What more can I say that some people really are stupid and I mean it completely stupid. 

So today in work we started to talk about contribution what your country pays to other countries, don't get me wrong I think we should give that but NOT as much as WE do today, as people in our own country have it hard, people can't get a work and all that, we have homeless here too anyway we were talking about this and one other person started to talk about human rights. 

Okay so far we all had the same thoughts and until this moron came in all he said about human rights was that you have to have a roof over your head, food on the table and clothes. Well he talked about swedish rights here only swedish rights. 

Okay I can buy that you should have that but if you look at the rights you have when you get allowance in sweden you should be able to go out and watch a movie on the pictures, and have a tv, pc and all that but you have to take it on pay off if you want a tv or anything else, and furniture's and all that. Anyway we had a huge talk about this trust me when I say this doesn't make a sense at all. I have been reading about human rights on university and when I said human rights is and will always be this" You are born free and you have the same rights as anyone else" (and I said it doesn't matter where you are born you have the same rights) The idiot said a person in Africa hasn't the same rights as we in Sweden have or anything. 

Than he said people that are homeless has done it themselves, I said not always and some other agreed with me, he said sometimes you get without job, and you don't get help and you lose everything, is it your fault? No its the government fault. Idiot person. 

Anyway the dude, said that you don't have right to a TV, you don't have right to a PC, and if you look at the standard in sweden everyone or most ones has a tv and a pc, so according to him I don't have a right to that, as he "pays tax" as I do,and still I don't need those things as I already have the human right things as he said. 

When I said it doesn't matter if I am poor or rich when I go to court as the law should look at us the same. He said I am wrong, how can I be wrong about that they should look at us the same way but the difference is that the person with more money can buy a better defend and the lawyer is the one that helps you when you go to court. No I was wrong there, apparently  rich people buy them selves free with the help of the lawyer and all that shite. I get so tired when people are so stupid. 

Humans right will always be that you are born free and have the same rights as everyone else doesn't matter where you are born in the world. 

But the thing that bugs me even more is that he said Finnish is the same as Swedish and it's a complete different language. Then when the other said Finnish people would lay on the floor for an Russian person, as we are as he said " red Russian lovers that loves the communist", Sorry I am Finnish I would NEVER do that for them, or anyone else.  Oh yeah the person that said Finland is called Finland just because Sweden said it would be called that, it's wrong too, we are called Suomi and nothing else! Get your facts right this is how it got it's name " First people who came to Finland, were called "finns". So therefore, Finland is the "land of finns". Don't ask how the finns got their names. Also, in Finland, Finlands name is Suomi. And that doesn't stand for anything. The whole name of Finland was actually made by others than finns.

No special title really...

So I am looking for a work, have been doing that for so long, but yet I don't get anything, so I apply for university and now I am waiting for the result if I came in or not. I don't have my hopes up though, just feels like I have bad luck when it comes to some things. 

When do you know it is the right time for some things, like starting a family and all that, you need a work for that, but what if I don't get a work the next 5 years I would old and would it be fun to start a family when you are around 33 years old ? 

So many things in my head.. why don't my head answer my questions?

hard things to talk about..

Why is it so hard to talk about your feelings? Why do you feel hurt by some things? Why can’t I just tell the truth about some things?

I am going to try to write down what I actually feel for once just for once it is so much easier to talk to this blog than to open my mouth and talk about it, I don’t know if I can talk about some certain things without getting sad or cry.

Those who knows me deeply should know that I am not the happy person that always smile, that doesn’t have a problem in the world, I am thinking so much about things I can’t talk about, I feel like nothing works as it should be working in my mind.

The thing that worries me the most is actually that I am feeling so good but still I can feel how my heart beats and when it beats wrong, and for the record it hurts like hell when it does that, I can’t open up myself to anyone about my heart not a single person knows how much I think about that, and how much it actually affect me in my daily life. 

I am afraid that my heart will stop beating in my sleep, or that it will beat to hard that it hurts and I will start to cry, I don’t like to cry when my heart is in pain, as it makes me feel un normal, not healthy but I am always ill, no one really knows how much of my mind actually think about it.

The heart issue I have is one of the common thing you can have, a hole in the heart, I am operated for it, but what has happen after my operation is that my heart is to big in some places, and my hole is still leaking even if I am operated, and that leads to how I feel today.  I am scared every single day but no one knows that, only me and that is something I really don’t like to talk about. I just can’t talk about my heart to anyone, I don’t want to worry others, as much as I can’t open to say what I feel about it.

When you like someone or love someone you can get hurt by so little things, I know that for a fact, I see it every day with my friends, and how I feel sometimes when I see some things I don’t want to see, but somehow sees them. Like when they say I love you to someone else, or when they start to tell you how hot another girl is, or that someone has better looking arse than you etc, I don’t get why you feel like that, but somehow you do, and I guess that makes you human.

When I think about it and think back on things I never got this hurt by the others I have liked, well when I think back I don’t think I never liked them fully, I know for a fact that I never have loved anyone as I love Michael, or has liked anyone the way I like him.  But the thing is when you start to like someone that much you tend to get hurt by the silly things ever.

Well I can only talk for myself and that is that I would never confess what makes me get a bit sad or what I get hurt by, as it is just silly things in the end. That makes you think about other bigger problems you have in life.

So why on earth is it so hard to talk about your deepest thoughts and what you feel, and why on earth is it only me that keeps that quiet about my problems, I just wish I would be able to talk about some of the things as I talk about them in my blog.  Trust me silence has a meaning and most of the times it is not the best thing, but sometimes it can be a good thing to be silent.

Silence is a true friend who never betrays. -Confucius 

Random things

Today I will write about things that I have learned in the couple of weeks.

First of all I want to point out that life in Sweden can always get better, the government we have right now doesn’t care about people at all. I know that for a fact.

So if you get a summer work and you have benefits I think it’s right to lose them while you have that summer work, but when you get off the summer work, you don’t get back the benefits that easy as you should live on the money on the salary you get during the summer and they count them to the living standard you have every month, so if you have a salary of £1000 for 4 weeks, and you work 8 weeks you get £2000 and you and you have a living standard of £500 a month (this numbers are just for showing what I mean) you have to save £1000 for two months and you can’t spend extra money on things you might need in your home? Why on earth wouldn’t the government be happy and support that you get a summer work, and then let you go back on benefits, because you have earned £2000 during the summer and might have bought things you need to your flat. I don’t get our government, they don’t care if you walk hungry.

Well that was probably the first thing I have learned during the summer, the other thing is that you have to be really happy everyday so you don’t get people to worry about you and how you feel, even if you don’t smile every single time of the day, doesn’t mean you are depressed, so stop asking me if I am that, as I am not that.  So what if I start to stare out in to the room? It only means I am thinking of something or even worse daydreaming oh yeah I tend to do that, and I don’t smile when I day dream, how many of you daydream?

Well I do tend to star out to the room, but that is just because I am thinking of what I can do to get rich, because in my mind I actually want to do something creative to get rich, I might start writing a book or something, but if I do that I actually have to think, It is hard to just write down something.

I have started to cook more home, I know I am probably the laziest person in the world when it comes to cooking, I hate it, I hate to cook, I hate to dish? So I don’t tend to do those things, but somehow I have started to bake more, and even cook, I did an awesome close enough to a big mac here home with Michael, and that was really tasty, and tomorrow I will bake cupcakes, well sometimes I tend to do things more than usually.

I am also pretty tired as my cat has been screaming for six days during night, she wants to get a male to well just say she thinks about having more kids, well all I want is for her to be quiet and somehow she don’t want to be that, I hope that she will stop screaming in this two days that will come.

How many people do actually listen to the other person they are living with? I mean I really don’t like to be moaning but somehow I know that people fight and argue more than they tell, and mostly it’s about silly things, I would love the other person to do the dishes without me telling can you do them, or take out the trash, or even do other things, but as well as I do the things without getting told or that, when you see that it’s too much do them or when you have done cooking and all that.  

So for my readers I actually want to know what you think is the most annoying thing when you are living with your partner?

Thanks for reading my blog next time I will write about something much funnier I hope.

-Johanna 

hmmm

I really don't get why I've so bad luck the year I actually do apply for my dream course there are like 5000 other that has done the same thing, oh well lets hope that I do come in on it..

Keep on dreaming, it might come true..

Erm.. no title

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Love

I really have been thinking what love is about, everyone says they know what love is about? But the question is do they know what it is? Yes everyone knows what love is, but it's different for everyone, every feeling is different for every person in this world, but the only thing I can say that we all can feel when we are in love is happiness, loads of happiness as the other person makes us complete in a different way than our friends does. 

I will tell you what I have been taught about love, what my feelings are, what my heart says and all that, all I want is for you all to remember that I am just a normal person that try to look in to things with different eyes, and see from the third part, well I am here to write now, hope you will enjoy thins post. 

So how will I start this post really maybe I shall begin with the past so you all can see the point that I've been taught, and what I have experience in my short life. 

Well I liked a boy there is the first difference I really should have known from the start, I liked a boy that was named Mikael, the thing was that I really knew that he didn't like me at all, he never looked at me at the same way as I was looking at him, all those dreams I had of him in school, I am actually so grateful I had them as they helped me to get through they day, as my high school days wasn't the best. Well the thing is that I can still be feeling really stupid I was as you all say it unhappy in love as we can name it, but the thing is when I think about it it really helped me to realise that I want someone that sees me, the real Johanna, the person that smiles to goofy things, the person that cries to sad movies, the person that actually do feel hurt when someone says mean things, I am human, not as most people think I am, can take anything and just smile. 

Well I did like this boy a long time, but he was the reason I know what love is about today, as I know what I was looking for in the other person, well it's true that you actually know when you have found the real one, and I will come to that later in this post. 

Somehow I met a boy called Jonas, that was a jerk right out he was the biggest jerk in this world, I did tell him I love him, but the thing is that he just said it back to get what he wanted from me, and honestly I did love him in a strange way, but not for the right reasons, I just wanted someone to be there with me. I wasn't feeling good with him, I have realise that later on, and to be honest when he told me what he has told me afterwards I am amazed we can be friends, after all that is how we started our thing, to be friends and to be friends is what we should be. 

Than somehow I met Michael, I got so confused, nothing made sense. The feelings I felt I had never felt, I tried to hide the feelings and trust me it didn't go well at all, but the thing is that Michael makes me feel so alive, in every single thing, he has taught me that it's not dangerous to hug people, to let people in to your life, and mostly when I am with him my world stops for just a second and I feel so happy. I know that when you feel like the world is stopping you actually have found the right one, the one that you were meant to be with for the rest of your life. It's not a competition to be in love or that, love is that you respect the other person, and to let the person do things, even if you don't like them, you should  support the person no matter what.  You can't tell the other person to be something who he isn't if you try to do that you are not truly in love with the person, as you are trying to change the person you falled in love with. 

The other thing that amazes me with love is that you can tell the other person what ever you want and that person doesn't judge you they tend to tell you that everything is going to be fine, and makes you see the positive thing in the bad things that happens to you during the day, and the other person is always trying to make you smile just a little bit because when you see the person you love smile you really just know that you have made your own day, as you see the person you love smile to the things you have done, it can be easy things that makes the other persons day. I know people say that you learn love from your parents and that is true because they are there to guide you through life, or they are meant to be there to teach you about things like love, respect, what is right and wrong etc. 

You have two kinds of love in your life, that first love is for your family, that is mum, dad, grandmother's, grandfather's, siblings, and even your aunts and uncles, then you have the other kind of love that makes you smile, that makes you shy even if you aren't shy, the person that makes you smile, the person that makes your world stop, and the person you want to start your own family with so you can teach your kids everything you have been taught. 

Love is not a easy thing, it is hard, but when you have find the love of your life never let that person go, there is no one else that can make you feel as that person makes you feel. 

-Jo