This is me

This is me, the real Johanna that some of you have seen the person that actually do have feelings that smiles to silly things, that cries to some things that you wouldn’t cry to, well I am here to remind you all if you who the real Johanna is.

So here is the truth of the complicate Johanna that doesn’t like to open up to people, that doesn’t trust in many people in this world, that misses some people more than anything but realise she will never get them back. Here is the truth about me and my feelings, my thoughts and everything, so if you haven’t heard it from me you have the false information.

So what can I say about myself really that you don’t really know about me probably a lot of things, I am not the nicest person ever, I am not perfect I am pretty mean when it comes to things. I wouldn’t borrow you money never mind, give you things when you really need them, never borrow out a game, movie or things like that, and if you get to touch my things you are lucky and if I share my crisps with you it only means I like you as a person. So the thing is that you pretty much think I am so nice to people not really I tend to tell you the truth even if it is painful and all that, I am not ashamed to tell you if I know that a person hates you, to your face done it many times, and to be honest that makes me feel so good too, just to tell you the damn truth.

Don’t come to me if you have fucked up, if you AREN’T family or a really close person to me, because I would never in hell help you because I would just tell you move on, because that is what you have to do really it is the only thing that makes everything easy. If you know you have done something wrong, why don’t you try to fix it in the end it’s only you who can do it.

So what more can I say I do cry to some things, and I have feel real pain, I am glad I have had my past when I think about it really has made me stronger and has made me realise that if you are backstabbing people they will just backstab you back, and to be honest I am so happy I have had Kim as my mate he was the person that taught me that if you are honest they can’t come to you and say that you have been lying,  because than you know that you have been telling the truth all along and the most important thing is that you stand for what you have been saying, I mean if I say that I don’t like one person to one and she tells that person that I don’t like him/her, I have to stand for that, otherwise I am just a backstabbing bitch in the end, and that is not what I want to be, or want to become.

Anyway those I care about know me like an open book they hear if I try to lie, they know when I am sad, when I am hurt, when I feel down, but they also feel love in my eyes, without me telling them every day I love you, because in my eyes you see a lot of things, and even how I speak and how I react to things. 

So when I say I am scared about things I am that, I am scared of letting people in my life as I know most of them really just don’t care about me as a human, all they want is to use me for things, like getting close to someone else, or something like that. I am scared of talking about myself as I am afraid people will think I am selfish and just feel sorry for myself. I rather speak about things that don’t make me think about myself, I am sick and tired of hearing about myself and things people has made up about me. Honestly if you really do think I am retarded, an idiot, mean, nice, whore etc why the hell not tell me instead of telling others and then deny the things when it comes up to the things? Do like me tell the truth and say yeah I think you are an idiot because you act like that, or something like that.

So the reason I help you and all that is because I am good at seeing what you should do, if you are heartbroken all I can tell you is that I know how that feels as I have been it myself and tell you it will go over but it will take time, and what more can I say about myself loads of things, but one thing is sure I am damn proud of myself, I never hide the truth about things, and if you ask me I would tell you what I think and all that. So if you are heartbroken MOVE ON, that is all I would say, because it is clearly that the boy doesn’t like you, and if you are getting used by other boys just move on because he is just USING you and you are the one that gets hurt, honestly I can tell you the truth but it hurts..

So if you want to know who the real Johanna is you have to have patience as I don’t trust in people, but when you are my friend I would help you no matter what.

-       Jo