New chapter

Soon a new chapter in my life will begin..

Trust

Do you trust in other people? How can you be sure that you can trust in someone else?

I know that you should trust in other people, but I have a hard time to trust in people as I have always been betrayed by the other person that I have been trusting. so what can I learn from trusting in others, loads I guess as it's good to trust in people at least some people.

It is hard to trust in someone when you actually have the feeling in the stomach that tells you not to trust in anyone or let anyone close to your heart, I know it is the past that makes it this hard, I do trust in some people, I know they would never betray me not ever. But if they do that, I would probably never ever trust in anyone else in my life.

-Jo

Thought

So many questions, yet no answers!

Sex talks on the Internet

Today I will write about sex chats, or something like that, I really don't know where it will end, but we will see were it will end. I hope it will be an interesting post for all my readers.

Okay, lets start with this question, Is chat talks cheating on your boyfriend/girlfriend?

I actually think it's cheating as you are talking about sex in an intimate weird way. As you are talking about something you should be sharing with your girlfriend/boyfriend. There for it is cheating in my opinion. I know I might be hard but if I even suspect my boyfriend doing that I would dump him without even blinking. I would never in my mind think that he would confess even if I asked him, so why bother to ask? I know I sound like a total bitch but I wouldn't be handling it very well if I find out that he lies about it in the end, I would want to protect myself. I would want to hear what my mates actually think about this topic; Is it cheating or not?

If you are single, I don't see the problem in doing a sex chat, but why would you want to be inside when you can go out and flirt and see the person for real, instead of web cam if you are brave enough to have it on when you do things to yourself when the other person is watching you, but I guess it's a good thing if you are afraid/too shy to talk to the other person in real life.

So the other thing that comes to my mind is why do some people do sex chats when they are in a relationship? The only thing that comes to my mind is that they deep down don't love the person they are with, and they are definitely not respecting the person they are with. The only thing I hate more than getting lied to is the person having no respect for you.

So what can I tell about myself in this question, I would be heartbroken if my partner did anything like this whilst he was with me, I would feel like he don't respect me and definitely is cheating on me as he is talking about sex to another person, in a way that is not okay. I don't get how on earth a person would do something like that if they are in a relationship with the person they claim to love.

Some people would say I am jealous when I say that it's cheating but, according to me, it is cheating in a way and there will not be anything that can change my mind about that; Not now, not ever.

So my solution is really that I would say that if your partner is doing it, dump him/her as they aren't worthy of you as a person, they are a scumbag that just wants to use you for something.

Why would a person want to sex chat when they have a partner? Because it turns them on? Well then, they are not with the right person if they can't get turned on by their girl/boyfriend, so why don't they just dump the person and save them the heartbreak they will get when they find out you have just been cheating with them online with some strangers or, even worse, just been using you as a person. I can only talk for myself really when I say this but I would actually want my heart to be broken by my partner than to find out he has been doing those kind of things behind my back as that is cheating, no matter how much I love the person, just break up with me if you are doing it as I would be 1 billion times more heartbroken if I find out later on that you have been cheating on me online.

I am probably not the only one that thinks sex talks are cheating if you are in a relationship, I know some others do that as well. Why would you want to have a sex talk online when you can have it with your own girl/boyfriend.

So what is the different between a fantasy and a sex chat? Fantasy is just a fantasy you wouldn't be talking about sex with someone else, telling the person what you want to do with him/her, you would just be thinking about it and that is no harm done to the other person.

I think this will be enough for this post I feel a bit depressed when I am writing about stuff like this. I don't know, but it feels like my heart is slowly crying inside.

Thanks for reading this post. Please tell me what you think about it.

-Jo

What more can I say that some people really are stupid and I mean it completely stupid. 

So today in work we started to talk about contribution what your country pays to other countries, don't get me wrong I think we should give that but NOT as much as WE do today, as people in our own country have it hard, people can't get a work and all that, we have homeless here too anyway we were talking about this and one other person started to talk about human rights. 

Okay so far we all had the same thoughts and until this moron came in all he said about human rights was that you have to have a roof over your head, food on the table and clothes. Well he talked about swedish rights here only swedish rights. 

Okay I can buy that you should have that but if you look at the rights you have when you get allowance in sweden you should be able to go out and watch a movie on the pictures, and have a tv, pc and all that but you have to take it on pay off if you want a tv or anything else, and furniture's and all that. Anyway we had a huge talk about this trust me when I say this doesn't make a sense at all. I have been reading about human rights on university and when I said human rights is and will always be this" You are born free and you have the same rights as anyone else" (and I said it doesn't matter where you are born you have the same rights) The idiot said a person in Africa hasn't the same rights as we in Sweden have or anything. 

Than he said people that are homeless has done it themselves, I said not always and some other agreed with me, he said sometimes you get without job, and you don't get help and you lose everything, is it your fault? No its the government fault. Idiot person. 

Anyway the dude, said that you don't have right to a TV, you don't have right to a PC, and if you look at the standard in sweden everyone or most ones has a tv and a pc, so according to him I don't have a right to that, as he "pays tax" as I do,and still I don't need those things as I already have the human right things as he said. 

When I said it doesn't matter if I am poor or rich when I go to court as the law should look at us the same. He said I am wrong, how can I be wrong about that they should look at us the same way but the difference is that the person with more money can buy a better defend and the lawyer is the one that helps you when you go to court. No I was wrong there, apparently  rich people buy them selves free with the help of the lawyer and all that shite. I get so tired when people are so stupid. 

Humans right will always be that you are born free and have the same rights as everyone else doesn't matter where you are born in the world. 

But the thing that bugs me even more is that he said Finnish is the same as Swedish and it's a complete different language. Then when the other said Finnish people would lay on the floor for an Russian person, as we are as he said " red Russian lovers that loves the communist", Sorry I am Finnish I would NEVER do that for them, or anyone else.  Oh yeah the person that said Finland is called Finland just because Sweden said it would be called that, it's wrong too, we are called Suomi and nothing else! Get your facts right this is how it got it's name " First people who came to Finland, were called "finns". So therefore, Finland is the "land of finns". Don't ask how the finns got their names. Also, in Finland, Finlands name is Suomi. And that doesn't stand for anything. The whole name of Finland was actually made by others than finns.

No special title really...

So I am looking for a work, have been doing that for so long, but yet I don't get anything, so I apply for university and now I am waiting for the result if I came in or not. I don't have my hopes up though, just feels like I have bad luck when it comes to some things. 

When do you know it is the right time for some things, like starting a family and all that, you need a work for that, but what if I don't get a work the next 5 years I would old and would it be fun to start a family when you are around 33 years old ? 

So many things in my head.. why don't my head answer my questions?

hard things to talk about..

Why is it so hard to talk about your feelings? Why do you feel hurt by some things? Why can’t I just tell the truth about some things?

I am going to try to write down what I actually feel for once just for once it is so much easier to talk to this blog than to open my mouth and talk about it, I don’t know if I can talk about some certain things without getting sad or cry.

Those who knows me deeply should know that I am not the happy person that always smile, that doesn’t have a problem in the world, I am thinking so much about things I can’t talk about, I feel like nothing works as it should be working in my mind.

The thing that worries me the most is actually that I am feeling so good but still I can feel how my heart beats and when it beats wrong, and for the record it hurts like hell when it does that, I can’t open up myself to anyone about my heart not a single person knows how much I think about that, and how much it actually affect me in my daily life. 

I am afraid that my heart will stop beating in my sleep, or that it will beat to hard that it hurts and I will start to cry, I don’t like to cry when my heart is in pain, as it makes me feel un normal, not healthy but I am always ill, no one really knows how much of my mind actually think about it.

The heart issue I have is one of the common thing you can have, a hole in the heart, I am operated for it, but what has happen after my operation is that my heart is to big in some places, and my hole is still leaking even if I am operated, and that leads to how I feel today.  I am scared every single day but no one knows that, only me and that is something I really don’t like to talk about. I just can’t talk about my heart to anyone, I don’t want to worry others, as much as I can’t open to say what I feel about it.

When you like someone or love someone you can get hurt by so little things, I know that for a fact, I see it every day with my friends, and how I feel sometimes when I see some things I don’t want to see, but somehow sees them. Like when they say I love you to someone else, or when they start to tell you how hot another girl is, or that someone has better looking arse than you etc, I don’t get why you feel like that, but somehow you do, and I guess that makes you human.

When I think about it and think back on things I never got this hurt by the others I have liked, well when I think back I don’t think I never liked them fully, I know for a fact that I never have loved anyone as I love Michael, or has liked anyone the way I like him.  But the thing is when you start to like someone that much you tend to get hurt by the silly things ever.

Well I can only talk for myself and that is that I would never confess what makes me get a bit sad or what I get hurt by, as it is just silly things in the end. That makes you think about other bigger problems you have in life.

So why on earth is it so hard to talk about your deepest thoughts and what you feel, and why on earth is it only me that keeps that quiet about my problems, I just wish I would be able to talk about some of the things as I talk about them in my blog.  Trust me silence has a meaning and most of the times it is not the best thing, but sometimes it can be a good thing to be silent.

Silence is a true friend who never betrays. -Confucius