The scary thing: Love

This one topic is the hardest thing ever to write about, mostly because I have tell my feelings to someone else but in the end when you have open up yourself you feel proud and happy about yourself, the most scary thing is that the other person doesn’t have the same feelings as you have.

Well to make any sense because it’s my brain we will try to get down!

I will start with my ex boyfriend that I had, I really have realize that I never loved him, so now to the big question why I was together with him? I was with him mostly because everyone else wanted me to have someone! The worst part in this is that I was with him because my so called friend wanted me to be with him, okey I do regret being with him because I didn’t love him, I regret that I told him that I love him, because those words are something you should mean with the whole heart before you telling them. I know who many people have told I love you and never meant it; I have not my proudest moment ever! I wish really that I can go back in time and change some things that would be one of the things.

The thing is that I learned lots about not being in love and how it was to be humiliated since he cheated on me really much. That was the thing that made me close my heart and I tried to close the heart so no one could hurt me or humiliate me ever again. But I also made a huge list what a guy should have so I never had to fall in love. I know it sounds crazy but it’s true!
I am will tell you what was on the list, because then people will understand how sick the list was in the first place.

- Born 1980-1984
- He should have blond hair, blue eyes
- He should be rich like a billionaire ( I am ashamed about that, because money isn't everything)
- He should have an athletic body
- He should be 180 cm tall or taller
- He should be nice, handsome, sexy, make me feel good
- He should be romantic

There are some of the things in the list and I know that it’s bad because no one in this world can be that dream boy I wanted to have!

But anyway then I slowly started to fall in love with a boy, trust me I didn’t realize that I started to fall for that boy, if I had realize it I would have run the other way, and hide. It was really scary to tell him what I felt mostly because I was really scared he wouldn’t feel the same, but somehow I was really lucky because he felt the same things. He also taught me what love is about, how you should be to someone else, and when I told him I love you, trust me it felt so easy, and people that know me in real life really know that I am scared of telling those words.

I really don’t know what more I should say about love, mostly because I don’t want to open up myself more then I have done.

I mean there are lots of different loves I will go in to that someday I think.

Anyway thanks for reading this shite as I call it…