Well today I have been pretty dumb, well when am I smart anyway?
Well today I decided to go to the beach with Michael and guess what, two hours there is a bad idea when your name is Johanna, as I burned my shoulders, and back and some part on my face, and I wasn’t there so long time, and I rarely get burned so the sun had to be strong. Why the hell didn’t I have sun lotion with me?
Now mike is messing with my writing skills here on word, as how it should look like ¬¬ boys!
Anyway what did we do on the beach we went to look for some shells and I found some nice ones, and than we saw some jellyfish red ones bad thing, don’t want to walk on them as they burn you.. Well the thing is that I never felt the sun burning on me when I was there but honest I love to be outside so I don’t care what can really happen, erm skin cancer oh well if I get that, I know it was meant to happen to me anyway.
Well I don’t know what to think or say as the shoulders is still in some pain but as much as they where before, at least I will be brown soon, wohooo I love to be brown as it feels like you have been more outside than you actually have been.
Well this will be a short blog as I am tired, Adios readers.
Tuesday, 14 June 2011
Saturday, 11 June 2011
Road trip to Spain
oh okay I will write my awesome trip to Spain while I hear my boyfriend singing you've only won it three times about Man Utd ¬_¬
It starts in sweden what can I say about that it is a really boring motorway to helsingborg from gothenburg, nothing nice to see than it is the same with denmark until you get to the bridge that takes you to the main land in denmark as you go over the sea so there you can see at least water..
Well Germany is a nice country but all I can say dont go during day there oh jeez the roads are a mess on the day one time we went on the day, and we got stuck in Frankfurt for 4 hours in traffic and that was not funny, well I only drive through Germany to luxembourg and there we actually just fuel the car to go to lyon, in France to sleep over the night, France has one good thing as you have to pay on the motorway, good job opportunity for sweden, I will tell you all why I want that in sweden, as the tourist that goes with the cars will be supporting our motorways too not ourselves.
well lyon is a nice city but the french people are strange not speaking english and i dont know so much french just really bonjour, and merci oh yay me. Could be worse I could be with Michael there him screaming ENGLAND ENGLAND ENGLAND oh trust me I see that in my head!
anyway the best view is the Pyrenees I dont know what to say really as it is breath taking, really beautiful seeing high mountains, on your both sides while you are driving beside them, oh I love that sight I really should try to find a picture someday of that to show you all, well spain is a beautiful country but it takes really 2 days to go there with the car, as it is so far away..
Well I dont know what to say any way about the road trip as I cant think to much, have to much to think about, as the views in wales, really nice a hill up and a hill down, the ocean, mmm me going to those beaches next week!
See ya later!
It starts in sweden what can I say about that it is a really boring motorway to helsingborg from gothenburg, nothing nice to see than it is the same with denmark until you get to the bridge that takes you to the main land in denmark as you go over the sea so there you can see at least water..
Well Germany is a nice country but all I can say dont go during day there oh jeez the roads are a mess on the day one time we went on the day, and we got stuck in Frankfurt for 4 hours in traffic and that was not funny, well I only drive through Germany to luxembourg and there we actually just fuel the car to go to lyon, in France to sleep over the night, France has one good thing as you have to pay on the motorway, good job opportunity for sweden, I will tell you all why I want that in sweden, as the tourist that goes with the cars will be supporting our motorways too not ourselves.
well lyon is a nice city but the french people are strange not speaking english and i dont know so much french just really bonjour, and merci oh yay me. Could be worse I could be with Michael there him screaming ENGLAND ENGLAND ENGLAND oh trust me I see that in my head!
anyway the best view is the Pyrenees I dont know what to say really as it is breath taking, really beautiful seeing high mountains, on your both sides while you are driving beside them, oh I love that sight I really should try to find a picture someday of that to show you all, well spain is a beautiful country but it takes really 2 days to go there with the car, as it is so far away..
Well I dont know what to say any way about the road trip as I cant think to much, have to much to think about, as the views in wales, really nice a hill up and a hill down, the ocean, mmm me going to those beaches next week!
See ya later!
Monday, 30 May 2011
just to much to think about
Those people that knows me really good knows that I too much time about thinking about things is not good, well here I have so much time to think, and it seems like my brain never stops to think these days.
Well I think about the future and lots about it, more than anyone really realizes I do want to do things and to make them happen I have to start doing things this year, I remember one promise I have with my mate a male mate, that if I am not married when I turn 30 I will get married to him, as I want a family in the end but I don’t want the family before I am married.
Well I have started to think about my heart to really much, as you all know I was born with a hole in my heart and that has made me think about things that I might not be able to do. I mean the doctors don’t want me to get kids, and all I want is to have a kid I want that more than I want to become a lawyer and that is really my biggest dream. I get tears in my eyes when I think that I might not be able to get kids, as I want that, I really want to become a mother even if that will become my death I want a kid, that I have given birth to, one that I will love more than my own life. I know you all want me to be alive but I will not be alive when I see all my friends be so happy when they become mothers, they all say to me that I should do that too. Well I don’t know if I can become a mother and that is the only thing that I think about at the moment, more than anything.
I know I have changed so much as I have always said I don’t want kids, not get married, I have always wanted to die alone and be alone, but I have changed I want all of that now! I know for a fact that I probably need a new operation but I am totally scared of doing one as I have one picture in front of my eyes, you will not know how it feels to have seen your own heart through a mirror to have been awake when they cut in you to try to help you, I know they helped me as I am alive, but the memories will not fade away they seems to get stronger I don’t know I have pushed them away for so long time but now I see them crystal clear, that is the thing I see in front of me before I go to bed and I wake up and remember them, I don’t want to remember those things but now I remember all the pain, the things I have seen, I don’t want to remember, there is no one that can help me. As no one understands how it feels to have seen those things, I really wish I never woke up that the doctors made me sleep longer, but they did some mistake as I woke up while I was open.
The scars are deeper than anyone knows about. I really don’t know what to do as they will not fade away!
I am lucky to be alive as I would have been gone if I never did the first operation. But if I could have chosen I wouldn’t want to do it, the memories are too painful. I don’t get why people want to be me as they don’t have a clue how it is to be me, I have an easy life is what you see, but you don’t think about the other things, I have a bad heart, I am scared of things you don’t think about, I am freaking out I have too much time to think!
All I can think about is something I don’t want to think about, I am going crazy and I can’t talk with anyone about it.
Well I think about the future and lots about it, more than anyone really realizes I do want to do things and to make them happen I have to start doing things this year, I remember one promise I have with my mate a male mate, that if I am not married when I turn 30 I will get married to him, as I want a family in the end but I don’t want the family before I am married.
Well I have started to think about my heart to really much, as you all know I was born with a hole in my heart and that has made me think about things that I might not be able to do. I mean the doctors don’t want me to get kids, and all I want is to have a kid I want that more than I want to become a lawyer and that is really my biggest dream. I get tears in my eyes when I think that I might not be able to get kids, as I want that, I really want to become a mother even if that will become my death I want a kid, that I have given birth to, one that I will love more than my own life. I know you all want me to be alive but I will not be alive when I see all my friends be so happy when they become mothers, they all say to me that I should do that too. Well I don’t know if I can become a mother and that is the only thing that I think about at the moment, more than anything.
I know I have changed so much as I have always said I don’t want kids, not get married, I have always wanted to die alone and be alone, but I have changed I want all of that now! I know for a fact that I probably need a new operation but I am totally scared of doing one as I have one picture in front of my eyes, you will not know how it feels to have seen your own heart through a mirror to have been awake when they cut in you to try to help you, I know they helped me as I am alive, but the memories will not fade away they seems to get stronger I don’t know I have pushed them away for so long time but now I see them crystal clear, that is the thing I see in front of me before I go to bed and I wake up and remember them, I don’t want to remember those things but now I remember all the pain, the things I have seen, I don’t want to remember, there is no one that can help me. As no one understands how it feels to have seen those things, I really wish I never woke up that the doctors made me sleep longer, but they did some mistake as I woke up while I was open.
The scars are deeper than anyone knows about. I really don’t know what to do as they will not fade away!
I am lucky to be alive as I would have been gone if I never did the first operation. But if I could have chosen I wouldn’t want to do it, the memories are too painful. I don’t get why people want to be me as they don’t have a clue how it is to be me, I have an easy life is what you see, but you don’t think about the other things, I have a bad heart, I am scared of things you don’t think about, I am freaking out I have too much time to think!
All I can think about is something I don’t want to think about, I am going crazy and I can’t talk with anyone about it.
Sunday, 29 May 2011
My time with Michael or some of it :D
I will actually write about something some people wonder about, and I know you all wonder what actually happen in Liverpool when I was there, and how I felt as I have been quiet about it.
Well here is the story about my trip my feelings and how fun I had over there, as I learned new things, as cooking on gas!
This story starts on a Tuesday around 7 am on the airport in Landvetter, I remember that I was so nervous that I had to call a mate that calm me down, mostly because I hate to fly but also to meet Mike and Georgie, yeah I was nervous. Well I went on the plane and falled asleep while I was in the air woke up like 11.50 am, when I felt complete lost and gone tired what more can I say when I was in Manchester Airport. Well the thing was when I was waiting on them I was so nervous like what if they can’t find me. Well when they came I was a bit nervous still but they were as crazy as always.
Well it was really nice to be sitting there and waiting for the bus to take us back to Liverpool, but mostly because I started to talk there, was fun in some ways, how the shy person as I am started to talk more than I should have done. Well when we came home to Mike, it was so nice it felt like a home, and what did we do the first night we actually went to bed and slept well I saw his sister well I was too tired to think to be fair. Well all I know was that we kissed lots and it was so nice to fall asleep in his arms that were a nice feeling.
Then the second day we went out and we had a nice time, then I saw his family like grandmother and granddad and guess who went really shy and quiet yeah me, but I think the dog liked me as he played a bit with me. It was really nice to see his family they were nice, we at dinner there I know and I was so full I felt like I would explode. But they funny thing was that I probably saw everyone else before I saw his dad, but when I saw him I wasn’t as shy as I have been with the others. Strangely it felt so easy to talk to his dad; he even made me breakfast one day, and Sunday dinner.
Well back to Michael again, as this blog will be about, everyone that knows me really knows I don’t like hugs, and things like that but when I think about it I always fall asleep in his arms, and I slept like an angel, and when he took away the arms from me I made sure they came back, as I took them back. Every morning we kissed each other as a good morning, and well we did other things but we don’t have to talk about them here, as they are a bit private. But the thing was we where gonna watch a movie called war/ Rogue Assassin but I was so tired that I fall asleep and when the movie was done Mike woke me up as he needed to take away the lap top but I fall asleep as fast as I woke up, and I could feel how he put his arm around me gave me a kiss and then fall asleep on his own.
The thing was that I woke up sometimes in the night just to say I love you to him, and tell him how much he means to me, and all he did was smile, I guess he never heard what I said but he slept like and angel, so peaceful and so handsome as he is. Oh it was so nice to feel him and just to be there in his bed, in his arms.
The only thing that was awkward was when we were in Wales to see is aunt with his grandparents as I got so shy, poor Mike, he tried to hug me while we watch Harry Potter but somehow I did not notice that and was like no not now. I don’t think we even kissed in front of them; I am a shy person when it comes to the end, and well all I can say is that I felt so right even if I was so far from home.
When I was with Michael I knew I was with the right person, even if I feel lost all I have to think about is him to find the right place, and when I am sad I just think about what we did when we where complete silly with each other and I smile wider than ever, when I feel angry I just take back the feeling when he hugs me and says I love you Johanna, always remember that, and when we kissed my world stopped, I think my heart beats one million times faster. I am so in love with him, he is always on my mind, and the thing was even if I live here and he there I never wanted to go home. When I left him it felt completely wrong and I almost cried when I saw what he had left me for messages in my book I got from him.
Well there is one thing his dad knows and that is that Me and Mike will get married, as he asked him that when I sat beside them in the middle and Mike said yeah her I am gonna marry, his dad just smiled. Then he tried to figure out what I was talking to with my sister as we type in Swedish, I don’t think it went so good, but he smiled and said that I type too fast for him.
Blowfish I love you so much and honest all I want is to sleep beside you and feel your arms around me just one more time, as everything feels so right than, even if everything is wrong.
And the time over there was the best days in my life in years, honest I felt so home and so loved from him, and his family was really amazing and I hope they like me, hard to say if they like me or not, but it seems like they like me as much as I like them.
This blog post has been fun to write about as when I think about the time I don’t want to share so much and that, because if I share everything I know you all want him, as he is so wonderful and I don’t lie when I say he is the best person in this world, so kind so loving.
I even sleep beside the teddy he gave me, as it reminds me of him and I have his chain around my neck and I always think about his wonderful eyes before I go to bed, as I fall in love so much again. Well this is all I am gonna say today.
/Johanna
Well here is the story about my trip my feelings and how fun I had over there, as I learned new things, as cooking on gas!
This story starts on a Tuesday around 7 am on the airport in Landvetter, I remember that I was so nervous that I had to call a mate that calm me down, mostly because I hate to fly but also to meet Mike and Georgie, yeah I was nervous. Well I went on the plane and falled asleep while I was in the air woke up like 11.50 am, when I felt complete lost and gone tired what more can I say when I was in Manchester Airport. Well the thing was when I was waiting on them I was so nervous like what if they can’t find me. Well when they came I was a bit nervous still but they were as crazy as always.
Well it was really nice to be sitting there and waiting for the bus to take us back to Liverpool, but mostly because I started to talk there, was fun in some ways, how the shy person as I am started to talk more than I should have done. Well when we came home to Mike, it was so nice it felt like a home, and what did we do the first night we actually went to bed and slept well I saw his sister well I was too tired to think to be fair. Well all I know was that we kissed lots and it was so nice to fall asleep in his arms that were a nice feeling.
Then the second day we went out and we had a nice time, then I saw his family like grandmother and granddad and guess who went really shy and quiet yeah me, but I think the dog liked me as he played a bit with me. It was really nice to see his family they were nice, we at dinner there I know and I was so full I felt like I would explode. But they funny thing was that I probably saw everyone else before I saw his dad, but when I saw him I wasn’t as shy as I have been with the others. Strangely it felt so easy to talk to his dad; he even made me breakfast one day, and Sunday dinner.
Well back to Michael again, as this blog will be about, everyone that knows me really knows I don’t like hugs, and things like that but when I think about it I always fall asleep in his arms, and I slept like an angel, and when he took away the arms from me I made sure they came back, as I took them back. Every morning we kissed each other as a good morning, and well we did other things but we don’t have to talk about them here, as they are a bit private. But the thing was we where gonna watch a movie called war/ Rogue Assassin but I was so tired that I fall asleep and when the movie was done Mike woke me up as he needed to take away the lap top but I fall asleep as fast as I woke up, and I could feel how he put his arm around me gave me a kiss and then fall asleep on his own.
The thing was that I woke up sometimes in the night just to say I love you to him, and tell him how much he means to me, and all he did was smile, I guess he never heard what I said but he slept like and angel, so peaceful and so handsome as he is. Oh it was so nice to feel him and just to be there in his bed, in his arms.
The only thing that was awkward was when we were in Wales to see is aunt with his grandparents as I got so shy, poor Mike, he tried to hug me while we watch Harry Potter but somehow I did not notice that and was like no not now. I don’t think we even kissed in front of them; I am a shy person when it comes to the end, and well all I can say is that I felt so right even if I was so far from home.
When I was with Michael I knew I was with the right person, even if I feel lost all I have to think about is him to find the right place, and when I am sad I just think about what we did when we where complete silly with each other and I smile wider than ever, when I feel angry I just take back the feeling when he hugs me and says I love you Johanna, always remember that, and when we kissed my world stopped, I think my heart beats one million times faster. I am so in love with him, he is always on my mind, and the thing was even if I live here and he there I never wanted to go home. When I left him it felt completely wrong and I almost cried when I saw what he had left me for messages in my book I got from him.
Well there is one thing his dad knows and that is that Me and Mike will get married, as he asked him that when I sat beside them in the middle and Mike said yeah her I am gonna marry, his dad just smiled. Then he tried to figure out what I was talking to with my sister as we type in Swedish, I don’t think it went so good, but he smiled and said that I type too fast for him.
Blowfish I love you so much and honest all I want is to sleep beside you and feel your arms around me just one more time, as everything feels so right than, even if everything is wrong.
And the time over there was the best days in my life in years, honest I felt so home and so loved from him, and his family was really amazing and I hope they like me, hard to say if they like me or not, but it seems like they like me as much as I like them.
This blog post has been fun to write about as when I think about the time I don’t want to share so much and that, because if I share everything I know you all want him, as he is so wonderful and I don’t lie when I say he is the best person in this world, so kind so loving.
I even sleep beside the teddy he gave me, as it reminds me of him and I have his chain around my neck and I always think about his wonderful eyes before I go to bed, as I fall in love so much again. Well this is all I am gonna say today.
/Johanna
Saturday, 28 May 2011
Request from Daniel :)
One of my old mates wants me to write about something that he has wonder for ages, so I will actually write about it, why I did choose to say no to Fredrik, and then to not choose someone from my college time as a boyfriend.
Let me just start with my college than, I went to a good college with mostly people that has money so they can do whatever they want, but the thing is that I am happy I went there as I really know what I want in my life, they did not bully me for who I am or what I liked as they did in high school.
But when I went there I was with Jonas a jerk in the end, trust me I do miss the good times Jonas, Those small things we had that was good, But this was the time you started to cheat on me because other guys liked me, and you got unsure about me being in love with you, Jonas I did like you lots but honest you where not the one, when I look back at the past you where totally wrong for me. You where right about one thing I did like Sam more than and a friend, and in the end I wanted to be with him. Then the other thing that bugged you where that your own mates liked me more than they should, Fredrik did want me as his wife, Linus your best buddy was obsessed with me, but you never protected me when I needed you Jonas.
Well now to the thing Daniel, when Fredrik asked me to marry him all I felt was run as far as you can Johanna, I don’t love him at all in the way, I love him as a mate only, I even like you more than I do like Fredrik, The thing is that Daniel has not be honest to none in the gang either, there are things he has been hiding from Fredrik, Jonas. Linus and Kimpan, we used to kiss on the bus trips, the tram way he always denied that he liked me more than a mate, but I guess he did like me more but we never ever got together as he was best friend with my ex and my friend liked him so much, well I feel bad because I did like him and kissed him even though I knew those things.
Well now to the real problem that is that Jonas really doesn’t want to let me go for real, I am so happy with Michael he really is my everything. I wish Linus, Jonas and Fredrik can see how happy he makes me ‘cause I will never ever be with anyone from my college time as I don’t love anyone of you. You all ask me why I have changed I haven’t I have just seen what real love is about, and trust me when I think about Michael I just smile like a little kid that open her presents on Christmas eve, all I want is to be with him forever and ever, I hope you three will let me be happy and don’t try to destroy for me, I am truly happy with him.
Fredrik was so wrong for me in every way, Jonas used me and never told me the truth that he wanted to be single, Linus I don’t even know what to say about him because I really don’t like him at all, we where good mates one time a really long time ago, but you really destroyed everything when you decided to try to destroy the only good thing in my life. I am happy I have known everyone of you because somehow you where the first person that really accepted me as a mate a true mate in school time, as you where nice and taught me that you can have mates that is nice to you, but the way you did after college time is not right.
I miss Jonas many times, but I don’t want him in my life anymore he is in the past, I want to look to the future, and be happy, and with them I was not happy I was in a huge black hole because they had so many games, so many things I don’t want to talk about. Daniel you are the only one I talk to from the college time, and we are losing touch too as you live where the hell do you live these days? Berlin, Munich, Bern? I get lost, but I wish you all the happiness in the world. And you of all people should know that Fredrik was wrong for me!
I will end with one thing you shouted out on a party: Let’s get wild and dance all night long, kiss strangers, and pretend to be someone who we aren’t, you know you love me for the crazy person I am. Let’s start with the party!
Let me just start with my college than, I went to a good college with mostly people that has money so they can do whatever they want, but the thing is that I am happy I went there as I really know what I want in my life, they did not bully me for who I am or what I liked as they did in high school.
But when I went there I was with Jonas a jerk in the end, trust me I do miss the good times Jonas, Those small things we had that was good, But this was the time you started to cheat on me because other guys liked me, and you got unsure about me being in love with you, Jonas I did like you lots but honest you where not the one, when I look back at the past you where totally wrong for me. You where right about one thing I did like Sam more than and a friend, and in the end I wanted to be with him. Then the other thing that bugged you where that your own mates liked me more than they should, Fredrik did want me as his wife, Linus your best buddy was obsessed with me, but you never protected me when I needed you Jonas.
Well now to the thing Daniel, when Fredrik asked me to marry him all I felt was run as far as you can Johanna, I don’t love him at all in the way, I love him as a mate only, I even like you more than I do like Fredrik, The thing is that Daniel has not be honest to none in the gang either, there are things he has been hiding from Fredrik, Jonas. Linus and Kimpan, we used to kiss on the bus trips, the tram way he always denied that he liked me more than a mate, but I guess he did like me more but we never ever got together as he was best friend with my ex and my friend liked him so much, well I feel bad because I did like him and kissed him even though I knew those things.
Well now to the real problem that is that Jonas really doesn’t want to let me go for real, I am so happy with Michael he really is my everything. I wish Linus, Jonas and Fredrik can see how happy he makes me ‘cause I will never ever be with anyone from my college time as I don’t love anyone of you. You all ask me why I have changed I haven’t I have just seen what real love is about, and trust me when I think about Michael I just smile like a little kid that open her presents on Christmas eve, all I want is to be with him forever and ever, I hope you three will let me be happy and don’t try to destroy for me, I am truly happy with him.
Fredrik was so wrong for me in every way, Jonas used me and never told me the truth that he wanted to be single, Linus I don’t even know what to say about him because I really don’t like him at all, we where good mates one time a really long time ago, but you really destroyed everything when you decided to try to destroy the only good thing in my life. I am happy I have known everyone of you because somehow you where the first person that really accepted me as a mate a true mate in school time, as you where nice and taught me that you can have mates that is nice to you, but the way you did after college time is not right.
I miss Jonas many times, but I don’t want him in my life anymore he is in the past, I want to look to the future, and be happy, and with them I was not happy I was in a huge black hole because they had so many games, so many things I don’t want to talk about. Daniel you are the only one I talk to from the college time, and we are losing touch too as you live where the hell do you live these days? Berlin, Munich, Bern? I get lost, but I wish you all the happiness in the world. And you of all people should know that Fredrik was wrong for me!
I will end with one thing you shouted out on a party: Let’s get wild and dance all night long, kiss strangers, and pretend to be someone who we aren’t, you know you love me for the crazy person I am. Let’s start with the party!
Friday, 27 May 2011
.....
This is something I want to talk about but really don’t want to tell anyone so why not share it with someone that actually might feel the same things, the same thoughts the same feelings that I have.
There is no one in this world that really understand how much I miss my past because when I was in the water swimming I was happy, I was really happy even though my team hated me everyone really did hate me, mostly because I was good, and they where one of the reasons I just ended to swim, because in the end I thought it wasn’t fun. In the competitions we went to I was never with my own team, I was with other teams, and other boys, and to be fair they did like me more than my own team, how many other swimmer had a completely cheering on them, I had that.
I even had the other coaches saying to me that I was good as my own coach said I was shit and bad, and it really didn’t matter that I beat my own record or things that that I was always bad according to my coach, the thing is that I think it was because I hang out with other teams and was my own person. I remember one thing; I was on a competition and one boy that one in my team liked swim in another team, we where friends me and sam as his name was. Well now to the thing, the girls wanted me to ask Sam if they could hang with us, but he said “no I don’t like them Johanna, as they never are with you, they always let you be alone, I know this as I have seen it lots of times. But you are welcome to hang with me always” the thing was that me and Sam was friends, we did go to movies, went to cafes and things like that but the thing was I liked him more than a friend but I said no to him when he asked me if I wanted to be his girlfriend because he lived so far away from me, I know it is not far 60 km. Eh I should tell Sam that I liked him more than a friend though I know he knows it, but it is time to confess that to him.
I really have messed up so many good things in my life, but when I think close I don’t have any close friends that I can count on when I need someone to be there for me. I don’t trust in anyone of my friends, they always talks bad about me to others and then deny it, when did I actually have a true friend that never put themselves as the most important person in this world, and tried to make me happy. I mean when I turned 18 my best friend gave me one thing that was like what the fuck is this how much I mean to you, she was at my place for ten minutes then she left me and the others didn’t even bother to come to say happy birthday, I was home alone with my family thinking that I was a person that was alone. Somehow everyone I have in my closeness here in Sweden uses me, to do things, no one really ask me how I feel or anything they just call me when they need help or things like that!
I guess friendship is something that is as hard as love is!
There is no one in this world that really understand how much I miss my past because when I was in the water swimming I was happy, I was really happy even though my team hated me everyone really did hate me, mostly because I was good, and they where one of the reasons I just ended to swim, because in the end I thought it wasn’t fun. In the competitions we went to I was never with my own team, I was with other teams, and other boys, and to be fair they did like me more than my own team, how many other swimmer had a completely cheering on them, I had that.
I even had the other coaches saying to me that I was good as my own coach said I was shit and bad, and it really didn’t matter that I beat my own record or things that that I was always bad according to my coach, the thing is that I think it was because I hang out with other teams and was my own person. I remember one thing; I was on a competition and one boy that one in my team liked swim in another team, we where friends me and sam as his name was. Well now to the thing, the girls wanted me to ask Sam if they could hang with us, but he said “no I don’t like them Johanna, as they never are with you, they always let you be alone, I know this as I have seen it lots of times. But you are welcome to hang with me always” the thing was that me and Sam was friends, we did go to movies, went to cafes and things like that but the thing was I liked him more than a friend but I said no to him when he asked me if I wanted to be his girlfriend because he lived so far away from me, I know it is not far 60 km. Eh I should tell Sam that I liked him more than a friend though I know he knows it, but it is time to confess that to him.
I really have messed up so many good things in my life, but when I think close I don’t have any close friends that I can count on when I need someone to be there for me. I don’t trust in anyone of my friends, they always talks bad about me to others and then deny it, when did I actually have a true friend that never put themselves as the most important person in this world, and tried to make me happy. I mean when I turned 18 my best friend gave me one thing that was like what the fuck is this how much I mean to you, she was at my place for ten minutes then she left me and the others didn’t even bother to come to say happy birthday, I was home alone with my family thinking that I was a person that was alone. Somehow everyone I have in my closeness here in Sweden uses me, to do things, no one really ask me how I feel or anything they just call me when they need help or things like that!
I guess friendship is something that is as hard as love is!
Thursday, 26 May 2011
Friendship and summer plans
I really have to say that it has been really good to be away from everyone someday as you see who are you true friend and who are just a mate that don’t care about you.
I mean I have been gone almost one week and no one has really asked me how I am or have missed me, the funny thing is that the only one that has missed me has to be niece she always tell me when she sees me I have missed you so much Auntie. But no friend at all has bothered to call me or even send me a message on facebook to ask how I am?
Really who are my friends I guess no one for real, the only one that I have been talking to these days is Michael and that has been on skype, but others have not even said hello or anything as always. Well at least I have had a good time to think who I want in my life and not, and honest there is only 40 people I want in my life the others I don’t want as they never speak to me or care about me.
I know who will come to special times as weddings, birthdays, and when I actually have more important things, and that will be my family and really close friends that I know care about me as a friend, the others can really go to hell, and forget that they are invited to my things.
A friendship is not one way thing, it is two ways and two people have to work for the friendship to work, not only one person that should always call or start the talk.
Now to the other thing I am planning in my life and it is the summer, I will go to Denmark for one day with my mum and dad as it seem now to show my special angel the town, and so he can go on the bridge that is not so special really as I have been there before like with my class when it was really new, we where one of the first people that took a ride on it. Then I will show him my town, but also other places that I know he will love as much as I do.
The other thing is liseberg my sister is really looking forward to go there with us as she want to go on atmosphere but I can’t go on it, stupid heart!
Now on Saturday I really hope that Manchester United wins Champions League as I like them more than Barcelona FC!
I mean I have been gone almost one week and no one has really asked me how I am or have missed me, the funny thing is that the only one that has missed me has to be niece she always tell me when she sees me I have missed you so much Auntie. But no friend at all has bothered to call me or even send me a message on facebook to ask how I am?
Really who are my friends I guess no one for real, the only one that I have been talking to these days is Michael and that has been on skype, but others have not even said hello or anything as always. Well at least I have had a good time to think who I want in my life and not, and honest there is only 40 people I want in my life the others I don’t want as they never speak to me or care about me.
I know who will come to special times as weddings, birthdays, and when I actually have more important things, and that will be my family and really close friends that I know care about me as a friend, the others can really go to hell, and forget that they are invited to my things.
A friendship is not one way thing, it is two ways and two people have to work for the friendship to work, not only one person that should always call or start the talk.
Now to the other thing I am planning in my life and it is the summer, I will go to Denmark for one day with my mum and dad as it seem now to show my special angel the town, and so he can go on the bridge that is not so special really as I have been there before like with my class when it was really new, we where one of the first people that took a ride on it. Then I will show him my town, but also other places that I know he will love as much as I do.
The other thing is liseberg my sister is really looking forward to go there with us as she want to go on atmosphere but I can’t go on it, stupid heart!
Now on Saturday I really hope that Manchester United wins Champions League as I like them more than Barcelona FC!
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