I have been thinking lots about love, what is love, is it good or is it bad? Is it good to be unhappy in love? Things like that and even wedding things.
So lets me start to define love from my point of view, this is what I feel and no one else, maybe I should make clear of that, as some people has said I just feel like others, like big thinkers like Aristotle’s, Plato and even Socrates. Well now to this blond chick that has her own thoughts and things like that, even if I do read lots from great thinkers, but that doesn’t matter that I do agree with them.
My point of love is really strange and really easy according to me, you should not tell I love you if you don’t love the person, I mean even if the other person tells you I love you, doesn’t have to be that you love the other person, right? Not in the same way that he/she loves you! I am proud of myself I have actually never over used I love you to a person, and right now I feel proud of me. There has only been one person I truly have meant I love you to and that is Michael. I don’t know but it has taken me ages to realise what love is about, and what I think love is about. It has taken me over 26 years to figure out what it is about.
Love is something you share with another person that feels the same to you, even if you have a bad day, when you are sad, the person that you love and share this with, you should always be able to talk about anything and everything, with him/her, and know that he will not judge you. Even if you are sad this person can make you smile like a little goof, the little goof you never thought you could become, the person that actually feels like a helpless kid, that everyone can read. You get shy without knowing why. That is what love is about, for me, when you feel absolutely lost, right and so complete in the same time, I know a weird point of view. But hey it is me we are talking about!
The thing is that I think that both kinds of loves is a good thing, the unhappy love that is not responded makes you dream about things you might don’t dream when you are happy in love. Sometimes you tend to dream more happy thoughts when you are unhappy, as you are trying to delude yourself that the other person is in love with you, but you really know deep down that he/she isn’t in love with you. I am not here to judge anyone as I think unhappy love is a good thing, but it is really painful when you realize the truth and get sad, but somehow you know what you want in a relationship in the true love that you are looking for, yeah we are humans everyone and we all are looking for the perfect one. When you have the happy love you start to think about things that you never have thought about before, like family and kids, and even weddings, even thought girls tend to dream about their dream wedding since they have been kid. Well at least I have dreamed about my dream wedding and somehow I know I will get it, even if I have to make some changes, but somehow people don’t get how it feels when they are trying (even if it is a joke) to make you change your plan. For me it feels like they don’t give a shite of my feelings, the worst part is that it actually hurts lots, I have thought about how I want my wedding a long time, and honest if people say that I want another thing they actually PUSH me far away from my loved one, as he get to hear all my mood swings thanks to all of you who try to make a so Good joke as you define it!
My wedding shall be a celebration of love, between me and my husband to be, and I will not start to plan before I’m engaged, as right now it just feel so long time away, I know I will get married but when I do get married I know it will be the best day of my life. Even if you all don’t believe in me when I say this I want my other half to be as involved as I am in that, I want to hear what he wants, the only thing I know is that I want roses in my bouquet and I hope that my other half want that, but the thing is that I still dream about a damn romantic wedding, and it shall be perfect. Oh well I hope it will be just perfect.
The thing is that when you have figure out what love is about you really learn that some things aren’t that important, like how you want everything to be complete right and complete like you want it, you learn that you have to make compromises as the other half has his/her views, and that is the hardest thing to do according to me. Just thinking about when I will move in with my other half as I know how my flat is now, kinda girly or well pretty much everything is from IKEA and I love my Malm serie, but what if he don’t love it? What if he want a new bed? A new sofa? A new table? All I know is that I have to let him put his things here too as it will be his home too.
The other thing is why should I try to make everything perfect when they never tend to be perfect? I want things to be easy, no fucking drama, no persons that makes me in a bad mood, I want to smile every single day, but that is impossible when I think about things, what if I get married in English, my dad doesn’t even understand English, he don’t like to fly, he is a typical finnish person, that only knows finnish, Swedish and German. I would love to have my granddad on my wedding, but that will not happen as he is in heaven looking down on me, I know people don’t get when I say this, I would love my nan’s to be there but if they is gonna come, I have to get married close to them, as one is really bad condition she can’t fly, or sit in a car for a long time, my other nan is over 90 years old, to be honest I know that my wish can’t come true, as they will not be on my wedding. All I want is for people to stop nagging how my wedding is going to be or where it is going to be, as it only brings me to bad mood, as I know I can’t get people I want there. I will only invite REAL friends, family and I hope that my other half wants that and honest why would I want to have any other there?
I will not go on anymore, I will end this with a tear for all those that I actually miss more than I can say, I love my grandpa, I love my nan’s but the missing part of granpa is the worst, it has gone so long time, but it feels like it was yesterday he was there hugging me, giving me advice..
-Johanna
No comments:
Post a Comment