Oh well I have been alone for some days now, without anyone to talk to today, well I mean with voice not type, anyway I feel so alone, I can’t like talk about what bothers me, and that is any things today.
First of all I realize that it is really boring to be here at my parents house, I really like that you have nature close but the thing is I don’t want to go out alone as you might met a moose or other things that might attack you and yeah a moose has actually chased me to a tree once so I have respect for them these days.
The friends I have here don’t want to be with me, as they think I am well how do you say this mean, as I never care about their problems, like they have, more or less they always fight with people and if the truth shall come out I don’t want to be dragged in those problems as they will blame everything on me, some how they always do that.
How can you change your feelings, like when you feel alone? I don’t want to feel alone, but somehow I feel extremely alone, that is probably the worst feeling ever, I miss my parents, my unlce, I miss people, I really need to talk just talk about everything and nothing, I know that it is bad but hey, I am a person that loves to talk and I don’t know why but I will alwas love to talk.
What can I do, clean, have done it already, be with the cats that ignores me, oh I don’t want to make them be with me, but soon I will have to bug them so I can feel some love from someone, at least they don’t say that they hate me or make me feel alone they just don’t want to be with me, as everyone else in this place I am in.
The only person that wants to be with me lives a million kilometers away from me, and that is bad as I can’t go there to hang out >.<
Well that is how I feel today extremely alone, oh well I wanted to talk about something else so I will do that for a change and put a arse long post today just because I feel so damn alone so I don’t have anything else to do!
I want to talk about friends as this have made me think what a friend is..
We can start what I want in a friendship, that is honesty and for once I wish someone can just be honest with me, like not lie behind my back, talk trash about me, is that to much to ask for!
I want someone that actually can call me, and so I don’t have to be the one that calls everytime I have one mate that actually have been saying this to me, You never call me and when I ask her why should I be the one that always call? The answer I got from her was that it is to expensive to call me, oh hello it is as expensive for me to call you as it is for you to call me! You are just an idiot that actually are to greedy.
Than there is something that really bugs me and that is isn’t a friendship, where two people work so it should work? Oh it seems like I am the one that always works for so the friendship should work, I am so sick of the friends I have here, and somehow I know I will not get new ones as I am way to fucked up in my head, I can’t talk with “new” people I am shy, I don’t like to talk with people that I don’t know. I don’t know how to talk to people that I don’t know?
That is why it is so easy to talk to people that I have on fb, and msn as I don’t have to show how I look, or even better what I like, how I am as a person, the only people that knows how I am as a person is the people that have met me for real, that have seen how I am.
I mean when I am out, like in the clubs, I do miss if guys flirt with me, I don’t see what they do, and somehow those I am out with says how the hell can you miss that he flirt with you it is so obvious that he is doing that.. erm I don’t know it seems like I don’t work social as I am so shy, I don’t like things that other people do..
Lets see what do I like really, I like to draw when no one sees me doing it, I can’t draw when people sees me do it. I love to play games, and trust me I am a bad bad bad loser and I scream to much when I am about o lose, ask anyone of my mates. I like to swim, that makes me think more or less it is so good to be in the water. What more do I like to do I love to watch sports on telly, simpsons, family guy, South park and some other shows.
Anyway I think this is enough now I have moaned enough.
Well I hope my friends wakes up and see that I am a person that have feelings.
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