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So today I will just write about things that actually I have learn about myself this last year, I have way to much time on my own, that is bad as I start to think loads, and when I think it's bad as I analyze things to the little term you can think. I would really just not be that much of a person that think like a mathematics, trust me if I had the solution on my own problem I would have done that ages ago, solve my own problem. 



What I mean is that I have seen people just starting to stop talking to me, I mean my friends, somehow they just don't want to be my mates anymore. As soon as I told them I have apply for university law, they all said bye to me, somehow they just say that it's wrong to become a lawyer, but that is what I really want to be come, I really want to become that, have been dreaming of that since I was 8 years old. I remember that they teacher asked us when I was in year 2 in school what do you want to become when you grow up, and I was not even doubting that I wanted to become a lawyer so hopefully I come in so I can achieve my biggest dream. 




I am tired that people see me as the stupid person, they never say I am good at anything, but mostly I am the person that always comes up with everyone's solutions, oh yeah I do see the solution in problems sometimes, but i rarely talk when I don't see the solution, and you of all know that if you have a problem you always come to me, as I tend to help you even if you are an idiot, but when my mates need me I am there to help them, but who is there for me when I need help? who can help me to shut down my own brain? 




People always say that I should do that or this, but I really don't want that, if I would have done what people want me to do, I would have lost myself so many years ago, and honestly I have almost lost myself once, and that is never going to happen again, I am stronger than to lose myself again. 




The thing that most of my mates think they know about me is that I am not scared of things, and honestly I am scared of more things than you ever will know, it's time to be the real Johanna that is more or less afraid of things, that will piss you off more than anything, So from now on I can't drink from the same glass if I have drank from it before, I don't share my sweets, my crisps, or my popcorn as I can die from the bacteria's you have, you might have HVI? who knows better to be safe than unsafe, I can't open doors, or touch anything outside, no I am past that all, and it took ages to take me down to just be a control freak when it comes to the bathroom, if you have a dirty bathroom I would never sit down and pee there, I would wait until I am home as I have always a clean toilet. 


Why is it wrong to like Maths, Physics, politics, and even laws? I know most people don't like that, but honestly I can calculate how much Money I need to have on my bank to survive for the rest of my life can you do that? I do like shopping, and I love shoes, but sometimes I buy shoes just to make myself happy, as it gives me happy emotions. 


Oh I have found a cheap gym I am actually thinking of starting to go back to old Johanna, the person that loved to train and run and swim, so honestly I am slowly finding back to my old self but a better version, I can talk about feelings now, and I am not that scared of things anymore, that I was when I was the old Johanna.