But I know what I will do at least today I will clean out my bookshelf as I will get a bed sofa from my sister. My friends say that I am spoiled maybe that is true maybe not, but I really don’t buy as much things as you think. The last thing I bought to myself was leggings, and they were cheap as hell as one pair here cost like £10 anyway that is the last thing I have bought myself.
That other thing that bugs me is the damn people that think they know me, really how many do know me complete? I guess there is just one that knows me as good as I do myself and it is Michael as I have open up myself to him, he knows how I am from the inside to the outside, somehow the hardest thing to do was to open up myself to anyone as If you know me I am totally fucked up with my thoughts.
People say I have a easy life but that is not true either, as I have as hard as anyone else in this world, okay I am born in the right place in this world, I have things yeah but things aren’t worth anything when you are alone and scared, I mean not for that I am that as I really have one that I share everything with, my home is his home. But the thing people don’t know about me is really easy I am scared of lots of things, I mean I am scared of the dark, that is the reason I sleep with the lights on and if they are off I hug my pillow more than anything as I am so scared, and when it is thunder outside I cry because I am so damn scared of it. I know it will not hurt me but I am scared and I have been that my whole life, and yeah I do blame my grandmother for that, silly as she was she was scared of it and she kept taking me to the closet when it was thunder outside when I was younger. It really don’t help that the lightning has hit our street more than one time, and that it seem to mess up my head.
What more can I say well life is something that you can think about for ages and forever to be honest, I am listen to Eric Saade at the moment a song called popular and why do people want to be popular? I mean I really don’t care if I am that or not, never really have cared about it. I remember how people mean has been to me, and it was those that were popular because I always stand for what I said and had on me. I mean when I went to my high school, I mostly was dressed like a snob and trust me it was snobby, but then on Fridays every Friday for three years I went with knee socks, short skirts and a white jumper on me, just because no one else had the guts to do it. I remember the boys went crazy over that tried to look under my skirt, but all I did was to be myself.
Or when it was hockey OS game when I went to 7 grade, 1998 oh damn I remember the happiness I had. Okay it was Sweden – Finland game and I knew I would be beaten up as I don’t cheer on Sweden as I am Finnish, anyway the whole school was in the aula as it is special game, in the end it was the crazy Johanna that jumped on the tables as Finland won the game, but I remember those that went to the ninth grade they told everyone that person that touch Johanna gets killed as they were proud of me for standing on my team, screaming and I was really happy, this is my best memory from my school time and it is a damn silly memory, but it was the only day that I didn’t get teased or bullied.
And this Sunday 15 May 2011 Finland won the gold medal in ice hockey world cup and I was jumping on my bed as one happy kid, I wrote to my dad text like the gold is ours, with tears in the eyes, it is so huge for me that we won the gold, but there are not so many that like that as we beat Sweden, I have always heard that I am bad because I love my own national team, but I am damn proud of being a supporter that is patriotic. My friends that thought that Sweden would win can just start crying, and I will ask you all how do it feel to be bad losers? Not even shaking hands with the Finnish players? Yeah and silly as the Swedish players are they throw away their SILVER medals, why can’t they be happy for a silver as everyone else would be?
Oh my god this blog post becomes a long one as I don’t use to write so long ones! Well I hope you have got me some bit anyway'
No comments:
Post a Comment