thoughts...

So what have I been thinking about today? Really nothing special there is the first lie today, well I have been thinking about loads things, but as people know I am extremely happy and that I have love to thank.

So what is so special with being this much in love is probably that you can go to that person and really tell everything and somehow they know what to say to make you smile again or even worse tell you that things will get better and they get better. Well I have been unhappy in love, I have had people hating me just because I did fall in love, I have been bullied I can count really many bad things that has happen to my life but no bad thing beats the good things I have had in my life, and do have in my life.

I have the worlds sweetest fiancée and he really makes me smile, so when I sit on meetings I tend to daydream about the big day that will come, yeah the thing is that I can’t really concentrate concretely I feel so young when I think about the things I think sometimes, but really I should listen to the meetings but they tend to be so boring that I just keep daydreaming of better things.

I know that people always say that you are too young to have felt how it is to get your heartbroken, yeah I actually got told that today by an old lady, and all I said to her, I did get my heart broken. I really have had my heart broken, and when I think about that period of my life I really just wanted to be in bed, crying and make myself go away from this earth, yeah I really had lots of thoughts, but then I had some friends that helped me maybe not in the best way but they did help me in their own way. Jonas the idiot helped me realise that you have to be yourself every single time. Some other made me realise that if that person can’t see how wonderful, loving I am he isn’t worth me, the thing was not that I did get my heart broken it was the people that was around the thing, that knew I was heartbroken and they didn’t help me at all.

Now those people say they helped me realise that the person didn’t love me, he hated me, oh yeah I remember those words you said. Life has many surprises and I am thankful for that. When you have got your heartbroken truly you really start thinking in a different way, as my mates tells me Johanna you are the strongest, most ego stubborn person I know, if you say that you will get something you will get that, as you never give up. I guess that is true in some ways, the only thing I can think of is that I am actually so proud of who I am. If I say something I actually mean it, I hate people that aren’t honest.

So even if bad things happen they have a reason, every bad thing that has happen has made me so much stronger, even the heart broken made me so much stronger. When I think back I am happy I got to have that, as it was the reason I found myself I was a bit lost, thanks to so many reasons, but why the hell did I get so hated or what you want to call it.

That is something I have been thinking about maybe it is because I am honest that I tell what I think and act like I say? Or are people just jealous that I smile no matter what and really don’t pay that much attention okay I know that I do pay attention but I don’t show it out, as I never ever want someone to use my weakness, as I do have those too, and that is one thing I learn to not show when I got bullied, not to show how you feel in the end.

The thing is that I have a new life to plan, well what I mean with new life is that I am going slowly to start planning my life with Michael, the wedding, but even more things to come, and honestly I can’t give a shite about you who talks shite about me, that think that I stole someone, that I am not in love, all those things are anyway false.

Always dream because one day it will come true somehow everything is turning out to the best thing in the end. 

-Johanna