the blond brain how it works.. somehow...

Jag hade tänkt reda ut lite saker om mig, jag vet att folk inte bryr sig vem jag är eller så men nu är jag trött på att folk inte känner mig, och dömer mig för den jag är. Jag hade tänkt skriva detta på engelska så de som inte förstår engelska ledsen!

Here we go, I know this will be many wrongs here but I don't give a shite cause this is the truth about me, myself and my thoughts...

As you all know my name is Johanna Maria Pyykkö, I have always hated my name because I got so much bullied when I was younger for everything. but today it’s really nice to have a name that not so many people has, but I am sick that ADULTS still bullies me because I am who I am. Anyway this will be no name because people that read it will know if it’s them I mean or not!

So now to the things I want to straight out, people don’t think I am shy so now to that part I am really shy. I really don’t talk to many people cause I can’t find the words to talk to new people because of my past. People have always made sure that I have been the outsider, but then I have had some friends that made my world great by just being there for me but they don’t really know how bad I felt, mostly cause I never ever talk about my feeling so whatever, it’s to private to talk about..

People seems to call me a whore but that’s the thing I can actually count on one hand how many people I have had sex with, and I am sick that people tell me other things! Oh yeah we call Johanna a whore cause she has had sex with 3 people -.-‘ that’s not fair and the other thing is that people sees me as a failure cause I have only had one boyfriend in my past! Now to that boyfriend he was shite I can agree on that but if I didn’t have had him I wouldn’t know what I was looking for in a guy so I should really thank him for showing me what I don’t want to have in a guy!

I know people think I am hot and sexy and cute but the thing is that I don’t think that about myself and that’s because it’s a huge issue in my head people told me that I was ugly for so many years that my brain thinks I am that. Nothing wrong with that! Yes it is cause for one time in my life I want to feel beautiful and loved and I do that thanks to one wonderful person that really has taught me what love is about. So I really want to thank him for having the patience with me because I know I am a hard complex person that has hard to speak what I feel really.

Then to the friends, if you are my friend you wouldn’t make me feel bad and say things like, for an example, I don’t get how you can have a boyfriend and have boys after you because I am hotter then you in every way. If you feel like that then don’t tell me because it makes me so sad inside that you that is my friend that tells me that. I wish I could do magic so I can make everyone happy but I can’t, I need to concentrate on myself for once and that person I love! Not on the plague that the friends are somehow..

For once I think I should be happy mostly cause I have never been so happy as I am today and trust me my life sucks basically more than anything I don’t have a work or the brains to get one because I don’t do well with other people mostly cause I have other thoughts then they and think in a different way.

But the thing I never talk about is how I feel, so I will try to tell you all so you don’t have to ask me how I feel and sneak about it! I am scared to death that I need an new operation on the heart and no one really understands how it’s to have the same thought every day I know I am ill I can’t help it if I get a cold that I just want to be in bed because I can’t get up from the bed, I just wish people would think more than they do! They tell me things that make me think more then I should I should try to concentrate on what’s best for me! Then people think somehow that I don’t get hurt I do I am a human for fuck sake! Everyone gets hurt when people are mean to you! I am good at ignoring things but it kills me every time people say something bad, but I also know that I am way better than them mostly because I try to be nice to them even if they hate me or dislike me!

I know for a fact if you want to change your life with me than I would say no because I do love to be myself and have my thoughts, I like math, space, sports, shopping, I love to be blond and blue eyed I love to be the person that doesn’t think too much just to do the things I want to do! I know I analyze things way too much but hey I think everyone would do that if they have been in the same situation that I have been in. I don’t trust in so many people because they always fail to earn the trust by talking trash behind my back.

This is the real Johanna, or maybe just 10 % of her, if you do want to get to know me doesn’t try to be someone you aren’t because that is just wrong!

/ Johanna