The real Johanna

The real Johanna, here you will get the real picture of who I am. Ha you all think you know me but you are so wrong, there is probably only three people that know me truly and one of them are my dad, I should probably listen to him more often than I do. Myself and Michael, that is really scare he knows me so good.

Anyway here is the real Johanna that you all think you know but don’t really know.

When it comes to trusting in people, I really don’t trust in so many as people always seem to show me their real side in some weeks, by talking trash about you, or talking behind your back. Okay I know you think I don’t know those things but hello I know as in some point everything comes out, it truly always comes out.

When I decided to  join facebook I really never thought it would be so much drama, I just thought it would be by meeting new friends, and all that, facebook is something I will always be happy to have had, as I found Michael there, but the other things I would just wanted to be without really.

Anyway people always break the trust but we are all humans, there for you should always give a person forgiveness and make them prove that they can change that they can be the better person, the one that really are there when you need someone to talk to, without telling thing to others., the one that you can rely on when you need someone, that you maybe not can talk to normally to as you are too close to them.

The thing that most people don’t know about me, is that I am really shy, I am so shy in real, that I am mostly quiet when I am with new people, if I haven’t drink something, then I talk and I talk lots then, you probably have to hit me on the head to get me quiet. When I am with my friends I talk more than anything, but the thing is that I don’t really don’t trust in them, only some few ones and they really never would break that bound that we have haha oh yeah we have a bound. They know when I don’t like a person, they know when I am about to hit the other one, and they know when I am about to just scream and tell them that I hate this world. Those are my real friends with the other people I am more of the one that listen to what they want to tell me and then just give them advice to what they can do.

The thing is that I always forgive people, no matter what they have done to me, I forgive them people can change, they can do mistakes, so can I as I am not perfect, but I can always say I am sorry for things when I know when I am wrong about things. I don’t really know why people think I talk so much trash about them as I never tend to do that, I always say what I feel about a person and if that person would ask me about it I would actually say that, as I stand for what I am saying, so If I say to someone that I don’t like you and you ask me I would actually say yeah that is true I don’t like you. But hello how can like everyone.

The things that I really like to do is to play games as than I don’t feel so alone as I more or less feel so alone, I don’t know why I feel so alone, but I think it has to be how my years in school has been, they are the reason I don’t trust in people, but it has taught me that you should be able to forgive people for what they have done to you. Even if it hurt lots still and will probably hurt a long time, but they can’t hurt you when you forgive them. That is true you take away the power from them to hurt you as a human being.

The thing is that people always say that I am a whore but do you know what a whore is? I mean than I can say that you are a whore when you work as you are selling yourself to the work place you are working in, but I don’t sell myself when I have sex with my boyfriend.  A whore is something that takes pay for sexual things, but if you call me whore from now on and you have a work think about it before you call me as you are selling yourself for money in some other way.

The thing is that I actually can count how many people I have kissed in my whole life, who I have had sex with and everything like that, and honestly I will tell you here because I know that some people are reading this blog that actually say that I have had sex loads but that is not true at all, I have had sex with 4 people, oh hurray that is so many I know! I have kissed 20 people there is people that has been in games like spin the bottle. Oh yeah how many have you been kissing, shagged with? Truly I take serious on things like that, the only time I don’t take serious about kissing is when we are playing spin the bottle but then we are just friends that are there.

When it comes to things that people might like me think that I am cute and that I really don’t believe in them as I am unsure about how I look, I don’t think I look “good”. That is the thing that has hurt me the most I have heard for most of my school time that I am ugly have a big nose, been to white whatever you can think about I have heard it, there for somehow my brain has been told that I am ugly and now I think that in some sick way, but that is one thing that I am working with to go away, as I don’t want to feel ugly always, I want to feel pretty and cute. Is there anyone that feels like that? And not feel like a complete mess?

I love things like swimming, and I really miss swimming and just be thinking that it is so peaceful to swim to the other end and then swim back to the other end. The thing is that I wish I could have more money so I can start swim again, as I feel useful there, not like I am shite and bad, there is something I am good at.

I can be jealous when I am in a relationship, because of how I feel of myself, and when I look at other woman, they look so perfect and I don’t look perfect, well is there anyone that is perfect, nope, there is no one that is perfect but you can learn to love yourself so you don’t freak out when your loved one is talking to someone else that isn’t you. I don’t care who my loved one are friends with but if I don’t like them I would not be with him when he sees them, easy salvation really.

The thing that I have learned to be is to be honest and stand for what you say, always be kind and all that, and if you want people to be that to you maybe you should be like that to them.  I want people to see me for who I am and not hear the rumors and trust in them ‘cause they are 99 % false and 1 % true.  So if you want to know anything about me ask me, as I know the answer no one else!

Oh damn this blog has been a long arsed one I can see in the words, but I don’t care! I am going to look forward for the future and try to let go complete of the past, I know I need help with that so if you want to help me tell me, would be glad for that. And I will end this one with only one thing.

It is so hard to write a blog when you really want to show people what you think and feel, but if you are reading my blog you really know more or less the real and true Johanna, how I am as a person and a human being.

Thank you for reading my blog, whoever you are thank you!

Xoxo Johanna