels.

The thing is that I remember one thing Michael told me once in the phone/skype when I was falling asleep, well I was probably half asleep already when he told it, it was in april 2010 I think, I remember every single word when I think about it. What he told me was: Johanna, you are the most beautiful woman in this world, I wish I could be there to hug you, sleep tight my princess, I love you and one day I will whisper those word in to your ears.

Well I don’t really know if he has said them because I tend to fall asleep like a baby when he is here with me, I sleep so good when he is close to me, I wake up with the biggest smile on my lips, Enjoying the mornings more than anything. The nice kisses I can give Michael to wake him up, yeah I am kinda mean I do wake him up in the morning, and he is so cute when he is about to wake up, my heart melts when I think about it, when I can put my lips on his and say good morning sweetheart, slept good with a cute smile, and he answer yep I slept good.

What more can I actually say about love one million more things I guess, no billion or trillions, because you always learn something new when it comes to love, and it changes you to the better person, and when you are feeling down, sad or lonely, just think about happy things you have done with your sweetheart, the love of your life and you will start to smile and feel all warm inside.

That was all for me today, hope you all have enjoyed to read this one, and I hope Michael haven’t read it..

-Jo

wedding, Engagement, love

Today I am going to talk about love, what is love for me, and what do I think about wedding and engagement. 


This year has been the best year in my life, as I have been taught what love is about, and everything what love is about. I really can say that I never knew what love was before I met Michael. 


Well what is love it is really when you think about someone else than yourself, you start to think what is better for the other person, and what is good for you, you want the other person to feel better than you feel. You want to make the person feel like that person is the only person in this world. 


When you hear that that person is sad, or down it kills you slowly inside because you feel like you cant make the person happy, and you feel like you are doing something wrong, but you are doing everything right, but the thing is that everyone has days when they feel down and so on. The thing you can do when the other person is feeling like that is to tell him/her how much they means to you, how much you miss them, how much you want them to feel like you. 


So do love change you? Yes it actually do change you as a human you learn so much about yourself that you never knew that you can feel that you can do for someone else. I really can't tell you that you will have the same feelings and how I have had. but the thing is that I have learn that you really stop caring about yourself as you did before you found the love. 


As a girl you tend to dream about the perfect wedding the perfect proposal but the thing is that there is no perfect thing, as it really will be perfect on the day. 


The thing I can tell about how I want to get the question "will you marry me?" anyway the thing is that I have always dreamed about it being on a beach, when it is sunset, and the guy have make me a nice picnic, then he ask me while the sun is going down, Johanna do you want to spend the rest of your life with me? Okay the thing is that I am deep deep down a romantic person I think, or I have read to many romantic books. 


So what is the other thing about the wedding, I really just want the people that I love and the people that he loves to be on the wedding as you are always celebrate the love between you two. a wedding is nothing else than a celebration about the love of two people, I don't know why people never think as I think, because wedding is something nice between two people. 


What well what can I say about the dream wedding I want to have, so the thing is that I want it to be in a church but I have always wanting it to be snow outside because it is so nice, I really can't tell why I have always wanted it to be in the winter.  Honestly today I would say that I would probably be changing a lot when I am planing the wedding as I would probably think about the cake, the dress, the food things like that. 


Anyway love is something that change you to the better person, and you really start to think in different ways, and you want everything to be perfect on your special day but it will be good in the end. 


So with this I will end, the blog post. 


Love is something wonderful, and when you've found it you will realise that you changes slowly to the better person that you can become. 


-Jo

Not telling the truth...

Today I will write about one thing that I really have been thinking about today, lying!


okay where is the line going, when is the lie becoming to big, when is it something you really don't care about the line. 


Now to the big thing, If someone lies to me about talking trash about me, I would never forgive them until they tell me why they did it. I mean that people are always doing things but they never think about the other person that it effects, I mean I know more or less who has been talking really bad about me, but those people haven't even have the guts to tell me that they have been talking bad about me. 


One person said I was the reason for making some leave facebook, but guess what he is still there and it was not my fault he left he left for some other reasons.  


I don't get some people says that you can't have what some call "cyber relationship" of course you can't really have it but it can be a start for a real relationship, than when some people realise they love each other. Than some people are trying to destroy that, I really don't get why people would do that. Okay the thing is that the lying just get worse, as they are trying to get you to look worse than they really are. 


Than we have the other things, we have those that lies about something to make you think they are something they really aren't but it is not that big. It can make you feel better in the end when you get to know the truth about it, as they come clean or feel like they can tell you the truth. 


I always want to know the truth even if it would hurt me really, but the truth is the best way in this life. If you build your relationships on a lie, are they really real?


-Jo

wedding

sometimes that just feels so damn strange to think about and yet I have been dreaming of it since I have been a kid, I know what I want and all that, but the thing is that there is someone else that might don't want as I want it.

how much should you back on your own thoughts and all that? I know mostly what I want but I also want the dude to tell me what he wants, but the thing is that it will be hard as I am so damn stubborn.

jeje well I know that I have to be nice and back in many things, but that is life :)

the truth about THAT time

Well today I will write about a post about one thing that is really close to me and my thoughts about it, I know there will be few that knows that I am talking about them and some will feel maybe I wasn’t one of them that got happy.

Let me see how I can start with this, it actually felt that more people were happy when Michael and I were not friends anymore. I don’t really get why people were happy when me and him weren’t friends, they all made sure to tell me what I missed on his page, to make me miss him even more, people probably wanted me to feel even more shite than I already did, or they never realise how hurt I really was.

How it felt to lose someone that you thought was your friend and it turned out that he wasn’t the person you thought he was. I felt like the biggest idiot alive, and people were so mean to me, really there was only one or two that never said anything about Michael to me, they tried their best to help me feel complete again, but I never felt it, I was alone and I felt so alone in the darkness I was in.

Hours felt like years, minutes like months, seconds like days, how did you think I felt when you all told me when he wrote I love you on someone else page, when I never could see it, and then you print screen it to me so I could see it.

But the thing is that I got stronger with this thing, Michael and I started slowly to talk again, without anyone knowing, I remember one thing I asked him, if a wall post was right and he told me, no that is not right, and those people that are telling you what I am doing are not nice to you, even if we wasn’t that close at that point, Michael always took care of me.

Put than when things got really serious between me and Michael, there was only some people that was happy about it, some people even told me that I would go to hell, and burn, and lose lots of friends because I apparently stole him from someone, honest I don’t care if you say that I stole him, I never stole him. He knew that I was in love with him, I never hide that from him, and he said that he always saw that I loved him, but I did my best to be happy for him.

All I can remember is that it was honestly just three people that were happy that me and him was together, and that was my little sister, she said I deserved to be happy for once, she had never seen me so happy and she would probably kill everyone if she knew how hard I had it that summer and that year because what you don’t know it is that the stress you all put me through by hating and making sure to destroy me was one of the reason I almost died.

The thing is that I always tell people that they don’t know how it is to be me. It is hard because I can’t handle too much stress, but you all made me stronger, so today I would survive anything thrown at me. Anyway, the thing is that my so called friends weren’t happy for me, when Michael and I got together I lost everyone it seems, well I never lost Katie, one girl from London, she was my biggest helping friend during that time, and Michael he was the true angel, because we did talk out about everything that had happen, so I know what people had said but then I told him everything I knew and had heard.

For once we actually cleared all the air and started on a fresh page, that was the reason we did fall for each other I think, well I know the true reason why Michael realised he loved me, it was because I will tell you all and with this happy memory I will end this post.

We cammed on msn, and I was looking after my parents house, and Chanel had kittens and I was showing him them. I had my sisters lap top so I could be in bed, bad choice when I think about it, I was so tired but I never told him that I was tired, I had a really nice pillow, a blue one, a good bed, and was so happy because it had been a good day. Anyway, we cammed for around 15 minutes and I was showing him things around the room I was in and then I put my head on the pillow and slowly I started to fall asleep and, without realising it, I was sleeping and the cam was still on, and I know that Michael watched me for some minutes while I was drooling on my lovely pillow, probably sleeping like an angel, but the thing was that the message he left me on that day in July at the end of the month was the sweetest messages I had ever seen in my life. He told me how I was the most beautiful princess that he ever had seen and I looked like an angel.

xoxo Johanna