Well today when I came to the hospital they took an EKG and it looked good at least, so that is good news for me because I am a heart patient. Then they put me to the machine I have now haha so I have been walking most of the day.
But I have been really lucky today I have got a free haircut but I don’t think no one has notice it. The funny thing is that it is like 10 cm that is gone from the hair so it’s so much shorter than it was before! Then after my damn hair cut I went to eat and strangely my heart fucked up really big time cause it felt like someone was trying to kill me with knifes when the heart beat, and I was almost crying that is really bad cause then I know it is bad since I feel the pain.
The thing is that no one can really help me because no one really knows how I feel when I feel the pain, or how I feel about the heart disease I have. I have never ever really talked with someone about it, I always say I am okay, but I am not okay. The thing is that someone asked me how it feels to have a heart disease today. I can’t be the person that answers that since I was born with it and I have had it all my life. It would be like me asking someone how does it feel to be healthy and don’t have anything that is wrong, for me it is normal to have a bad heart.
The worst thing is that I don’t have anyone that I can talk to because they don’t know how it feels to have a bad heart, to have the wrong beats, to cry because you have pain. I would change my life with anyone that has a healthy heart that doesn’t have the pain I have. I only think people that has had something really bad like cancer, liver disease will understand what I am talking about but they can’t understand me fully as I can’t understand them because we have everyone different stories to tell, all we can understand is the time you have to put in your life to the hospitals, the time you had after the operation. Trust me it sucks, you can’t go to the bathroom, to pee you need to lie down and pee trough something. I do remember everything but I don’t talk about it because it is too painful I would start to cry if I talk about it.
Well I will upload a picture so you can see some parts of the machine I have and the new haircut. oh yeah I cant have a ordinary bra >_<
Take care people you don’t know how good life you have if you are healthy and don’t have anything wrong with you, so stop complain I would be happy if I was healthy. I am just happy to be alive and have someone to love, and have someone that loves me back.
BAJBÖ, I LÖVE YOU!
/Johanna
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