People never change..

Today I am realise that people never change, I mean you forgive them but they still make fun of you, laughing behind your back!


The thing is that you can forgive people but they still talk bad about you. You try your hardest to make an effort but do they care? no they don't they make you feel all bad. But who are you to make me feel that bad that you make me feel sad and lonely when I am not that.  


Okay I don't even know where to start, I try to do my best but people never change I have realised that now. Honestly I hope that I never make the wrong choices when I forgive people, but honestly I hope that you really get to feel how it is to be stabbed in the back twice, as I have been by you. 


Well some people are at least trying to change as I am, I love that I am trying to be a better person. I hope that everyone will respect me for who I am, I forgive people give them a new chance. Even when they don't deserve it, Michael always tells me that I am too good, too kind. I know that he is right, I really have thought about what he has been saying , and I know I have to make some changes in my life. 


Well people always make mistakes and the other thing is that I have to realise that people really never change and they will always hurt you as some people are just BITCHES!


There you go Georgie, is it good enough this time


-Jo

...

Today I will talk about something that actually bug me more and more while I think about it. 


People always think you are a bitch that destroys everything you take your hands on, friends, loved ones and even other things. 


The only thing I really don't understand is why people say I am that person, I do not destroy friends, and loved ones, and deffo not other things. 


Well let me start with one thing that I really don't destroy friends, those that says that are deluded I mean I do say up friendship because I don't want you in my life, or something like that. I do always tell the truth to my friends, and others that asks for it. So if you have any questions be free to ask them as I would answer them.  So why wouldn't I tell my mates that they have a ugly shirt or something like that. I even tell them to grow up when they act like a kid! I really don't like that at all, I mean we are all grown ups and we should act like that. 


Hello I mean I should be able to tell my friends when they are making a wrong decision, but they don't have to listen to me. But they do listen to me, but they never tend to think as I do in the thing, trust me I have warned my friends when their boyfriends have been cheating and told them, but all they say is you are lying, I told one don't get together with him, as he hits girl I can see that in him, but guess what she ended to be together with him and yeah he did hit her. 


Well why would I hurt those I love the most? that is one thing I really don't get why people think I would hurt them? I am always there for my sister, and my parents, my uncles and even my boyfriends, and his family if they need me. If anyone hurts those that are close to me, I would get really angry and trust me that is not a nice thing. As I would make sure your life suck big time! 


Now to the thing I don't steal from others as people have been telling that I steal boyfriends, and that I am cheating on my boyfriend.. This thing is that nothing of that is even true.  I talk with my bf all the time, I love him and trust me when I say that everyone else is shite when I think about him he is the one. 


I don't steal from anyone, because that is just wrong. Well I will tell you one thing, that is that you have to forgive people that you don't like and don't want to forgive as that is the right thing to do. The thing you do is that you take away the power from those people you forgive to hurt you again, and all over again. I don't make any sense I know but you would understand me if you where me. 


-Jo

Jealousy between girls and boys

Today I will write about jealousy in a different way, I will talk about different jealousy things I have seen, lately well with that I mean the last five years, because I have seen so different jealous in that time, and I want to share with you how my mates have been jealous, this will be both girls and boys of course

So what can I really start with, let me start with a girl mate of mine she was really jealous, and this type of jealousy is the worst for girls, I have to say, seen it with more than just her.  It was when the boy she liked started to speak to other girls, well they were you can say more than friends, but not together, well I really don’t know what they were. Well she started to ask that boy everything he did, everyone he talked to, she tried to control him to the point that everything was bad if he talked to other girls. Really the only thing that happens was that the boy kept talking with his friends and everything and slowly started to look for a new girl, as he didn’t want to have my mate as she was so jealous and he thought if we get together I will lose my best friends, as they are mostly girls. Because she was so damn jealous I know that the girl got mad and unsure as he talked to one person she hated, it was her worst period in her life she has told me afterwards, she drove away the person she claimed to love, because she was so jealous. Today she have a kid and are married to another person, but she still thinks of that boy she made to leave her to go to the girl she hated.

I have seen one or two boys get jealous but they don’t tend to go so often jealous, I really don’t know why they never get jealous seems like they can’t show how they become. Anyway this boy mate was one that was together with a girl, and she got a work and her work colleague that of course was a boy. She started to spend more time on work, and he got worried that she would fall for this new boy, so he started to visit her on the work to give flowers, and stuff like that, she never knew he was jealous as he never told her that, but he really told everyone else. The thing was that she invited the new colleague home to a party and my mate went mental that night, he really started to fight with his girlfriend, screaming that she has been cheating on him, and of course she hadn’t done that, but he didn’t know that, and that colleague was gay, so he didn’t even like her. The thing was that they dumped each other and started a new life, my friend went to therapy to work of his jealousy as he had towards other boys as he said, that was not that first time, and probably not the last one.

 My personal thoughts about this is that it is more girls that are jealous, and they tend to show it more open, they trash talk other people to get what they want, they start to play dirty, I really don’t know if lads do it like we do. But what worries me is that they boys never see when we girls start to do the dirty games, as they just feel loved, or horny, no idea really. Girls tend to try to control their boyfriends, they can also make so they fight and all that, just because she is so jealous over him talking to another girl. Boys I think can get jealous if they hear about old things that the girl have done and all that, same with the girls really.

The only time I have really felt jealousy was a time when one choose another girl over me, as I wasn’t that person that he wanted to share his love with, but he played me to think that I was the one he loved, but I wasn’t and of course I was jealous. When I think about it, I was jealous and all that but I pushed away what I felt to play dirty to get out the girl from the boys life, and I really got her out by showing a friend that played the boy as he had done with me, while I took photos of him kissing another girl while he was together with that girl he left me for, well just say that I lost really many friends with my dirty game, but mostly I was happy as she left him so I didn’t care in the end. I got my so called payback!

-Jo

Love, sad and happy moments :)

Love is something that makes you really happy but it can make you really sad too, I will explain it all later one in this post. I guess I will start with the sad part as it is always bad to end a post with sadness.

While I am listening to anywhere for you with Backstreet boys I will write this blog. I will start this post as simple as I can.

I am a girl that is in love; the thing is that I have never been truly in love before I met Michael. I really never thought love can feel as it does, honestly I feel totally torn apart every single time I have to leave him, I want to cry as I know how much I will miss him, miss talking to him, miss his hugs, miss the kisses, miss the bed time, trust me I really miss all those silly but so wonderful things.

Nothing feels good when I am without him, I feel like my heart is in two places, and I can’t do anything to make it whole again, it get whole again when I see Michael, and those moments, those seconds, minutes, hours, days, weeks, months, years I am with him, makes me feel so complete, like I have found the missing puzzle in my life.

The thing is that love is really the best thing that can happen to you as a person, you start to smile silly when you think about the person, you feel complete warm inside when you hear him say your name. But the best part is to just stand and look in to the person’s eyes and just frown in them, while that person is looking at you in the same way as you are looking at him.

Things that usually is easy to do or say, becomes hard and feels so new, I mean when you say I love you and hear that person say it back makes you heart skip a beat, when you see the person you love in pain you feel the pain yourself, but when you see that person you love smile all you want to do is to stop time and remember that smile that person has at that moment when he looks relax and so handsome.

The thing people tells me about love has been a lie, love is hard, really it is hard when you aren’t together when you can’t see the person as much as you want, it breaks your heart, but you wait for those moments when you finally can become whole again and that time, everything really stands still.  If you have been in love you really understand what I mean. You want to be with the person you love always and forever. Nothing else seems so important anymore, I mean I do care about stuff but the person I care most for is Michael, and how he feels.

The thing is that I remember one thing Michael told me once in the phone/skype when I was falling asleep, well I was probably half asleep already when he told it, it was in april 2010 I think, I remember every single word when I think about it. What he told me was: Johanna, you are the most beautiful woman in this world, I wish I could be there to hug you, sleep tight my princess, I love you and one day I will whisper those word in to your ears.

Well I don’t really know if he has said them because I tend to fall asleep like a baby when he is here with me, I sleep so good when he is close to me, I wake up with the biggest smile on my lips, Enjoying the mornings more than anything. The nice kisses I can give Michael to wake him up, yeah I am kinda mean I do wake him up in the morning, and he is so cute when he is about to wake up, my heart melts when I think about it, when I can put my lips on his and say good morning sweetheart, slept good with a cute smile, and he answer yep I slept good.

What more can I actually say about love one million more things I guess, no billion or trillions, because you always learn something new when it comes to love, and it changes you to the better person, and when you are feeling down, sad or lonely, just think about happy things you have done with your sweetheart, the love of your life and you will start to smile and feel all warm inside.

That was all for me today, hope you all have enjoyed to read this one, and I hope Michael haven’t read it..

-Jo

wedding, Engagement, love

Today I am going to talk about love, what is love for me, and what do I think about wedding and engagement. 


This year has been the best year in my life, as I have been taught what love is about, and everything what love is about. I really can say that I never knew what love was before I met Michael. 


Well what is love it is really when you think about someone else than yourself, you start to think what is better for the other person, and what is good for you, you want the other person to feel better than you feel. You want to make the person feel like that person is the only person in this world. 


When you hear that that person is sad, or down it kills you slowly inside because you feel like you cant make the person happy, and you feel like you are doing something wrong, but you are doing everything right, but the thing is that everyone has days when they feel down and so on. The thing you can do when the other person is feeling like that is to tell him/her how much they means to you, how much you miss them, how much you want them to feel like you. 


So do love change you? Yes it actually do change you as a human you learn so much about yourself that you never knew that you can feel that you can do for someone else. I really can't tell you that you will have the same feelings and how I have had. but the thing is that I have learn that you really stop caring about yourself as you did before you found the love. 


As a girl you tend to dream about the perfect wedding the perfect proposal but the thing is that there is no perfect thing, as it really will be perfect on the day. 


The thing I can tell about how I want to get the question "will you marry me?" anyway the thing is that I have always dreamed about it being on a beach, when it is sunset, and the guy have make me a nice picnic, then he ask me while the sun is going down, Johanna do you want to spend the rest of your life with me? Okay the thing is that I am deep deep down a romantic person I think, or I have read to many romantic books. 


So what is the other thing about the wedding, I really just want the people that I love and the people that he loves to be on the wedding as you are always celebrate the love between you two. a wedding is nothing else than a celebration about the love of two people, I don't know why people never think as I think, because wedding is something nice between two people. 


What well what can I say about the dream wedding I want to have, so the thing is that I want it to be in a church but I have always wanting it to be snow outside because it is so nice, I really can't tell why I have always wanted it to be in the winter.  Honestly today I would say that I would probably be changing a lot when I am planing the wedding as I would probably think about the cake, the dress, the food things like that. 


Anyway love is something that change you to the better person, and you really start to think in different ways, and you want everything to be perfect on your special day but it will be good in the end. 


So with this I will end, the blog post. 


Love is something wonderful, and when you've found it you will realise that you changes slowly to the better person that you can become. 


-Jo

Not telling the truth...

Today I will write about one thing that I really have been thinking about today, lying!


okay where is the line going, when is the lie becoming to big, when is it something you really don't care about the line. 


Now to the big thing, If someone lies to me about talking trash about me, I would never forgive them until they tell me why they did it. I mean that people are always doing things but they never think about the other person that it effects, I mean I know more or less who has been talking really bad about me, but those people haven't even have the guts to tell me that they have been talking bad about me. 


One person said I was the reason for making some leave facebook, but guess what he is still there and it was not my fault he left he left for some other reasons.  


I don't get some people says that you can't have what some call "cyber relationship" of course you can't really have it but it can be a start for a real relationship, than when some people realise they love each other. Than some people are trying to destroy that, I really don't get why people would do that. Okay the thing is that the lying just get worse, as they are trying to get you to look worse than they really are. 


Than we have the other things, we have those that lies about something to make you think they are something they really aren't but it is not that big. It can make you feel better in the end when you get to know the truth about it, as they come clean or feel like they can tell you the truth. 


I always want to know the truth even if it would hurt me really, but the truth is the best way in this life. If you build your relationships on a lie, are they really real?


-Jo

wedding

sometimes that just feels so damn strange to think about and yet I have been dreaming of it since I have been a kid, I know what I want and all that, but the thing is that there is someone else that might don't want as I want it.

how much should you back on your own thoughts and all that? I know mostly what I want but I also want the dude to tell me what he wants, but the thing is that it will be hard as I am so damn stubborn.

jeje well I know that I have to be nice and back in many things, but that is life :)

the truth about THAT time

Well today I will write about a post about one thing that is really close to me and my thoughts about it, I know there will be few that knows that I am talking about them and some will feel maybe I wasn’t one of them that got happy.

Let me see how I can start with this, it actually felt that more people were happy when Michael and I were not friends anymore. I don’t really get why people were happy when me and him weren’t friends, they all made sure to tell me what I missed on his page, to make me miss him even more, people probably wanted me to feel even more shite than I already did, or they never realise how hurt I really was.

How it felt to lose someone that you thought was your friend and it turned out that he wasn’t the person you thought he was. I felt like the biggest idiot alive, and people were so mean to me, really there was only one or two that never said anything about Michael to me, they tried their best to help me feel complete again, but I never felt it, I was alone and I felt so alone in the darkness I was in.

Hours felt like years, minutes like months, seconds like days, how did you think I felt when you all told me when he wrote I love you on someone else page, when I never could see it, and then you print screen it to me so I could see it.

But the thing is that I got stronger with this thing, Michael and I started slowly to talk again, without anyone knowing, I remember one thing I asked him, if a wall post was right and he told me, no that is not right, and those people that are telling you what I am doing are not nice to you, even if we wasn’t that close at that point, Michael always took care of me.

Put than when things got really serious between me and Michael, there was only some people that was happy about it, some people even told me that I would go to hell, and burn, and lose lots of friends because I apparently stole him from someone, honest I don’t care if you say that I stole him, I never stole him. He knew that I was in love with him, I never hide that from him, and he said that he always saw that I loved him, but I did my best to be happy for him.

All I can remember is that it was honestly just three people that were happy that me and him was together, and that was my little sister, she said I deserved to be happy for once, she had never seen me so happy and she would probably kill everyone if she knew how hard I had it that summer and that year because what you don’t know it is that the stress you all put me through by hating and making sure to destroy me was one of the reason I almost died.

The thing is that I always tell people that they don’t know how it is to be me. It is hard because I can’t handle too much stress, but you all made me stronger, so today I would survive anything thrown at me. Anyway, the thing is that my so called friends weren’t happy for me, when Michael and I got together I lost everyone it seems, well I never lost Katie, one girl from London, she was my biggest helping friend during that time, and Michael he was the true angel, because we did talk out about everything that had happen, so I know what people had said but then I told him everything I knew and had heard.

For once we actually cleared all the air and started on a fresh page, that was the reason we did fall for each other I think, well I know the true reason why Michael realised he loved me, it was because I will tell you all and with this happy memory I will end this post.

We cammed on msn, and I was looking after my parents house, and Chanel had kittens and I was showing him them. I had my sisters lap top so I could be in bed, bad choice when I think about it, I was so tired but I never told him that I was tired, I had a really nice pillow, a blue one, a good bed, and was so happy because it had been a good day. Anyway, we cammed for around 15 minutes and I was showing him things around the room I was in and then I put my head on the pillow and slowly I started to fall asleep and, without realising it, I was sleeping and the cam was still on, and I know that Michael watched me for some minutes while I was drooling on my lovely pillow, probably sleeping like an angel, but the thing was that the message he left me on that day in July at the end of the month was the sweetest messages I had ever seen in my life. He told me how I was the most beautiful princess that he ever had seen and I looked like an angel.

xoxo Johanna

The real Johanna

The real Johanna, here you will get the real picture of who I am. Ha you all think you know me but you are so wrong, there is probably only three people that know me truly and one of them are my dad, I should probably listen to him more often than I do. Myself and Michael, that is really scare he knows me so good.

Anyway here is the real Johanna that you all think you know but don’t really know.

When it comes to trusting in people, I really don’t trust in so many as people always seem to show me their real side in some weeks, by talking trash about you, or talking behind your back. Okay I know you think I don’t know those things but hello I know as in some point everything comes out, it truly always comes out.

When I decided to  join facebook I really never thought it would be so much drama, I just thought it would be by meeting new friends, and all that, facebook is something I will always be happy to have had, as I found Michael there, but the other things I would just wanted to be without really.

Anyway people always break the trust but we are all humans, there for you should always give a person forgiveness and make them prove that they can change that they can be the better person, the one that really are there when you need someone to talk to, without telling thing to others., the one that you can rely on when you need someone, that you maybe not can talk to normally to as you are too close to them.

The thing that most people don’t know about me, is that I am really shy, I am so shy in real, that I am mostly quiet when I am with new people, if I haven’t drink something, then I talk and I talk lots then, you probably have to hit me on the head to get me quiet. When I am with my friends I talk more than anything, but the thing is that I don’t really don’t trust in them, only some few ones and they really never would break that bound that we have haha oh yeah we have a bound. They know when I don’t like a person, they know when I am about to hit the other one, and they know when I am about to just scream and tell them that I hate this world. Those are my real friends with the other people I am more of the one that listen to what they want to tell me and then just give them advice to what they can do.

The thing is that I always forgive people, no matter what they have done to me, I forgive them people can change, they can do mistakes, so can I as I am not perfect, but I can always say I am sorry for things when I know when I am wrong about things. I don’t really know why people think I talk so much trash about them as I never tend to do that, I always say what I feel about a person and if that person would ask me about it I would actually say that, as I stand for what I am saying, so If I say to someone that I don’t like you and you ask me I would actually say yeah that is true I don’t like you. But hello how can like everyone.

The things that I really like to do is to play games as than I don’t feel so alone as I more or less feel so alone, I don’t know why I feel so alone, but I think it has to be how my years in school has been, they are the reason I don’t trust in people, but it has taught me that you should be able to forgive people for what they have done to you. Even if it hurt lots still and will probably hurt a long time, but they can’t hurt you when you forgive them. That is true you take away the power from them to hurt you as a human being.

The thing is that people always say that I am a whore but do you know what a whore is? I mean than I can say that you are a whore when you work as you are selling yourself to the work place you are working in, but I don’t sell myself when I have sex with my boyfriend.  A whore is something that takes pay for sexual things, but if you call me whore from now on and you have a work think about it before you call me as you are selling yourself for money in some other way.

The thing is that I actually can count how many people I have kissed in my whole life, who I have had sex with and everything like that, and honestly I will tell you here because I know that some people are reading this blog that actually say that I have had sex loads but that is not true at all, I have had sex with 4 people, oh hurray that is so many I know! I have kissed 20 people there is people that has been in games like spin the bottle. Oh yeah how many have you been kissing, shagged with? Truly I take serious on things like that, the only time I don’t take serious about kissing is when we are playing spin the bottle but then we are just friends that are there.

When it comes to things that people might like me think that I am cute and that I really don’t believe in them as I am unsure about how I look, I don’t think I look “good”. That is the thing that has hurt me the most I have heard for most of my school time that I am ugly have a big nose, been to white whatever you can think about I have heard it, there for somehow my brain has been told that I am ugly and now I think that in some sick way, but that is one thing that I am working with to go away, as I don’t want to feel ugly always, I want to feel pretty and cute. Is there anyone that feels like that? And not feel like a complete mess?

I love things like swimming, and I really miss swimming and just be thinking that it is so peaceful to swim to the other end and then swim back to the other end. The thing is that I wish I could have more money so I can start swim again, as I feel useful there, not like I am shite and bad, there is something I am good at.

I can be jealous when I am in a relationship, because of how I feel of myself, and when I look at other woman, they look so perfect and I don’t look perfect, well is there anyone that is perfect, nope, there is no one that is perfect but you can learn to love yourself so you don’t freak out when your loved one is talking to someone else that isn’t you. I don’t care who my loved one are friends with but if I don’t like them I would not be with him when he sees them, easy salvation really.

The thing that I have learned to be is to be honest and stand for what you say, always be kind and all that, and if you want people to be that to you maybe you should be like that to them.  I want people to see me for who I am and not hear the rumors and trust in them ‘cause they are 99 % false and 1 % true.  So if you want to know anything about me ask me, as I know the answer no one else!

Oh damn this blog has been a long arsed one I can see in the words, but I don’t care! I am going to look forward for the future and try to let go complete of the past, I know I need help with that so if you want to help me tell me, would be glad for that. And I will end this one with only one thing.

It is so hard to write a blog when you really want to show people what you think and feel, but if you are reading my blog you really know more or less the real and true Johanna, how I am as a person and a human being.

Thank you for reading my blog, whoever you are thank you!

Xoxo Johanna

unsure

Today I am going to talk about something that actually scares me more than anything I am soon 27 years old I know I feel so damn old, and honestly what have I done with my life, what have I become. I ended high school like 12 years ago and still I haven’t become what I mostly want to become. Damn I feel like I have failed in everything.

I failed when I gave up my swimming, I failed when I turned down law school, what more can I say really the thing is that I am more and more confused what I want to be.

I know people always tell me what I should become but what if I don’t want to be that, what if I fail by trying, the thing is that you have to try to know if you will fail or not. I know everything, but the thing is that I don’t know what I want with my life anymore more than one thing and that is pretty much what I am looking forward to and that is to start a own family, with my husband to come (Michael) and get kids.

I don’t really think anyone has figure out how much I am thinking about stuff I am trying to talk to people but they never tend to get it when you really need them to get things, I have been asking my mates what they think I will be good at and all they say is to being home and take care of my kids, they never say any good things, always making fun of me in some way.

The thing is that I am scared what will happen with me I don’t feel so good anymore that I used to feel some months ago I feel strangely tired most of the times lately, like I don’t have any energy or what so ever, I sleep like 10-13 hours every night and still I feel so damn tired that I need to take 1-2 hours nap on the days than go to bed really early, what the hell is wrong with me? I was in the doctors today and all they said was that I have to call them back if I am still tired like I am now in 4 weeks or so. Really I have been thinking what if I am well let’s not talk about that. 

Well maybe it is the age that has come up to me, that I am getting older and more tired no idea, well might be something else or not don’t really know. Anyway still going to think what I can become, as I have to figure out that as soon as possible.

Love you all!

-Jo

Heartbreak

Heartbroken is something that I never wish that anyone even not my enemy to have as it I know how bad it feels to be heartbroken.

There are probably lots of things to say when it comes to that subject but it is never so easy to help someone when they are heartbroken all you can say is that things will get better in times, but sometimes they don’t get better not for a long time, you really have to heal and that takes time, you never feel like you are complete healed but then something comes along and you realise that you are healing but slowly.

There have been four heartbroken in my life and two of them have been with love, and the other one was losing my grandpa and my oldest cat Molle. I know it sounds silly and that but all I can do is to tell everyone that read my blog how I started to heal myself and how I got stronger with time.

The first time I really realise your heart could get really ripped apart and this has been the worst heartbreak I ever felt in my whole life so far, it was the 19^th October 2005 and it was the day my grandpa, went away from this earth from this place. Even if I know that he has it so much better, it felt like I died slowly inside because I knew I would never ever see him again, never be able to talk to him, to hug him, he would never see me get married and all of those things I wanted him to see. But the thing this heartbreak has taken so long time to heal, I never would say this to anyone but it has been this year I have started to feel complete again, I miss him more than ever, but I feel whole as I have found love, I’ve been able to talk about my wonderful grandpa without starting to cry, and feel all sad and alone, because the heart felt so broken for so long time.

It wasn’t that hard when my cat left us of I got heartbroken here too as I loved Molle more than anything in this world, no cat will be him, he was my sweet baby, that always slept with me, under the blanket and the head on my pillow beside me. When I cried he was always there so I could hug him and feel a bit better, he was like my best friend but he was a cat. I thought him so many things and everything but I am happy that I had all those years with him as he was my sweet angel.  I got heartbroken as I had been with him for so long time, and the same will be with Smulan probably more as I have been her mum in some other way, I gave her milk, have had her since she was 1-2 weeks old.

Then we come to the love heartbreaks, of course I have had two one that was smaller than the other and this is the hardest part as this is something that no one really knows about me how I felt and how I have worked through this and how insure I am in some things. But here is my story of the love heartbreaks.

There was a guy that was named Sam, I liked him and apparently he liked me too, well the thing is that he always told me that he liked me and one day out of the blue he told me that he had a girlfriend and my heart broke apart not that big thankfully today I have realise that you can break it harder and worse, well the thing was that I cried for days alone in my room, but one day I decided to do things that made me happy, as whatever the other people told me it didn’t feel like that, it felt worse and nothing helped I was thinking about him all day why had he told me that he liked me and then he had a girlfriend, things like that. But I started to do things that made me happy and made me smile, and one strange day he told me he wanted me and I was healed than I think as I told him, I don’t want you (even if I did wanted him) because all I could think about he might do it again, as they tend to break your heart one more time if they have done it one time more, but then I have my regret that I never said yes, what if we could have been happy for one – three years, I will never know.

The hardest heartbreak I have had in love is actually my boyfriend that has causes but somehow he made my heart heal much faster than anyone else has done, he has healed me completely thanks to him, I have healed from my biggest heartbreak, well I will write about this and what things makes me still unsure the memories that never goes truly away.

It was 4^th of June 2010, it was a Friday, and I can still remember what I had done the day, I tend to forget things anyway here the story is short but long I know, Me and Michael had been talking on skype as usually and he told me that he loved me like 7-8 pm sometime around here, and I was so happy was flying on clouds, but then later on that night he decided to tell me, that he didn’t want to be with me, because he liked someone else more than me, I really broke to one million pieces and I felt so alone, so stupid in the same time, he had told me that he loved me but he had been lying for me all along, well the thing was that it turned much worse before it started to get better, he decided to say up the friendship and I felt even more heartbroken.

The thing is that I have never had anyone that has been like he was at that time, but we talked the 6^th June 201o again, and we said that we shall remind friends, well faith wanted something else, but before all that, I felt so heartbroken, and the thing was that when I saw that other girl I didn’t want to be online I wanted to hide, and die I really wanted to die, I felt so alone and so unloved, then one day I saw one thing and it broke my heart even more Michael wrote something to her and I saw that, ofcourse I got really sad. All people told me to forget him, how could I do that, I was deeply in love and no one understood how I felt, I tried to talk to someone and they told me that I should grow up and stop being in love, and everything there they were actually mean to me more than nice, no one was my friend when I think about it. Most people were happy that Michael didn’t want to be with me.  Well it took probably two weeks before I started to smile a bit, and it was because when I and Michael talked it felt like we had start all over as friends, there no one knew that I talked to him, and somehow I never realise that I had changed in some ways.

Then one day in July Michael had come home from Wales and we cammend on msn or skype don’t remember what we used but I remember that Chanel was bugging me and he said you look really cute when you are rolling on the bed trying to write when the cat is in the way. All I said was thank you, and we talked a bit more then he really turned around my world honestly he really made me feel what have I done now he got quiet and just said Johanna, I have to tell you one thing, I have made a mistake, I love you I realise it now, when I speak to you I get happy and feel a strange feeling inside me. I will never forget those words, I thought he was lying of course but I said I love you too and I have always done it, I tried my best not to show him that I still loved him but I did.

So we decided to get us a new chance and we are still together and my heart has healed from that heartbreak but I can feel unsure when he talks to certain people, but I would never try to control him, he can be friends with anyone he wants, and I know he loves me more than anything. Well the thing is that I will probably feel unsure for a bit as it is still so fresh the heart broken, but honesty if you live like he will hurt me again you should know that it is better to be single and not be with him at all. All I know is that Michael makes me smile like a little shy girl, when he kiss me my world stops, and when he hugs me and tell me that he loves me even if I look like shite, I feel completely warm inside my body, and I would never ever want him to go away from my life, he is the best person in my friends, and family and anything you can put that to words, he is the person I would feel alone without.

Well all I can say about heart breaks is that you should never wish that anyone shall get is as it is one of the most painful things ever to feel, and if you see someone have it you can say one day in the future you will feel complete but it will take time, no idea to lie about it because it takes time, and it takes sometimes a long time, to heal from things, and you will be thinking about the guy for some time but when time goes by, it will fade away slowly.

-Jo

Friends, jealousy and hate

So why do people pretend to be your friend when they hate you?

In the deep thoughts I have, it is because they want something that you are good at or because you have someone in your friend part, that they want to be friends with. The thing it is never that easy I mean lets say I want to be friend with a dude that has a girlfriend I hate, I would probably be friends with that girl as he loves here. I know that it's not good to be friend with someone you don't but many people are that just because they gain something, as I would gain the boy's friendship.

So how many are using me for the same reason, I mean I am in a relationship.. Probably someone but I don't know if that person hates me or that, but there is probably someone that is my friend to get Michael's friendship.

Than you have those that are jealous on everything you have, and those things you are doing, honestly why would you put so much energy to  be jealous on your friend, you might miss the best guy while you are jealous. I mean if you want to have someone that someone else already have you can't get that boy and then you look for someone that reminds you of him that is pretty much lame. I mean why wouldn't you want to have your own taste in dudes.

Now to the other thing, if your friend has a boyfriend you should not be jealous of her, and that dude, you should be happy for her. I know there are some people that get jealous that you have someone and you can't control it but what can you do more than living?

Than you have those that never like you and hate you, they are just pretending to be your friend so they can crush you and make you sad, and feel bad about you. I guess there are some girls that will always be jealous that I have Michael as he is the sweetest guy in this world, no one can beat his sweetness. There are some boys that are jealous on Michael because he has me as a girlfriend, but in time you learn to choose who you want in your life or not.

So the last thing I want to ask is 12-12-12 a good day to get married? what do you think?

-Jo

Engagement rings

Today I choose to talk about Engagement rings, and what a girl want, I have asked people what kind of ring they want and it seem like most girls have the same dream how they perfect ring should look like. 

I had some choices that they could take and say what they thought about a ring the most people liked this ring that I have as a picture here now. 

I have to say that most girls and notice this MOST girls wants the ring that looks most expensive, as they want a expensive ring, with lots of diamonds, and a huge diamond in the middle. I am not saying that everyone wants a ring like that, but honestly what does that tell the guys that we are all gold diggers? That all we care about is money, probably it is just what guys think about us. But girls are right to dream about the perfect ring to have.

Okay if I can say something about this ring I have uploaded now, it is a 9 karat Diamond in white gold, this one is really expensive I know that as the diamond is so big. but would I want it not really as I think about the other things that can happen when I have it. 

What if I drop that ring when I have it on me, would I get stuck in things, there I mean clothes and rip them apart and do small holes. The thing that is most scary is that I am thinking about is that someone would probably rob me if I have that on me walking with it. No thanks I would want to have a ring that is not like that. The only thing I want to have on my ring is that is in gold or white gold. as I like Gold. 

honestly what are the signals we are sending out to the guys with an engagement ring that has the worlds biggest stone, and how the hell are we making the guys feel. All I can guess is that guys really just think that girls want to have someone that is rich and don't care how they look like, or how they treat a girl, I can never tell how a guy will think and how they will respond. But I am a bit ashamed that girl only think big with the ring as they don't send a good signal to the lads, poor them but most girls dream about a big stone in the middle and in gold that cost around £7000 ---> 

No wonder guys think that we girls are gold diggers that only uses guys for money. We can only blame us self for that girls. now it is time to change that picture!

I hope we girls can like a normal  maybe something like this if you like diamonds, but I don't mind the ring without the diamonds.. 

Well I will not talk to much about this as you all will kill me..

Love you all! Hope you liked this blog post :)

-Jo

Today I will write about somethings that have been on my mind for some time, and yeah I will give my own opinion on the questions and what I think about them.

Do you think sex is important in a relationship? I asked this on facebook to see what other thought about it, most people said Yes, and two said no.

Well what do Johanna think about it, she really think sex is important in a relationship, but before you have it you should be 100 % sure that you are in love with the person, well the thing is that some people don't wait enough time, as I would say it takes time to fall in love so before you aren't in love you should not have sex. So what is the perfect time to have sex, I would say wait at least 1-2 months before you have it, as you first know than if you love the other person. Not on the first date, or second or third, than you would be seen as easy target.

How many times in a week do you want to have sex?

I really think you should have at least sex 4 times every week, so you can hold the flame alive, but not the same old boring sex, you should try new things, the more you know each other the more you should try,  you always need new things to do when you are in a relationship.

Where do cheating go according to you?

I know people will hate me for having my view on this, as I would say if you are in a relationship and you flirt with purpose with lads, you are cheating. As you really are flirting with someone else than your boyfriend. I also think if you have sex talks with other people that isn't your boyfriend and now I mean when you speak like I want to suck your D*ck and I want you to fu*k me hard. That kind of talk. but also if you kiss someone you are cheating!

What do you think about your boyfriend saying I love you to other girls?

This is a question that is really hard to explain right without sounding jealous, but as always I will answer honest. I would feel hurt every single time he says I love you to someone else that isn't me, as he claims to love me and no one else. But the thing is that I have only said I love you too two people for real in my whole life so I mean every single word when I say it.  Well I would never tell my boyfriend to stop telling that to people but I know how I would feel, and the most important thing is that my boyfriend would know it too, and I would talk to him, and explain why I feel like I do.

What is the most annoying thing in a relationship?

Now there is just one thing I really would be annoyed at and that is if I cant get as much sex as I want, and I know that is silly but that is who I am.

Do you speak what is on your mind?

Yes I always speak whats on my mind, but I really don't like to speak about everything, like if I know that people hates me or talks trash about me, that is something I don't like to talk about, but sometimes you have to.

Do you mean I am sorry when you say it?

Yes that is something I really always mean.

-Jo

Love and jealousy

Today I will write about love and jealousy that you can have in love I know it is hard to confess that you might be jealous or that you are to jealous to realise that you are in love with the person, and that you hurt the other person.  

This will be hard to write as I actually have to think about things I don’t want to think about, but here is my side my story of what I think about love and jealousy.

Anyway here is my start. Love is something you actually don’t feel over one night even if it feels like that; it takes time to grow to something special, and deep. You do like a person in the beginning You never just start to love the person right away, if you do that, you really don’t know what love is about.

The thing is that I don’t think there is love at first sight you really just don’t realise that you will love that person right away the first attraction is that you start to like a person.  Love is something that takes time to get to; love is so much stronger than I can explain not good at least.

Love is when you really can trust in someone as much as you trust in yourself; love is when you put someone else feelings before your own, you slowly start to care about the person as it was yourself. You never want the other person to feel bad, ill or sad, the worst thing is when you really realise that you can’t do anything to make the person feel better and that is more painful than you being hurt, got your heart broken in one million pieces, when you truly love someone and you can’t do anything to make him feel better you feel more worthless than ever. Love makes us think so different, you really aren’t thinking about yourself as the main person, but you really are thinking about yourself too in the same way that before.

The thing is that sometimes you do get jealous before you really know where you have the other person that you like, that is not love when you are jealous, jealousy is something that makes you unsure who you are as a person. You might as the other person what he has done, why he talks to other people, why he talks to that girl, if you are the only one for him. You slowly are turning in to big brother if you can say that, trust me not a good sign. The thing is that when you start to get to jealous the other person suffocates, and slowly start looking for other girls, and other people and you loses the person that would have been the best person ever, just because you can’t control your own feelings, and because you are too worried that he might like someone else when he really likes you.

The thing is that when a person is jealous the other person slowly start to go away, because you don’t want to have someone that always control you as a human being, you can’t control who the other person can or will be friends with, hello, than I would say that my boyfriend can’t have any female friends, just because I am afraid that he would fall for someone of them. No that is bullshite, honestly you should be happy if the person you are with has lots of friends, otherwise you will feel like the bad person that took everything away from him.  The only thing I can do when he has someone I don’t like, is to tell him that I don’t like that person, and tell my reasons why I don’t like the person, and say I would be happy that you don’t met that person when you are there.

The thing is that people tend to say I love you too early, you really have to wait with that until you are really sure that you love the person that you tell those words to, when you say the words you should truly mean them otherwise you are just a lying bitch. 

ARGH!

Okay today I am going to talk about things that actually bugs me more or less, well people don’t get how hard things are in my life, and things like that.

Okay to the thing that everyone here bugs me about is to get a kid, hello I don’t want a kid yet, I do want in the future, but when I am married and things like that. Honestly I am to scare that I will end up alone with a kid, my worst nightmare, when I look at my friends okay everyone has a kid, well most has it, and some has like 7 kids. Anyway they seem not to want to want to be my friend as I don’t have a kid, as than they can’t talk about things that have to do with kids. 

The other thing that bugs me is that people never have the guts to tell you what they think about you! Okay I know you don’t like me, as you trash talk me, but why in hell can’t you just tell me what you think about me, instead of talking to others! You always say that people should respect others and you are not doing it yourself, hypocritical I say about you!

Why do people talk about you, honestly are they jealous that you are better looking, happier, have more friends, no they talk shite about you as they don’t believe in themselves. Okay new rules in my life, I will ask people nice and gently what they think about me here in my blog and I want everyone to answer what they think about me, they can mail me on fb, hotmail where ever! I am sick of hearing that person talk’s shite about you to me, and I can’t say what that person has told me!

So here is the questions I want everyone to answer me!

1.       Do you like me? If not tell me!

2.       Why are you my friend?

3.       If you don’t bother to answer you are a chicken!  

That was everything today!

Sex

Okay today I will talk about sex, so if you are under 18 I don’t recommend you to read it.

Okay the thing is everyone that is in a relationship has a sex life some has more some has less, I know I would have it every single day if Michael lived here. The thing is that I really love how Michael makes me feel when we have it.  Really that is so good, well I will tell you the reasons and everything.

When we do have it I feel so complete with him, it feels like I am completely in peace. The kisses feel more special, the hugs feel special.

The thing is that he is almost too big for me; the thing is that he has to be perfect because he always gives me an orgasm.  It really doesn’t matter if you have it normal or try some other possession.

I really have tried lots of things, with my ex and now I am trying with Michael the huge difference is that Michael gives me orgasms, and mostly I get them before he gets them.   With Jonas I never felt as I feel when I am with Michael.

Sometimes I actually feel like I can’t give Michael the same pleasure that he gives me, I can get two orgasms and he just gets one, well I know I shouldn’t complain as he doesn’t get it to fast, he can really go on for over 30 minutes that is actually really good.

There have only been one time when he came before me, but that probably was because I did a great job in the foreplay, he came within five minutes that is the only time I haven’t got one, but other than that I have got the best thing an orgasm.

What more can I say about sex and that, it is nice when you have the missionary I know it is boring but there you can kiss each other more or less, hug each other so much. I love the intimate you have there. When you ride the boy it feels good too, but the fastest way is to be on top and make him do the work, it really hits the G-spot and you get the orgasm pretty fast if you have done a good foreplay.

Well what is foreplay you might ask, to give a blowjob, get a lick down there, and to kiss each other. Well the thing is you should never have sex until you are really in mood and take it slowly, the more you feel secure the better it will be.

What people has said about me

Today I have been thinking lots about things, and the more I think the more I realize that people are something that actually hurt others, no matter what you are to each other but they hurt you.

Well the thing is that you always start as a friend, but somehow they always stab you in the back.

Now to the things I know people has said about me and I know who you are too but I will be really nice not to name you as you will know who you are anyway, and if you want to talk to me you know where to find me, is it so hard to tell the truth to me, as you don’t like me but still you want me in your life!?

So now to the lies people tell about me or think about me, I am not clueless as you think and honest to god do you think I don’t get told and see it on my own what you people say about me?

That I steal boyfriends from people!  This is the best lie I ever have heard, as when I look at my boyfriends I have had and have they where SINGLE before I went in to a relationship with them, and Michael was Single too, and it was he who asked me to go in to a relationship so how could I steal him? And I wanted him so I did ask him too.. 

 That I lie 90 % of the time but I have some good parts in me. I don’t get this as people well everyone would see if I lie I am a bad liar and honest to god, It is better to stick with the truth, If I don’t like you and you ask me you would get an truly answer. So please tell me what I have been lying about and I will tell you the truth!

Talking trash about me to others, oh yeah clearly I know who has done that, maybe you should think before you talk to people and who you talk too, as some people actually have told me what you have said about me, and they have showed me proof so I would not say what you have said as that would give away the things. Honestly we are not 15 more so tell me instead, or have the guts to tell me what you think

I will never ever talk to Johanna again, I hate Johanna, I don’t want to have anything to do with her ever again. This is a funny story if you feel like this why are we having contact today? If you hate me and things like that?

That I have been the reason people have deactivated their facebooks. This has to be the best lie ever I have heard from people, as you have a mind of your own, and if you don’t want to be on facebook you delete the account, and I can’t make anyone to go, the only thing I can do is to make them delete me and block me and fine life goes on, you can’t like everyone!

That I have been desperate to make others talk about me to others, I really wish people would stop talking about me, and if they do talk about me to you or anyone else you know please tell me and I will kick their little butts to heaven, I hate when people talk about me as they never tell the truth anyway. If you haven’t heard it from me than it’s not true!

That I don’t have any feelings? I am human so of course I have FEELINGS, I know how it is to have your heart ripped to one billion pieces and that is not a nice feeling, I do have cried over boys, everything you do!

That I am a attention seeker that just want the attention that’s why I want to deactivate my facebook, No that is not the reason I wanted to deactivate my facebook in april-june 2010 I don’t remember the months so good. But the reason was that it was so much trash talk on facebook, and people seemed to hate me, even those I thought I could trust on, and honest it has been showed that some of them I trusted in has been talking bad about me, behind my back honestly how many have been on my side.

That I have been cheating on my boyfriend, that is not true, to be honest I can tell you how committed I am to him, and how much I love him. He is the reason I smile, the reason I feel happy, and there is nothing more I want than to be his wife, and I would never ever cheat on anyone because it is better to just break up before you hurt the other person, Remember I have had my heart broken.

That I don’t trust in people, that is probably the only thing that is true as I don’t trust in people anymore I trust in a few people and I hope that they never ever will tell what I have told them.

That I am a whore, Okay for the first to be a whore I need to get money for sex, and honest I haven’t got money from sex ever. Yeah I do have sex with my bf and no one else so before you judge me I will say that.

To be honest I the list will go on and on, but the thing is that I know who has talked about me behind my back, and still you all would deny it if I ask you and I can only guess why you would deny it.

The thing is that I am sick of people that can’t stand for what they think and say! So please tell me what you have said instead because I wouldn’t get angry or sad, I would just be happy that you have told me the truth, because then I know for 100 % where you stand and what you think.

Honestly takes you future, if you want to ask me anything feel free to do it, even if you are afraid to hear the answer. 

trash talking

I have been a bit sad and upset today as I have been told, and they have been showing me what the other person has been saying about me, I know I should not care but I do as that person is someone that stands close to me, and I trust in that person so much but now it seems like all that the person thinks about me is just bad things :<

So apparently I lie 90 % of the time, and all I do is seeking attention, and that person doesn't want to be with me, honestly if this is how you feel about me why are you with me, why do you want me in your life?

Anyway, I really don't know what to do about that person at the moment as nothing seems right anymore, I feel completely alone and like my heart is broken to one million pieces.

People always seems to hate me, but they don't know me, so from now if you can't tell the truth you are out from my life and if you have been talking about me tell me now, if I find out it other way I will just be more sad.

Nothing seems like it goes in my way, can't wait until christmas when I can hug Michael so much as I really just need a big fat hug from him.

-Jo