Lying people

Today I am going to talk about lying people, as I know there are loads of them, that is one thing I actually am proud of saying I don’t tend to lie I always say the truth, you can ask me anything as I do stand for what I have said, so why should I be sorry if I have said something that made you get hurt, because I do mean things when I say them. Everyone should actually stand for what they have said. The truth always comes out later or sooner.

So the thing is why would people lie when you ask them one thing I mean if I am asking you have you been trash talking me, and you have done it, why not just say yes because you are annoying sometimes, you are a bitch sometimes, or even something else reason you have for talking about me behind my back, but thanks to every trash talk I have had I can say I would be rich as hell, because I know more than you all know, well I tend to know what people have said about me, I am not that blond that I don’t know, and you know what is best you don’t have a clue that I know really.

So I asked one person if she has been talking bad about me, and she said no, trust me I even knew that person has been talking trash about me yet the person denied it, well if I said what that person said to her she would know that others has shown me thing that I wasn’t supposed to see, or never find out, but guess what birds do spell out things, If I trash talk about anyone I make sure the other person never know who I am talking about as I know birds are talking, and yeah I do talk bad about some people, but those people have always been talking bad about me.

Well the huge difference is that if the people would live close to me I would punch them NOONE calls me a whore, that person would get the hardest punch ever, and I know that people don’t think I can hit but that is one thing I am good at, the only good thing by being bullied you learn to hit and fight and I am damn proud of my fights I have had, I have broke someone’s nose bone, I have kicked another person so bad that she broke her leg and had to change school, but they have always started and I have just protected me, so If you have been trash talking me you should probably run as fast as you can if you see me, as I would punch you, more or less I would actually make sure you know what I feel about the things you have told about me and what you have done.

Come on why do people actually bother to talk about me in that way, I mean I have been a whore, even thought I don’t take money for sex, as that is bad, I have not stole any boyfriends as you can’t control anyone else feelings, and how the hell can some people actually have been bother to say I have faked my feelings for Michael, there is one thing I really don’t understand they have totally lied about me, and that makes me think are you so good mate with me that you know what I think as the only person that knows what I think is ME, and no one else. The others just know what I decide to share with them, and I never hide that I am totally in love with Michael I have never done that, I even did one of the hardest thing ever but in the end it was worth it as him and me are so much closer. What I mean all those lies people has been telling about me actually made me closer to some people and some people I am so far as hell from as I don’t trust in them at all, they are only pretending to be my friend to get out something, maybe to destroy something what it is I will never know. But I know one thing and that is that I am happy and there is no way in hell you can make me sad or angry of your damn lies.

So there is one thing I do ask from you who has talked bad about me and that is to confess as that is the best for everyone, I would not get angry at you actually I would get more angry if you say I haven’t talked bad about you and then I find out you have, as that is low not to stand for what you have said and all that.

-Jo

What I have seen...

Today I will talk about one thing that actually bothers me more than anything and that is how hard it is to be a woman, oh yeah every boy mate I have don’t really know how painful it is to be a woman, and yeah we woman do over think everything, that is the only thing I do admire boys mate with that is that they don’t tend to over think anything and what they say they tend to do, in some strange way they mostly stand for what they have said and all that, but girls we don’t do that.

Well the first thing that I don’t like when it comes to a being a woman is the week we all have, that makes you feel so sensitive to everything, the only time I really don’t want my boyfriend to be squeezing my boobs, or him to tell me how beautiful I am because this is the time I don’t think I am that, I feel so ill and all I want to do is to be in bed crying feeling sorry for myself, the thing I am talking about is period, all girls have it well that is a lie if you have anorexia it goes away, or when you are mega fat then you can’t get it, but most woman do have it, but how many do actually have so much pain that they can’t move, when their boobs are sensitive, or when you feel like a balloon, we all feel so worse when we have it.

The other thing that complete sucks to be a woman is that we have to give birth to a kid, well I know it’s a miracle, but when you actually do give birth you have loads of pains, and to think that a kid can come out there is actually just giving me illness thoughts, as I know my whole body will change, but the thing that amaze me is that we tend to forget about the pains we feel as a woman, I can’t even remember how painful it was to break my ankle, when I think closely I can’t remember a shite about that, but I know it did hurt a lot as I cried when I got the hold of my brother to tell him that my foot was broken, well I don’t think he even heard what I said when I tried to explain for him that my ankle was broken, well I am amazed that we humans forget pain so fast.

Than to the thing that I actually do admire is that boys are so easy if you want to know if you look good, and all that, you should ask a boy mate as they always tells you the truth, girls mate don’t tend to do that as they want other girls to look bad so they would look better. I have lied so many times to my mates about their clothes. But they have always told me that I have been dressed like a sloppy sport person, oh yeah I loved to walk in adidas, nike and puma pants when I was younger, and I still love that, I don’t care if I look ugly as long as I am comfy I am happy, I hate jeans and tight trousers I have never liked them, and I will never like them. I rather go in a skirt or shorts, when I think about it when I was in high school I had more or less punk clothes on me as they were so comfy but only in school when I came home I changed clothes and just went out to run or stuff like that.  Anyway now I am off this subject complete I feel well the boy mates are so easy to hang out with they never tell you a lie well they probably do when you feel absolutely down.

Well I liked a boy in high school, and all my girl mates told me that he liked me but the boys mates they was cruel I remember what they told me, Johanna he don’t like you if he did he would have asked you out, honestly it was the hardest year in my school thing for one year I was in love with a him, that boy that actually was a mate, that I did talked to and he did talk to me too, he always made me smile and all that, then I remember in December on my own birthday he decided to tell me one thing, that was that he liked one other girl and that he wanted my help to hook them up, and all I did was feel dead inside but I did help him as I liked him and wanted him happy and everyone thought I was stupid but in my mind I thought he would see that I was the right person for him, and he to want me, but no he never saw me in that way. I know his girlfriend didn’t like that we were friends as she knew that I liked him I think everyone knew it even him but I never got him was so hard really was the worst year in the school but I had a good year, was so damn fun even if I was madly unhappy inl love.

The irony in this story was when we went to college and I had finally forgot about him that crush that I had in high school, and we went to the same party like one year after he totally destroyed my birthday he actually told me that he had feelings for me but then it was me who said I  am sorry I was madly in love with you in high school but now I am having a new one in my life that makes me smile that way you made me smile and the best thing is that he likes me back, but we all know that me and that boy never had a real relationship it was the sickest thing in my whole life, being with him but he being with so many others, I guess he only liked me in some ways, but not enough to just want to be with me.

I know that girls tend to get jealous, boys don’t, it would be fun to see for one time that a boy can be that jealous bitch as girls tend to be, or that they get so doubtful that they have to show it for people; I have never seen a boy be like that.

Girl’s talk trash behind your back, do they ever stop with that really?  I am happy I had mates that mostly was boys as they taught me one good thing in my life and that was to be honest no matter what, tell your girls mate to go to hell if they hurt you with the bullshite, I wish I could go back to high school being with all my mates and just have so much fun.

  

- Johanna

just something

I have started to think about life in general, what is the purpose with life, is it to have all the new things, to pretend to be happy when you are miserable? Honestly people always think I don’t have any kind of problems at all but that is so far from the truth as you can come really. I only hope that things will get better soon and when they have started to become better I will start smiling more and stop hiding pretending that I am so happy because in the dark when I am alone I actually cry more than you know. I have so many things that go in my mind, that it is so surrealistic to be me right now.

So people really think I am so happy, I might have a new phone, live in a good area, and everything but I feel so far from the real Johanna as I can be, I do love live where I live, but I really don’t like living here not here in Sweden not anymore, I wish that I can get enough money so I can buy a house, and start a complete new life with Michael, that is pretty much the only good thing in my life at the moment, I really don’t care where I live as long as it’s not here in Sweden I will miss things that we have in our country like when it starts to become spring and everything starts to get alive again, when you hear the birds sings, and then those lovely summer days where you can sit on the balcony and just relax and enjoy the summer nights, see the sunset go down, well I do miss when the sun doesn’t go down at all as I had when I lived in north Sweden it was so nice in it’s own way. Then when it become to come autumn and all colors go to red and yellow, nothing beats a nice sunny autumn, well summer do beat that, but my favorite time of year is autumn when you can see all those red colors, and yellow, when you walk outside enjoying the day, the only thing that sucks is that it gets darker and darker, and then you have a long wait when winter comes, and you are always waiting for the snow to come to light up the days. Anyway that is pretty much what I would miss from Sweden if I move from the country, but honestly I think our government is a joke, they just do one thing and that is to destroy a country that once was good to live in.

So where can I get that much money that I can pack everything and just start all over in my own house, with four bedrooms, a living room, dining room, a big kitchen and two bathrooms, and most of all a nice easy taken care garden, than my life would be perfect, to be looking out from the house, and all you can see is ocean, and a nice field then you can enjoy life to max, I really just want to go away from people they always want something from you, even if you help them the most of them don’t help you when you want  to have help. I really know what I want to do, and that is to open a own business and I know what kind of business too, but if I tell people what kind of business it is people would copy me, and then I wouldn’t get any profit and that would be bad for me, why do this world depends so much on money? I really have been thinking about that, why should everything be so damn expensive, are we going back to the 30’s and 40’s where you did everything on your own farm? Where you have a horse, cows, chickens and lambs and everything else? The weird thing is that I would love that life where you have to work as a farmer, I wouldn’t care about the smell or anything I would actually feel so free, that is so strange, that I would feel so free, when I do take care of the animals, grown my own strawberries, potatoes, salad and everything else you can grow, deep down I love the country but I do want to live close to the city so I can do shopping sometimes, but I would survive without it too, as long as I am happy with those people I have around me, and all I can see right now is that I would be extremely happy in the country house with a huge farm, I feel sorry for the other people Iive around they never  really understand my plans, or is it because I never have time to explain what I actually want?

Well I will write down a business plan, for my own company and then just hope for the best that I become successful, I know that is a bad thing to hope for but you should never stop dreaming as the dream is what takes you longer in the further.

Someday I will get everything I have always dreamed of, and that is a happy life, and a house close to the ocean and have a nice view that I would be looking at every day and just smile, and feel this is life.

“All our dreams can come true, if we have the courage to pursue them.”  -Walt Disney

-Jo 

R.E.S.P.E.C.T

So today I think I want to talk about things that people always tend to forget and that are respect, but what is respect?   

So I can say there are different things of respect I will talk about some of them that I actually have learn is respect in my so short life. 

When someone of your friends, family members and all that do one thing you should actually respect their opinion that they are doing the right choice for themselves, I always tell my mates to follow their heart in love otherwise they will regret it in the end that they never tried with that person, or even worse lose the special one. I know that I have been hurt, been kicked on when I am laying heartbroken, but in the end I have always grown as a human as a person. 

People always say I am a bitch or a bad person but am I? When I think back on the advice I have given have always been for the person that has come to me, even if I know I will be sad and all that I have always thought about the other person more than myself.  The only advice I actually don’t like that I have given is to one person but in the end the thing worked out for the best but the thing was that it was so hard to respect that persons choice, as that person kicked me out from everything even our friendship was out of safe, but in the end I did respect that persons choices, but I was a mess without that friendship, that was one of my closest friends, today we are friends again, and maybe more, I will not tell, no but the thing is that our friendship grow stronger, as we had to talk out about everything, and I got a big sorry, form the person in question, but that person never knew how much I did cry in my room, before bed time, how hard things was for me, and the hardest part was not to write hello how are you to that person, and when I saw that person be so happy with his/hers choice, but in the end I was right with everything, he/she wasn’t so happy as I though, somehow I knew that the person did the wrong choice and I am happy that the person realise his/hers own mistake.

So the other thing I have learn is to respect others feeling even if it’s hard and all that, but if you don’t respect what another person is feeling how can you be a good person to that person, let’s say for an easy example that two friends falls for the same boy, you actually have to respect your mates feelings as much as it kills you that she likes the same boy it’s as important that you support her, and all that, because you never know who the boy likes in the end. If he likes you more than your mate you she should respect that as much as you have to respect if he likes your mate more than you. I know it is the hardest thing ever. It actually kills you slowly when you see the person you like, like someone else than you. But if you can be the bigger person and be happy for them you are the one that wins in the end.

The thing is that there is so much you should respect but never do, as I want people to respect me as a person, as much as I want them to respect my choices, and most of all I do want girls to respect that have my boyfriend and he is not available, then I want people to respect that I am taken. 

So what more can I say about this, I am sorry if I haven’t respect your choices, what you want to do, and all that, and I am sorry if you feel like I have been flirting with your boyfriend or things like that.

I will end this blog with, I wish people would respect me and stop talking about me, and make up things, and create problems that actually isn’t a problem, and that you stop talking about me, as you don’t know me I promise you really don’t know me as everyone that knows me, says I am nice and always think of others before myself. But I will change and start to think about myself more than other, maybe than I will get people to listen to me?

-Jo