What more can I say that some people really are stupid and I mean it completely stupid. 

So today in work we started to talk about contribution what your country pays to other countries, don't get me wrong I think we should give that but NOT as much as WE do today, as people in our own country have it hard, people can't get a work and all that, we have homeless here too anyway we were talking about this and one other person started to talk about human rights. 

Okay so far we all had the same thoughts and until this moron came in all he said about human rights was that you have to have a roof over your head, food on the table and clothes. Well he talked about swedish rights here only swedish rights. 

Okay I can buy that you should have that but if you look at the rights you have when you get allowance in sweden you should be able to go out and watch a movie on the pictures, and have a tv, pc and all that but you have to take it on pay off if you want a tv or anything else, and furniture's and all that. Anyway we had a huge talk about this trust me when I say this doesn't make a sense at all. I have been reading about human rights on university and when I said human rights is and will always be this" You are born free and you have the same rights as anyone else" (and I said it doesn't matter where you are born you have the same rights) The idiot said a person in Africa hasn't the same rights as we in Sweden have or anything. 

Than he said people that are homeless has done it themselves, I said not always and some other agreed with me, he said sometimes you get without job, and you don't get help and you lose everything, is it your fault? No its the government fault. Idiot person. 

Anyway the dude, said that you don't have right to a TV, you don't have right to a PC, and if you look at the standard in sweden everyone or most ones has a tv and a pc, so according to him I don't have a right to that, as he "pays tax" as I do,and still I don't need those things as I already have the human right things as he said. 

When I said it doesn't matter if I am poor or rich when I go to court as the law should look at us the same. He said I am wrong, how can I be wrong about that they should look at us the same way but the difference is that the person with more money can buy a better defend and the lawyer is the one that helps you when you go to court. No I was wrong there, apparently  rich people buy them selves free with the help of the lawyer and all that shite. I get so tired when people are so stupid. 

Humans right will always be that you are born free and have the same rights as everyone else doesn't matter where you are born in the world. 

But the thing that bugs me even more is that he said Finnish is the same as Swedish and it's a complete different language. Then when the other said Finnish people would lay on the floor for an Russian person, as we are as he said " red Russian lovers that loves the communist", Sorry I am Finnish I would NEVER do that for them, or anyone else.  Oh yeah the person that said Finland is called Finland just because Sweden said it would be called that, it's wrong too, we are called Suomi and nothing else! Get your facts right this is how it got it's name " First people who came to Finland, were called "finns". So therefore, Finland is the "land of finns". Don't ask how the finns got their names. Also, in Finland, Finlands name is Suomi. And that doesn't stand for anything. The whole name of Finland was actually made by others than finns.

No special title really...

So I am looking for a work, have been doing that for so long, but yet I don't get anything, so I apply for university and now I am waiting for the result if I came in or not. I don't have my hopes up though, just feels like I have bad luck when it comes to some things. 

When do you know it is the right time for some things, like starting a family and all that, you need a work for that, but what if I don't get a work the next 5 years I would old and would it be fun to start a family when you are around 33 years old ? 

So many things in my head.. why don't my head answer my questions?

hard things to talk about..

Why is it so hard to talk about your feelings? Why do you feel hurt by some things? Why can’t I just tell the truth about some things?

I am going to try to write down what I actually feel for once just for once it is so much easier to talk to this blog than to open my mouth and talk about it, I don’t know if I can talk about some certain things without getting sad or cry.

Those who knows me deeply should know that I am not the happy person that always smile, that doesn’t have a problem in the world, I am thinking so much about things I can’t talk about, I feel like nothing works as it should be working in my mind.

The thing that worries me the most is actually that I am feeling so good but still I can feel how my heart beats and when it beats wrong, and for the record it hurts like hell when it does that, I can’t open up myself to anyone about my heart not a single person knows how much I think about that, and how much it actually affect me in my daily life. 

I am afraid that my heart will stop beating in my sleep, or that it will beat to hard that it hurts and I will start to cry, I don’t like to cry when my heart is in pain, as it makes me feel un normal, not healthy but I am always ill, no one really knows how much of my mind actually think about it.

The heart issue I have is one of the common thing you can have, a hole in the heart, I am operated for it, but what has happen after my operation is that my heart is to big in some places, and my hole is still leaking even if I am operated, and that leads to how I feel today.  I am scared every single day but no one knows that, only me and that is something I really don’t like to talk about. I just can’t talk about my heart to anyone, I don’t want to worry others, as much as I can’t open to say what I feel about it.

When you like someone or love someone you can get hurt by so little things, I know that for a fact, I see it every day with my friends, and how I feel sometimes when I see some things I don’t want to see, but somehow sees them. Like when they say I love you to someone else, or when they start to tell you how hot another girl is, or that someone has better looking arse than you etc, I don’t get why you feel like that, but somehow you do, and I guess that makes you human.

When I think about it and think back on things I never got this hurt by the others I have liked, well when I think back I don’t think I never liked them fully, I know for a fact that I never have loved anyone as I love Michael, or has liked anyone the way I like him.  But the thing is when you start to like someone that much you tend to get hurt by the silly things ever.

Well I can only talk for myself and that is that I would never confess what makes me get a bit sad or what I get hurt by, as it is just silly things in the end. That makes you think about other bigger problems you have in life.

So why on earth is it so hard to talk about your deepest thoughts and what you feel, and why on earth is it only me that keeps that quiet about my problems, I just wish I would be able to talk about some of the things as I talk about them in my blog.  Trust me silence has a meaning and most of the times it is not the best thing, but sometimes it can be a good thing to be silent.

Silence is a true friend who never betrays. -Confucius 

Random things

Today I will write about things that I have learned in the couple of weeks.

First of all I want to point out that life in Sweden can always get better, the government we have right now doesn’t care about people at all. I know that for a fact.

So if you get a summer work and you have benefits I think it’s right to lose them while you have that summer work, but when you get off the summer work, you don’t get back the benefits that easy as you should live on the money on the salary you get during the summer and they count them to the living standard you have every month, so if you have a salary of £1000 for 4 weeks, and you work 8 weeks you get £2000 and you and you have a living standard of £500 a month (this numbers are just for showing what I mean) you have to save £1000 for two months and you can’t spend extra money on things you might need in your home? Why on earth wouldn’t the government be happy and support that you get a summer work, and then let you go back on benefits, because you have earned £2000 during the summer and might have bought things you need to your flat. I don’t get our government, they don’t care if you walk hungry.

Well that was probably the first thing I have learned during the summer, the other thing is that you have to be really happy everyday so you don’t get people to worry about you and how you feel, even if you don’t smile every single time of the day, doesn’t mean you are depressed, so stop asking me if I am that, as I am not that.  So what if I start to stare out in to the room? It only means I am thinking of something or even worse daydreaming oh yeah I tend to do that, and I don’t smile when I day dream, how many of you daydream?

Well I do tend to star out to the room, but that is just because I am thinking of what I can do to get rich, because in my mind I actually want to do something creative to get rich, I might start writing a book or something, but if I do that I actually have to think, It is hard to just write down something.

I have started to cook more home, I know I am probably the laziest person in the world when it comes to cooking, I hate it, I hate to cook, I hate to dish? So I don’t tend to do those things, but somehow I have started to bake more, and even cook, I did an awesome close enough to a big mac here home with Michael, and that was really tasty, and tomorrow I will bake cupcakes, well sometimes I tend to do things more than usually.

I am also pretty tired as my cat has been screaming for six days during night, she wants to get a male to well just say she thinks about having more kids, well all I want is for her to be quiet and somehow she don’t want to be that, I hope that she will stop screaming in this two days that will come.

How many people do actually listen to the other person they are living with? I mean I really don’t like to be moaning but somehow I know that people fight and argue more than they tell, and mostly it’s about silly things, I would love the other person to do the dishes without me telling can you do them, or take out the trash, or even do other things, but as well as I do the things without getting told or that, when you see that it’s too much do them or when you have done cooking and all that.  

So for my readers I actually want to know what you think is the most annoying thing when you are living with your partner?

Thanks for reading my blog next time I will write about something much funnier I hope.

-Johanna 

hmmm

I really don't get why I've so bad luck the year I actually do apply for my dream course there are like 5000 other that has done the same thing, oh well lets hope that I do come in on it..

Keep on dreaming, it might come true..

Erm.. no title

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Love

I really have been thinking what love is about, everyone says they know what love is about? But the question is do they know what it is? Yes everyone knows what love is, but it's different for everyone, every feeling is different for every person in this world, but the only thing I can say that we all can feel when we are in love is happiness, loads of happiness as the other person makes us complete in a different way than our friends does. 

I will tell you what I have been taught about love, what my feelings are, what my heart says and all that, all I want is for you all to remember that I am just a normal person that try to look in to things with different eyes, and see from the third part, well I am here to write now, hope you will enjoy thins post. 

So how will I start this post really maybe I shall begin with the past so you all can see the point that I've been taught, and what I have experience in my short life. 

Well I liked a boy there is the first difference I really should have known from the start, I liked a boy that was named Mikael, the thing was that I really knew that he didn't like me at all, he never looked at me at the same way as I was looking at him, all those dreams I had of him in school, I am actually so grateful I had them as they helped me to get through they day, as my high school days wasn't the best. Well the thing is that I can still be feeling really stupid I was as you all say it unhappy in love as we can name it, but the thing is when I think about it it really helped me to realise that I want someone that sees me, the real Johanna, the person that smiles to goofy things, the person that cries to sad movies, the person that actually do feel hurt when someone says mean things, I am human, not as most people think I am, can take anything and just smile. 

Well I did like this boy a long time, but he was the reason I know what love is about today, as I know what I was looking for in the other person, well it's true that you actually know when you have found the real one, and I will come to that later in this post. 

Somehow I met a boy called Jonas, that was a jerk right out he was the biggest jerk in this world, I did tell him I love him, but the thing is that he just said it back to get what he wanted from me, and honestly I did love him in a strange way, but not for the right reasons, I just wanted someone to be there with me. I wasn't feeling good with him, I have realise that later on, and to be honest when he told me what he has told me afterwards I am amazed we can be friends, after all that is how we started our thing, to be friends and to be friends is what we should be. 

Than somehow I met Michael, I got so confused, nothing made sense. The feelings I felt I had never felt, I tried to hide the feelings and trust me it didn't go well at all, but the thing is that Michael makes me feel so alive, in every single thing, he has taught me that it's not dangerous to hug people, to let people in to your life, and mostly when I am with him my world stops for just a second and I feel so happy. I know that when you feel like the world is stopping you actually have found the right one, the one that you were meant to be with for the rest of your life. It's not a competition to be in love or that, love is that you respect the other person, and to let the person do things, even if you don't like them, you should  support the person no matter what.  You can't tell the other person to be something who he isn't if you try to do that you are not truly in love with the person, as you are trying to change the person you falled in love with. 

The other thing that amazes me with love is that you can tell the other person what ever you want and that person doesn't judge you they tend to tell you that everything is going to be fine, and makes you see the positive thing in the bad things that happens to you during the day, and the other person is always trying to make you smile just a little bit because when you see the person you love smile you really just know that you have made your own day, as you see the person you love smile to the things you have done, it can be easy things that makes the other persons day. I know people say that you learn love from your parents and that is true because they are there to guide you through life, or they are meant to be there to teach you about things like love, respect, what is right and wrong etc. 

You have two kinds of love in your life, that first love is for your family, that is mum, dad, grandmother's, grandfather's, siblings, and even your aunts and uncles, then you have the other kind of love that makes you smile, that makes you shy even if you aren't shy, the person that makes you smile, the person that makes your world stop, and the person you want to start your own family with so you can teach your kids everything you have been taught. 

Love is not a easy thing, it is hard, but when you have find the love of your life never let that person go, there is no one else that can make you feel as that person makes you feel. 

-Jo

...

So today I will just write about things that actually I have learn about myself this last year, I have way to much time on my own, that is bad as I start to think loads, and when I think it's bad as I analyze things to the little term you can think. I would really just not be that much of a person that think like a mathematics, trust me if I had the solution on my own problem I would have done that ages ago, solve my own problem. 



What I mean is that I have seen people just starting to stop talking to me, I mean my friends, somehow they just don't want to be my mates anymore. As soon as I told them I have apply for university law, they all said bye to me, somehow they just say that it's wrong to become a lawyer, but that is what I really want to be come, I really want to become that, have been dreaming of that since I was 8 years old. I remember that they teacher asked us when I was in year 2 in school what do you want to become when you grow up, and I was not even doubting that I wanted to become a lawyer so hopefully I come in so I can achieve my biggest dream. 




I am tired that people see me as the stupid person, they never say I am good at anything, but mostly I am the person that always comes up with everyone's solutions, oh yeah I do see the solution in problems sometimes, but i rarely talk when I don't see the solution, and you of all know that if you have a problem you always come to me, as I tend to help you even if you are an idiot, but when my mates need me I am there to help them, but who is there for me when I need help? who can help me to shut down my own brain? 




People always say that I should do that or this, but I really don't want that, if I would have done what people want me to do, I would have lost myself so many years ago, and honestly I have almost lost myself once, and that is never going to happen again, I am stronger than to lose myself again. 




The thing that most of my mates think they know about me is that I am not scared of things, and honestly I am scared of more things than you ever will know, it's time to be the real Johanna that is more or less afraid of things, that will piss you off more than anything, So from now on I can't drink from the same glass if I have drank from it before, I don't share my sweets, my crisps, or my popcorn as I can die from the bacteria's you have, you might have HVI? who knows better to be safe than unsafe, I can't open doors, or touch anything outside, no I am past that all, and it took ages to take me down to just be a control freak when it comes to the bathroom, if you have a dirty bathroom I would never sit down and pee there, I would wait until I am home as I have always a clean toilet. 


Why is it wrong to like Maths, Physics, politics, and even laws? I know most people don't like that, but honestly I can calculate how much Money I need to have on my bank to survive for the rest of my life can you do that? I do like shopping, and I love shoes, but sometimes I buy shoes just to make myself happy, as it gives me happy emotions. 


Oh I have found a cheap gym I am actually thinking of starting to go back to old Johanna, the person that loved to train and run and swim, so honestly I am slowly finding back to my old self but a better version, I can talk about feelings now, and I am not that scared of things anymore, that I was when I was the old Johanna. 

Things I guess

I really don’t know how to write this as I feel so hurt because people has put their so called nice nose in some things, and now I really just have to tell everyone that will know who they are, as that is what this post is about, yeah you who really do hurt me and you probably don’t even realise that.

The first thing is you really can’t tell me if I have done the right or wrong choice you are my friends there for you should accept what I do, you can tell me that you think I have wrong but you can never tell me that I can do it or not, for fucks sake I have never been this angry as I am now, because how much you think you know what is best for me you don’t know that. I know that myself.

Then for the other thing, who gave you the right to say that I fake my feelings for my own fiancée, come on you really can’t fake those feelings, not those I have, I have one mate that actually says I glow when I start to speak about Michael I get so happy and so calm, and actually she has told me that, it is probably one of the best choices I have done, to let down the walls around my heart, as I have been a cold bitch, but honestly when you fall in love as I have done, it only grows, so I really don’t understand how some people can have told that I was faking my feelings for my boyfriend, that is just so strange as I show what I feel. If I hate you, honestly you would know that, and if I like you, you know that too, and you actually have to have met me to know if I do like you or not, otherwise you are clueless.

I have a thing that I actually do want my mates to do but they never do it anyway, as I know some of you do speak shite behind my back, why the hell can’t you stand for what you have been saying about me, I mean if you say that I am bitch that fakes my feelings, why not tell me that? No you have to talk to others about it! Honestly you don’t even know what a friend is as you do that, you say you are my friend and yet you do something like that, and if you think I am a whore, why not tell me, why is it so hard to tell me the truth about what you have said, You say I am retarded okay that is not even funny anymore, people should stand for what they say, I can tell you everyone how I feel for you and have done as I stand for what I have said and all that.

Then to the other thing that actually bothers me that is when I really needed a friend most turned their backs away from me, with all bullshit and not supporting me, when I was sad about one thing, one person actually told me that everyone else knew that he played with me, and that he never loved me, why the hell didn’t you tell me that from the begging you just played along in the sick game, oh wait what did happen in the end?  I really am so angry at people that they can’t stand for what they say or do, honestly I really don’t need you in my life, I am sick of you all trying to control me and all that.

Than the worst thing is when some of my mates says that my fiancée is bad for me, as things that has happen in the past, but honestly you really don’t know how complete I do feel when I am with him, I feel like my last piece of the puzzle has come to the right place, honestly if you think I would choose you over my fiancée you are stupid as I would choose the person that makes me happy, complete, and mostly feel calm, and makes me smile. There is your answer I really don’t care about you as much as I care for the person I truly love.

I can go on and on, but honestly who is a real friend? It’s someone that would cry with you when something bad has happen, someone that gets you up from the black hole you might be in, it’s someone that would help you no matter what you have done, even if you are wrong, and mostly a friend supports you no matter what.

-Jo

Sorry to some people

When you start to think back on things you have done you get ashamed of yourself I know I get that in some things, I really wish I can change them but honestly I can’t change them and I would never want to change them as they have made me to the person I am today.

I know that I should have said no to one guy instead of tricking him I wanted to go out on a date with him, he even brought flowers and was dressed up all I did was look at him from distance, I think I was a bit mean to him, I knew he liked me loads but I didn’t have the heart to say no to him.

Or when I started to flirt with my best friends brother, that is not a clever thing to do when you are in the age of 15, I mean come on what was I thinking there, oh well it is fun to see him today because I just think, how could I flirt with him.

Really don’t know why I have been so mean in the past to boys that has liked me, I was as you can say a player, I did make them do things for me as I wanted them but I never liked them I just used them, honestly the only boy I liked he really didn’t like me in the same way. I knew that, and there for I was mean to other boys and made sure they started to like me loads then they just got crushed as I thought it was fun, but they should have learned that I never told them if I liked them or not. Bu the worst thing is probably that I did turn many of them so they lost their friends as I put them against each other, for me it was just a game.

I am happy I have grown up, because today I would never change anything because today I am so happy with my fiancée and all those things I have done, is in the past, but as I know some of you read my blog I am sorry that I used you in my twisted games I had with you, and sorry I never told you that I never liked you in the same way, I know I should have told you that from the begging but it was fun to see you do what I wanted.

-       Jo

To try to forget your ex?

Today I will talk about those that never seem to come over their ex’, if your partner dumps you it is hard, everyone knows that, you get depressed and all that, but some people never seem to get over the thought that they got dumped. Well here is my own thoughts, my own stories that I have seen and heard about people trust me when I say it’s not easy to tell someone that they have to start listen to you and forget their love of their life as they say but it works, I know that.

So I have a girl mate that got dumped over a year ago, and yet she wants her ex back, he was unfaithful to her, with his new one and still she has a hard time to forget her love of her life as she says he is.  So what can I start all I know is that my mate was extremely sad when he dumped her, and she started to date other people in the beginning but the thing was that she always compared the new one to her ex that was a jerk to her, and still is a jerk when you see all fact, well she has nowhere close forget him, she still lives in a bubble that he will come back to her and they will live happily after. Because he has been with her when he had problem with the new one, and the new one hates her as she is his ex, but I don’t know what is worst is it that my mate still want him who cheats and everything, he is even engaged to the new one, but she thinks always that he will come back to her, and it has gone so far that she even want to tell the new one all about their love nights, and what they have done while those two have been together, because she think that will lead her ex back to her, but I have told her that she will lose him completely if she do that, he loves the new one and want to get married to her. Honestly everyone has told her that he is happy in love with the new one but she just can’t see that he is that, as she think he loves her, but she tends to forget that he dumped her for a new one, then he used her to get sex just because he knew she would be happy to have that, while he had problems with the new one.  It’s so frustrating that she can’t see that he doesn’t love her, and move on with her life, honestly it has gone over one year, but I guess everyone can’t forget a person that fast.

I mean all I can say is that I have been dumped and that hurts loads more than anyone can think of, it actually feels like someone takes out your heart and stamp on it and it breaks in to one billion pieces, and that the other person stands and laughing at you because they know how much pain you are in but you are trying to hide it, I know I have been there, my friends tends to forget that I have been dumped too I know how that feels but the big difference is probably that I get so angry when I get dumped, even if I feel sad and all that all I really want to do is to get to the person and break every single bone in his body as he has played with my feelings, but the thing is that it takes time to heal after you get dumped, I know that, I got healed and everything was pretty good until I realise that that the person didn’t love me and just played with me, but the thing was that I knew to forget the person I had to cut out everyone that reminded me of him, and honestly we all know how that went, honestly I was really bad when I start to think but the thing was that I was going on and started to live and somehow I grow as a person, even if I still today I get really sad and feel really like no one understand what I went through inside as I have a hard time to open myself even if I was with my mate the first time and all that. I have tried to talk to my mate about myself and all she says to me is that you can’t understand how it is as you got happy in the end, and that I should let her get back her ex.

What my mate doesn’t understand in my heart break is that I still today get really sad, because I know so many knew that I got my heart broken, and what I most of all I wanted was for no one to know but that was not possible, in my case, and the thing was that some people did everything to remind me that I was bad and all that, that I had ruined many people and didn’t let them be happy, I was the bad person, but I don’t think no one really understood how hurt I was, how I felt no one understood me, I really wished people just didn’t talk about him, and all that, but the worst was probably when one person said that he wrote sweet things to another girl and that he was so in love with her. Honestly I wish my mate would have been in my shoes because I decided to never get hurt again in that way the way I was, and honestly I would never want to go back to the person I was before the heart break as I did honestly grow so much. I have realise that it takes time to heal but you get stronger. I try to tell my mate that she should stop thinking of him, stop having him as a background on the phone and computer, and most of all why would she want to have someone that has hurt her as much as he has done?

It’s not easy to forget someone you love, but when you realise what he/she has done you are better off without them.

-Jo

Jealousy is an illness

Today I will write about jealousy, I mean come on if you are in a relationship you have to trust the other person otherwise you don’t have a relationship, the only thing you have is a dream you are looking for.

What I mean let’s say I am jealous now, and I am not that but anyway let us say that I would control everything Michael do and does every day it would take me at least three hours. I mean what do I have to do to make sure he isn’t cheating on me, let’s see I would have to go to every social community he has and of course I would demand him to tell me his password so I can go and sneak who he is talking to, and if he talks to other girls I would get like a freak asking the 100000000 questions about the girl.  Like who is she, why are you talking to her, why are you making kisses to her, why are you speaking to that person, you are cheating on me with that girl.

Then the next thing I control who he is mates with as I don’t want him to be friends with anyone that looks better than me, and we all know that he wouldn’t have any girls mates, and of course if he has ex’s he can’t have any contact with them as once he has had feelings for that person. 

So what more would I do I would control his phone look at who he has been talking to and who he has send text’s too, and everything else you can do on a mobile phone, but the worst thing I would make a huge “drama” when we are in parties because there are loads of girls there who he is talking to and looking at, and everything would be bad for him.

Now to my point if I would be like that it would take too much time of my life and I would never be able to live with myself I mean a relationship is all about trust and letting the other people do whatever he wants, and if you are jealous the other person will leave you as you would make him feel so bad that he realise that even how much he loves you he will have a better life without you in his life, and are you sure you want to take the consequences of him dumping you and tell everyone what a freak you are. I know that jealousy is an illness but I am damn happy I am not jealous, I can’t really give a fuck what he do as long as he comes to me every night and just give me a kiss and says, dream sweet dreams, night.

Honestly if I become that I hope he dumps me as fast as the lightning strikes as that is what I would do, well I would probably tell him to chill and tell him that I love him you have nothing to be jealous of, but if it continues I would dump him.  I can’t really understand how people that are in a relationship are so jealous; I mean you do have a life even if you are in a relationship. 

Okay I don’t like that my boyfriend speaks with his ex’s but I know he has dumped them and he doesn’t love them, and I am happy he can be friends with them, but I would never say you can’t be friends with them, that is just wrong, as it is wrong to control another human being, you can  tell them what you think and all that but it is up to the other person to do what he/she wants, and if you can’t handle it you have to think am I ready to be in a relationship with the person that wants to have an own life but have you in his/hers life.

I know I can talk about so many things, but next blog post will be about them who get dumped and still think her/his ex will come back to them, I mean why can’t they forget them?

If you are jealous please go to someone that knows about it and talk about it

-Jo

This is me

This is me, the real Johanna that some of you have seen the person that actually do have feelings that smiles to silly things, that cries to some things that you wouldn’t cry to, well I am here to remind you all if you who the real Johanna is.

So here is the truth of the complicate Johanna that doesn’t like to open up to people, that doesn’t trust in many people in this world, that misses some people more than anything but realise she will never get them back. Here is the truth about me and my feelings, my thoughts and everything, so if you haven’t heard it from me you have the false information.

So what can I say about myself really that you don’t really know about me probably a lot of things, I am not the nicest person ever, I am not perfect I am pretty mean when it comes to things. I wouldn’t borrow you money never mind, give you things when you really need them, never borrow out a game, movie or things like that, and if you get to touch my things you are lucky and if I share my crisps with you it only means I like you as a person. So the thing is that you pretty much think I am so nice to people not really I tend to tell you the truth even if it is painful and all that, I am not ashamed to tell you if I know that a person hates you, to your face done it many times, and to be honest that makes me feel so good too, just to tell you the damn truth.

Don’t come to me if you have fucked up, if you AREN’T family or a really close person to me, because I would never in hell help you because I would just tell you move on, because that is what you have to do really it is the only thing that makes everything easy. If you know you have done something wrong, why don’t you try to fix it in the end it’s only you who can do it.

So what more can I say I do cry to some things, and I have feel real pain, I am glad I have had my past when I think about it really has made me stronger and has made me realise that if you are backstabbing people they will just backstab you back, and to be honest I am so happy I have had Kim as my mate he was the person that taught me that if you are honest they can’t come to you and say that you have been lying,  because than you know that you have been telling the truth all along and the most important thing is that you stand for what you have been saying, I mean if I say that I don’t like one person to one and she tells that person that I don’t like him/her, I have to stand for that, otherwise I am just a backstabbing bitch in the end, and that is not what I want to be, or want to become.

Anyway those I care about know me like an open book they hear if I try to lie, they know when I am sad, when I am hurt, when I feel down, but they also feel love in my eyes, without me telling them every day I love you, because in my eyes you see a lot of things, and even how I speak and how I react to things. 

So when I say I am scared about things I am that, I am scared of letting people in my life as I know most of them really just don’t care about me as a human, all they want is to use me for things, like getting close to someone else, or something like that. I am scared of talking about myself as I am afraid people will think I am selfish and just feel sorry for myself. I rather speak about things that don’t make me think about myself, I am sick and tired of hearing about myself and things people has made up about me. Honestly if you really do think I am retarded, an idiot, mean, nice, whore etc why the hell not tell me instead of telling others and then deny the things when it comes up to the things? Do like me tell the truth and say yeah I think you are an idiot because you act like that, or something like that.

So the reason I help you and all that is because I am good at seeing what you should do, if you are heartbroken all I can tell you is that I know how that feels as I have been it myself and tell you it will go over but it will take time, and what more can I say about myself loads of things, but one thing is sure I am damn proud of myself, I never hide the truth about things, and if you ask me I would tell you what I think and all that. So if you are heartbroken MOVE ON, that is all I would say, because it is clearly that the boy doesn’t like you, and if you are getting used by other boys just move on because he is just USING you and you are the one that gets hurt, honestly I can tell you the truth but it hurts..

So if you want to know who the real Johanna is you have to have patience as I don’t trust in people, but when you are my friend I would help you no matter what.

-       Jo

the day that I realise that I need to start doing things in my life

Oh yeah I have really realised that I have to start thinking to the future I don't like to think to the future or the past for that matter as you should live in the present oh well anyway I have applied to the University in Gothenburg and hopefully I will get in, well that shouldn't really be a problem who wants to go to law school or Politics. Oh if I don't get in to them I will open my own business and earn money via that, or just become a mum? Oh well I can't really see myself as that not yet anyway as I want to do things before kids, as you will be stuck with them for at least 18 years, or not more!

So what do people really realise when they are close to 30 that you have waisted your life on things that really doesn't matter as money should not be a thing that matters, as it can only give you things you really want, and those things you can always buy new if your house burns down? So we live in a world that materials is the thing that matters most really, where it should be our own life and those people that we care about and their lives that we all live a long happy healthy life, that is what should matters for us but somehow I think all humans has forgot what life is about.

I can tell you what it is about today, as I see it everywhere it is about power, money and compliments for what they have done. I mean if we find the cure for cancer it will just come something else that will kill us humans, I mean we are over crowded in this planet, I do love that hospitals, and doctors are so good as they are today but honestly if I was born just 20 years earlier I would have been dead and gone without any troubles as we have today, somehow I think people where happier during the 40's 50's and 60's even if we had the world war II in those times, as that time people seem to not have any worries as we have today, will our work still be there in the morning, will the money be enough for this month, as our lovely government have fucked up our lovely country that used to be a good place to live.

Just look at United Kingdom of Great Britain I mean Margaret Thatcher she really did a good work with England during the 80's she really made every one suffer and honestly I don't know how the people in England can have David Cameron as their prime minister I mean he is even worse than Margaret Thatcher was, and honestly she is hard to beat, she made England as bad it is today, I mean London might be a good place to live in if you are rich and have loads of money so you don't have any problems to think about, but to live in the north parts where there is no works, and people are looking for a work and hope for a better life, they just don't think about the norths part, they only cares about London, where all the bankers live and all that, so if anyone I mean want England to become a good place to live in again, you can't choose the rich parties, that only want rich people to have it good, I mean come on what good things has Cameron done to England?

I can say the same about Sweden, we are not a good country to live in any more as they just want richer to become richer, and they don't want the working class to go to university they just want the rich kids to be able to go there, and to let the poor kids just be poor, I don't think there is any good country to live in today, but hopefully it will change soon enough to the better in Sweden, England, Denmark, Spain, Greece etc.

Well that was all for me today, I just keep moaning about things really as always...

-Jo

Lying people

Today I am going to talk about lying people, as I know there are loads of them, that is one thing I actually am proud of saying I don’t tend to lie I always say the truth, you can ask me anything as I do stand for what I have said, so why should I be sorry if I have said something that made you get hurt, because I do mean things when I say them. Everyone should actually stand for what they have said. The truth always comes out later or sooner.

So the thing is why would people lie when you ask them one thing I mean if I am asking you have you been trash talking me, and you have done it, why not just say yes because you are annoying sometimes, you are a bitch sometimes, or even something else reason you have for talking about me behind my back, but thanks to every trash talk I have had I can say I would be rich as hell, because I know more than you all know, well I tend to know what people have said about me, I am not that blond that I don’t know, and you know what is best you don’t have a clue that I know really.

So I asked one person if she has been talking bad about me, and she said no, trust me I even knew that person has been talking trash about me yet the person denied it, well if I said what that person said to her she would know that others has shown me thing that I wasn’t supposed to see, or never find out, but guess what birds do spell out things, If I trash talk about anyone I make sure the other person never know who I am talking about as I know birds are talking, and yeah I do talk bad about some people, but those people have always been talking bad about me.

Well the huge difference is that if the people would live close to me I would punch them NOONE calls me a whore, that person would get the hardest punch ever, and I know that people don’t think I can hit but that is one thing I am good at, the only good thing by being bullied you learn to hit and fight and I am damn proud of my fights I have had, I have broke someone’s nose bone, I have kicked another person so bad that she broke her leg and had to change school, but they have always started and I have just protected me, so If you have been trash talking me you should probably run as fast as you can if you see me, as I would punch you, more or less I would actually make sure you know what I feel about the things you have told about me and what you have done.

Come on why do people actually bother to talk about me in that way, I mean I have been a whore, even thought I don’t take money for sex, as that is bad, I have not stole any boyfriends as you can’t control anyone else feelings, and how the hell can some people actually have been bother to say I have faked my feelings for Michael, there is one thing I really don’t understand they have totally lied about me, and that makes me think are you so good mate with me that you know what I think as the only person that knows what I think is ME, and no one else. The others just know what I decide to share with them, and I never hide that I am totally in love with Michael I have never done that, I even did one of the hardest thing ever but in the end it was worth it as him and me are so much closer. What I mean all those lies people has been telling about me actually made me closer to some people and some people I am so far as hell from as I don’t trust in them at all, they are only pretending to be my friend to get out something, maybe to destroy something what it is I will never know. But I know one thing and that is that I am happy and there is no way in hell you can make me sad or angry of your damn lies.

So there is one thing I do ask from you who has talked bad about me and that is to confess as that is the best for everyone, I would not get angry at you actually I would get more angry if you say I haven’t talked bad about you and then I find out you have, as that is low not to stand for what you have said and all that.

-Jo

What I have seen...

Today I will talk about one thing that actually bothers me more than anything and that is how hard it is to be a woman, oh yeah every boy mate I have don’t really know how painful it is to be a woman, and yeah we woman do over think everything, that is the only thing I do admire boys mate with that is that they don’t tend to over think anything and what they say they tend to do, in some strange way they mostly stand for what they have said and all that, but girls we don’t do that.

Well the first thing that I don’t like when it comes to a being a woman is the week we all have, that makes you feel so sensitive to everything, the only time I really don’t want my boyfriend to be squeezing my boobs, or him to tell me how beautiful I am because this is the time I don’t think I am that, I feel so ill and all I want to do is to be in bed crying feeling sorry for myself, the thing I am talking about is period, all girls have it well that is a lie if you have anorexia it goes away, or when you are mega fat then you can’t get it, but most woman do have it, but how many do actually have so much pain that they can’t move, when their boobs are sensitive, or when you feel like a balloon, we all feel so worse when we have it.

The other thing that complete sucks to be a woman is that we have to give birth to a kid, well I know it’s a miracle, but when you actually do give birth you have loads of pains, and to think that a kid can come out there is actually just giving me illness thoughts, as I know my whole body will change, but the thing that amaze me is that we tend to forget about the pains we feel as a woman, I can’t even remember how painful it was to break my ankle, when I think closely I can’t remember a shite about that, but I know it did hurt a lot as I cried when I got the hold of my brother to tell him that my foot was broken, well I don’t think he even heard what I said when I tried to explain for him that my ankle was broken, well I am amazed that we humans forget pain so fast.

Than to the thing that I actually do admire is that boys are so easy if you want to know if you look good, and all that, you should ask a boy mate as they always tells you the truth, girls mate don’t tend to do that as they want other girls to look bad so they would look better. I have lied so many times to my mates about their clothes. But they have always told me that I have been dressed like a sloppy sport person, oh yeah I loved to walk in adidas, nike and puma pants when I was younger, and I still love that, I don’t care if I look ugly as long as I am comfy I am happy, I hate jeans and tight trousers I have never liked them, and I will never like them. I rather go in a skirt or shorts, when I think about it when I was in high school I had more or less punk clothes on me as they were so comfy but only in school when I came home I changed clothes and just went out to run or stuff like that.  Anyway now I am off this subject complete I feel well the boy mates are so easy to hang out with they never tell you a lie well they probably do when you feel absolutely down.

Well I liked a boy in high school, and all my girl mates told me that he liked me but the boys mates they was cruel I remember what they told me, Johanna he don’t like you if he did he would have asked you out, honestly it was the hardest year in my school thing for one year I was in love with a him, that boy that actually was a mate, that I did talked to and he did talk to me too, he always made me smile and all that, then I remember in December on my own birthday he decided to tell me one thing, that was that he liked one other girl and that he wanted my help to hook them up, and all I did was feel dead inside but I did help him as I liked him and wanted him happy and everyone thought I was stupid but in my mind I thought he would see that I was the right person for him, and he to want me, but no he never saw me in that way. I know his girlfriend didn’t like that we were friends as she knew that I liked him I think everyone knew it even him but I never got him was so hard really was the worst year in the school but I had a good year, was so damn fun even if I was madly unhappy inl love.

The irony in this story was when we went to college and I had finally forgot about him that crush that I had in high school, and we went to the same party like one year after he totally destroyed my birthday he actually told me that he had feelings for me but then it was me who said I  am sorry I was madly in love with you in high school but now I am having a new one in my life that makes me smile that way you made me smile and the best thing is that he likes me back, but we all know that me and that boy never had a real relationship it was the sickest thing in my whole life, being with him but he being with so many others, I guess he only liked me in some ways, but not enough to just want to be with me.

I know that girls tend to get jealous, boys don’t, it would be fun to see for one time that a boy can be that jealous bitch as girls tend to be, or that they get so doubtful that they have to show it for people; I have never seen a boy be like that.

Girl’s talk trash behind your back, do they ever stop with that really?  I am happy I had mates that mostly was boys as they taught me one good thing in my life and that was to be honest no matter what, tell your girls mate to go to hell if they hurt you with the bullshite, I wish I could go back to high school being with all my mates and just have so much fun.

  

- Johanna

just something

I have started to think about life in general, what is the purpose with life, is it to have all the new things, to pretend to be happy when you are miserable? Honestly people always think I don’t have any kind of problems at all but that is so far from the truth as you can come really. I only hope that things will get better soon and when they have started to become better I will start smiling more and stop hiding pretending that I am so happy because in the dark when I am alone I actually cry more than you know. I have so many things that go in my mind, that it is so surrealistic to be me right now.

So people really think I am so happy, I might have a new phone, live in a good area, and everything but I feel so far from the real Johanna as I can be, I do love live where I live, but I really don’t like living here not here in Sweden not anymore, I wish that I can get enough money so I can buy a house, and start a complete new life with Michael, that is pretty much the only good thing in my life at the moment, I really don’t care where I live as long as it’s not here in Sweden I will miss things that we have in our country like when it starts to become spring and everything starts to get alive again, when you hear the birds sings, and then those lovely summer days where you can sit on the balcony and just relax and enjoy the summer nights, see the sunset go down, well I do miss when the sun doesn’t go down at all as I had when I lived in north Sweden it was so nice in it’s own way. Then when it become to come autumn and all colors go to red and yellow, nothing beats a nice sunny autumn, well summer do beat that, but my favorite time of year is autumn when you can see all those red colors, and yellow, when you walk outside enjoying the day, the only thing that sucks is that it gets darker and darker, and then you have a long wait when winter comes, and you are always waiting for the snow to come to light up the days. Anyway that is pretty much what I would miss from Sweden if I move from the country, but honestly I think our government is a joke, they just do one thing and that is to destroy a country that once was good to live in.

So where can I get that much money that I can pack everything and just start all over in my own house, with four bedrooms, a living room, dining room, a big kitchen and two bathrooms, and most of all a nice easy taken care garden, than my life would be perfect, to be looking out from the house, and all you can see is ocean, and a nice field then you can enjoy life to max, I really just want to go away from people they always want something from you, even if you help them the most of them don’t help you when you want  to have help. I really know what I want to do, and that is to open a own business and I know what kind of business too, but if I tell people what kind of business it is people would copy me, and then I wouldn’t get any profit and that would be bad for me, why do this world depends so much on money? I really have been thinking about that, why should everything be so damn expensive, are we going back to the 30’s and 40’s where you did everything on your own farm? Where you have a horse, cows, chickens and lambs and everything else? The weird thing is that I would love that life where you have to work as a farmer, I wouldn’t care about the smell or anything I would actually feel so free, that is so strange, that I would feel so free, when I do take care of the animals, grown my own strawberries, potatoes, salad and everything else you can grow, deep down I love the country but I do want to live close to the city so I can do shopping sometimes, but I would survive without it too, as long as I am happy with those people I have around me, and all I can see right now is that I would be extremely happy in the country house with a huge farm, I feel sorry for the other people Iive around they never  really understand my plans, or is it because I never have time to explain what I actually want?

Well I will write down a business plan, for my own company and then just hope for the best that I become successful, I know that is a bad thing to hope for but you should never stop dreaming as the dream is what takes you longer in the further.

Someday I will get everything I have always dreamed of, and that is a happy life, and a house close to the ocean and have a nice view that I would be looking at every day and just smile, and feel this is life.

“All our dreams can come true, if we have the courage to pursue them.”  -Walt Disney

-Jo 

R.E.S.P.E.C.T

So today I think I want to talk about things that people always tend to forget and that are respect, but what is respect?   

So I can say there are different things of respect I will talk about some of them that I actually have learn is respect in my so short life. 

When someone of your friends, family members and all that do one thing you should actually respect their opinion that they are doing the right choice for themselves, I always tell my mates to follow their heart in love otherwise they will regret it in the end that they never tried with that person, or even worse lose the special one. I know that I have been hurt, been kicked on when I am laying heartbroken, but in the end I have always grown as a human as a person. 

People always say I am a bitch or a bad person but am I? When I think back on the advice I have given have always been for the person that has come to me, even if I know I will be sad and all that I have always thought about the other person more than myself.  The only advice I actually don’t like that I have given is to one person but in the end the thing worked out for the best but the thing was that it was so hard to respect that persons choice, as that person kicked me out from everything even our friendship was out of safe, but in the end I did respect that persons choices, but I was a mess without that friendship, that was one of my closest friends, today we are friends again, and maybe more, I will not tell, no but the thing is that our friendship grow stronger, as we had to talk out about everything, and I got a big sorry, form the person in question, but that person never knew how much I did cry in my room, before bed time, how hard things was for me, and the hardest part was not to write hello how are you to that person, and when I saw that person be so happy with his/hers choice, but in the end I was right with everything, he/she wasn’t so happy as I though, somehow I knew that the person did the wrong choice and I am happy that the person realise his/hers own mistake.

So the other thing I have learn is to respect others feeling even if it’s hard and all that, but if you don’t respect what another person is feeling how can you be a good person to that person, let’s say for an easy example that two friends falls for the same boy, you actually have to respect your mates feelings as much as it kills you that she likes the same boy it’s as important that you support her, and all that, because you never know who the boy likes in the end. If he likes you more than your mate you she should respect that as much as you have to respect if he likes your mate more than you. I know it is the hardest thing ever. It actually kills you slowly when you see the person you like, like someone else than you. But if you can be the bigger person and be happy for them you are the one that wins in the end.

The thing is that there is so much you should respect but never do, as I want people to respect me as a person, as much as I want them to respect my choices, and most of all I do want girls to respect that have my boyfriend and he is not available, then I want people to respect that I am taken. 

So what more can I say about this, I am sorry if I haven’t respect your choices, what you want to do, and all that, and I am sorry if you feel like I have been flirting with your boyfriend or things like that.

I will end this blog with, I wish people would respect me and stop talking about me, and make up things, and create problems that actually isn’t a problem, and that you stop talking about me, as you don’t know me I promise you really don’t know me as everyone that knows me, says I am nice and always think of others before myself. But I will change and start to think about myself more than other, maybe than I will get people to listen to me?

-Jo 

My annoying brain, and thoughts..

Today I am going to talk about some things that actually bothers me loads. My own brain, I know it’s bad but I have started to think some things, and even if I know they aren’t true I can’t help thinking of them.

So what more can I really say than I actually do worry about things, and there is nothing no one can say about them either, I know I will be fine but somehow I have started to think I will die if I need a new operation as my first one was a huge trauma to me, I don’t know what happen more than I woke up and somehow I think my mum said to me that the doctors said I never did that when they asked, but how can I explain everything that happen in that room? Was I dead, nope I woke up as I remember how much panic the doctors got and the nurse, they also said lets us hope she doesn’t feel anything, HELLO I actually think I rather not do a new operation even if I need one as I am scared to death I will die if I do one, or even worse woke up again. People tell me that they understand me how scared I am, but they have no clue how it is to wake up and see your own heart, to see inside your body, all I want is to forget that but I can’t and now I think I will die if I do the new operation.

The other thing I have started to think is that everyone really don’t like me as I am, what is really silly but I feel like my mates doesn’t want to be with me really, I don’t know why I feel like that, but I feel like no one really cares how I feel because if they would they would know I feel shite and bad, but they tend to close their eyes and hope I feel good, they never ask me how I feel, and they always come to me when they have problems, but not anymore as I need to talk myself. Who can I go to when I am scared, when I need someone to talk to, someone to say I am scared about loads of things, or when I think about one thing and they really just say I am annoying, let’s talk about something else. I mean I really do need to talk about some things but I have no one to talk to? When I get insecure who can I speak to as they really never give a shite about my feelings about how I feel about the things, but somehow I have to be quiet about those things as people get angry when I want to talk about my feelings, and that is to annoying for me.

I hope people let me talk in the future as the only person I can talk to is myself and that is not good as the brain tells me loads of things and I slowly start to get paranoid about loads of things, I have even made up some pairs in my head, and things like that. I mean how bad isn’t that that I have made a boy be totally in love with a girl that loves him, but there is someone else that will get really hurt, somehow I have to talk to someone but there is no one that want to listen to my so called crap. 

Oh well I am as angry at my mates as I am on myself, but my brain seems to be my best friend but also my worst enemy that is one thing that will not change in a long time, as I feel so complete alone at the moment, yet I have loads of people I can talk to but they tend to change subjects.

This was everything for now.

-Jo 

Rumors and lies..

¤Today I will talk about something that I have been thinking loads on and that is why do people tend to spread rumors, lies and say that they know you better than anyone else?

I am amazed that other people knows my feelings better than what I do, I mean who are you to tell me that I am lying to be madly in love with my boyfriend? The thing I really can’t understand is why you had to talk about my feelings to others and to tell them that I wasn’t in love with him as that is something I haven’t lied about for a single moment, I think it is more about this, maybe just maybe you are the person that is secretly in love with someone and don’t have the guts to tell the person, or you have realise that the person doesn’t love you and he loves someone else? All I can say is that this reminds me of my best so called best friend that said rumors to get people not to fall in love with me, because I was the person that got the boys, but all I had was my eyes on Jonas when I was younger, a bad choice from myself. Even Jonas has said that to me, of all people you decided to trust in me, the person that treated you badly, and you never ever blinked once when people told you the truth you choose to believe in me, the person that lied to you. I know I should have listen to the others now today because they were right about him, but they never spread rumors that I wasn’t in love with him, they always said I was blind because I was in love with him. Well my so called best friend was also in love with him, but he never liked her in the same way there for she started to spread rumors that weren’t true so people would see me as a monster or something.  

So those people that actually don’t believe that I am in love with Michael they are completely wrong, I feel extremely lucky that he loves me as much as I love him, he makes me smile like no one else, I feel lost without him, but I also know that there is no one else than me and Michael that knows how I feel as I never tend to talk about my feelings, what I really feel about him, what I can tell about myself is that I am a quiet person that really don’t like to talk about feelings and how I actually feel, but there is some people I do talk to and one of them are Michael, and he knows everything about me, and how I feel, and when people tells me that one person has said I am lying about my own feelings actually is not okay, I don’t go around and telling people you are pretending being in love with someone else,  so please for everyone just grow up and stop pretending you care about me as you clearly don’t do that, as you have opinion on what I do, how I feel, when there is only one person in this world that knows how I feel and think and that is Me, no one else knows that if I don’t tell you how I feel.

I know when I did spread a rumor about one girl here, I lost everything in the end, as I lied about one thing, the thing I lost was my own self respect I can’t still believe that I sank to her level to be with one person, just for one hour, that person that I was with don’t want to have anything to do with me today because I lied about another girl to him, today I am glad that they two are together but I lost two wonderful people, the only person I have to blame is myself to spread the rumors, I know I haven’t been nice in the past I have been that high school drama girl, and honestly I did grow out that when I left high school, I am happy for those moments I had in high school but I am not proud of the things I did. I was a bitch to so many girls that wanted to talk to Jonas, I was really unsure about myself and about my feelings that I had to spread rumors about others to feel better, but in the end you feel worse if you are a normal person, with normal feelings.

There are pretty many rumors I have heard about myself, and I am still so shocked about some of them, but mostly I laugh at them. I will tell you some of them, then you can tell me what you have heard about yourself and we both can laugh about them together, as rumors are never true they are just a bunch of lies.

That I tell people that I have done a heart operation just so they will feel sorry for me. Okay this is probably the best rumor of all as this is not true at all, I tend to never talk about my heart operation to anyone that is something I have just talked to maybe two people that knows how I feel and all my fears about it, I mean I can tell people I have done a heart operation because they should think more than once to not do things that I don’t want them to do, and to live for one day a time, but those I have told that I have done a heart operation doesn’t have a clue how I feel or how scared I am to have to do one more, so no I don’t want people to think sorry for me and if I want that I would never use that at least.

That I have been out parting when I have been in bed sleeping because I had a swimming competition when I was younger, come on I started to party when I was around 17 and when I did party I got drunk and my friends brother always had to take care of me as I didn’t even know where I was, I am not proud of those days, I was so lost because of loads of things that happen, and that made me so fucked up, and when I drink I become so damn mean, I will be your worst nightmare, and I would never snog with a boy when I am drunk as I tend to tell them what I really feel and that is NO NEVER, I don’t like you now piss off.

That I am dead, oh yeah I wonder if anyone else have heard that about them self it was actually one person that called me home to say I am so sorry for you lost to my parents and when I answer she was like Johanna are you alive? And I was yeah ofcourse why would I be dead? And she told me the whole story, oh my gosh people really have to start to think what they say to others.

Well the thing is that rumors can hurt you in the end, but it can also hurt the people around the rumor, I mean if you are in a relationship and you say that the other person has been cheating think now, you don’t hurt the person you want to hurt, you hurt both by making up a lie that isn’t true, as the other person in the relationship will get hurt too, as he/she hears lies about the person that he/she loves, and that is not fair to that person. People should try to think like I have done for a long time.

-Respect people as you want to be respected, treat people like you want to get treated, make love not war. 

Oh yeah I will end this blog post with STAND FOR WHAT YOU HAVE DONE AND SAID!

-Jo